"Sorry for being here."

No reply. Takiyo had gotten up, opened the door, and then burrowed under his futon. Yuko's fists clenched on her knees.

After a stretch of silence, Takiyo let out a sigh. He sat up and said, "What's up?"

"Uh, nothing!" Yuko answered quickly.

"Then why are you here?" he inquired. "I'd prefer to be sleeping now."

"Um... I wanted to talk." Yuko said, hitching up a fake smile.

Takiyo saw through it immediately. "You talked yesterday. I bet you just want to go to bed now, right? Everyone's tired."

"Um, yeah." Yuko said, looking down.

"Well then, go to bed." Takiyo said, getting up to open the door.

"Um, no wait!" Yuko shouted, making Takiyo freeze.

He sighed. "Can you tell me what you want already? What's wrong? Muranaka told me about this, you know. How you don't tell people when you're in trouble."

"Yes, yes!" Yuko said frantically. So Ren told him, she thought.  She tried to think how to start, but then the scene just replayed in her head. Her eyes started to burn and she sniffed.

Takiyo jumped. "Are you crying?" he asked, eyes wide.

"Nope!" Yuko said, sniffing again. Her voice was kind of off. She looked up to the ceiling to try and prevent the tears. Her throat got tight.

"Hey, you're totally crying." Takiyo said.

"I'm not crying!" Yuko said earnestly, turning to face him. "I'm not crying, see?" She pointed at her face.

Takiyo looked at her very forced, hysterical smile. Her eyes were slowly turning red and filling. Did she really think she was convincing him?

Finally her eyelids couldn't hold it anymore. The first tear fell, and then it was difficult to stop. Yuko kept up her smile, though. She withdrew and wiped her eyes and nose, sniffing. When she was done, she faced Takiyo again. Her eyes were still red and her tear ducts were still working.

"I saw Hirose-senpai kissing Senpai." she said quietly.

Takiyo looked at her for sometime. "That's why you're here?" he asked, then slumped back onto his futon.

"That kind of hurts you know," Yuko said, giving a very forced laugh. "It's stupid, I know. I'm overreacting. But then, you must have seen Michi-chan and Ishida-san kiss too, right?"

Takiyo glanced at her. "I've seen him stay the night over once." he said without any emotion.

"Really?" Yuko asked, circling her finger on the floor. She couldn't help but think, Has Senpai stayed over at Hirose-senpai's house?

She could feel her lip trembling. She didn't want to put up a weak face in front of Takiyo over something so stupid. She sniffed hard. Takiyo listened to her sniffing for sometime, then sat up again.

"Nishikawa," he said seriously. "I'll just ask you one question:" Yuko looked up. "Are you really okay?"

"I'm..." Yuko began, but..

Sh*t. Why does that stupid question always break you?

It was that one question that makes you realise you weren't okay. And she knew Takiyo wasn't asking about what had just happened, but everything.

"I'm..." she started again, but now the tears were falling fast. Her mind had gone well beyond Saburo and Sara now. One reason opened to another, and it kept going until it reached the one place she really didn't want to go right now. She was full on crying now, and she couldn't stop. She kept trying to say "I'm okay", but her throat kept getting caught. At this rate, everything will come spilling out.

Well, she couldn't convince him now. It overflowed.

"I'm not okay!" she yelled, crying. "I don't even know what okay is anymore! All I know is that I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I wish I didn't exist. I wish I never existed. I hate how I'm a liability to everyone. How Ren is tied down because of me. How everyone would be better off if I never entered their life in the first place! Maybe...maybe Yuuki would be alive..."

Takiyo watched Yuko cry. He didn't move a muscle since she started bawling. He just quietly listened to her yelling.

"I don't deserve any of what I have right now. I don't deserve anything! I just want to end it all, but I can't for the sake of the people I love. And then...on top of everything else...I had to fall in love." Yuko pressed her hands to the sides of her head, breathing hard. Then she threw back her head and screamed, "WHY GOD?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TROUBLE THESE PEOPLE WITH ME? WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LIKE THIS? WHY?!!"

At this point Yuko had curled up in a ball. "I'm always battling against myself. I don't like me. It's me versus me all the time. One me hates the other, the vice versa. Doesn't that just mean I hate all of me? Why can't I just be okay? WHY DID YUUKI HAVE TO DIE?!!"

I see, Takiyo thought, watching Yuko sob hysterically. So she's blaming herself for everything. But it seems nothing I'll say can change that.

Yuko had stopped yelling now. She was only silently crying. Then she seemed to remember something.

"And here I am making this all about me." she sighed, trying to smile. "I'm troubling Takiyo-kun as well."

Just die. Don't hurt anyone. Don't be hurt anymore. Just die.

She couldn't die. She couldn't. But...

Die, die, die, die. I hate me, I hate you, I hate me.

"Nishikawa."

Yuko looked up at Takiyo. He was staring at her intensely.

Then he did something he had never done before. He spread his arms out, welcoming her. Seeing this gesture, from Takiyo of all people, Yuko burst into fresh tears again, and collapsed in his arms. He let her cry, with one hand on her head and one her back, without saying anything or moving. This was the only thing he could do in reassurance. Dealing with emotions wasn't exactly his forte.

"I like Senpai." she said finally. "I really, really like Senpai."

"Mm." Takiyo mumbled.

Silence.

"Takiyo-kun, did you cry when Michi-chan started going out with Ishida-san?"

Takiyo looked down at her, to see her looking up at him. He looked up again and stared right at the door. "No." he answered.

"I see." Yuko said, looking down again.

After some more time, she pushed away from him and said, "Well, I'll be going now."

"Okay." Takiyo said, watching her get up. "At least I know now that you're not okay."

Yuko smiled at him and approached the door.

"But!" Takiyo added, making her stop again. "I know there's still more to it. More than you don't understand and you can't explain. Right?"

Yuko stared at him, then nodded.

"And Takiyo-kun," she said, deciding to strike back. She wouldn't lose a war of words. "You didn't cry when Michi-chan started going out with Ishida-san. That means you weren't strong enough to accept it." Then she opened the door and stepped outside.

"Don't get in trouble!" Takiyo yelled as she closed the door. Then he smiled slightly and slumped back onto his futon.

You can't always have the finishing blow, Nishikawa. he thought. That's not fair.

He turned over.

But it's okay. It's okay because practically no one is okay in this world. But Nishikawa's kind of unique. Whenever something goes wrong we tend to blame the people around us, but she blames only herself. She really hates herself, huh?

He turned back onto his back and lay spread-eagled on his mattress.

But we promised each other that we would save each other from this feeling of not being okay. You're not alone. Our promise wasn't as simple as you thought it to be. We are going to save each other, like Muranaka wanted. That is our true promise.

They say love heals all, right?