Author's note
Yes, I'm doing it. Now. >:-)
Don't blame me, I've seen this kind of technique before. Throwing in a random chapter just after something tense. I just wanted to try it.  So, hehehe...
I HOLD ALL THE POWER.

(Note: This chapter takes place from Arisu's point of view. It does not necessarily take place in the chronological order of the story.)

I am a very simple person. Some people say that I'm lucky. I'm not lucky, I'm just simple.

I have a simple life. I belong to middle-class family. My father and mother both have stable jobs. I have a nice house. I'm the youngest of three siblings, one of which is already married and has a job, and the other is a topper university student. Yes, Shiko-chan is very smart.

I'm smart. I know what I want in life. I'm sociable. I have friends. I'm well-liked.

Wait...okay, I'm lucky. But I'm lucky because God blessed me with simplicity. Half the time we create our own problems.

Like Yu-chan. Her problems are created because of overthinking and anxiety. And Takin. His problems are created because of pessimism. And Rekkun. His problems are created because of his sense of responsibility. And Syo-chi. Yes, he has problems too. Half the time it's because of his shady appearance, though. But he has problems too. So does Eri-chan, Hikarin, Mimi, Shiko-chan, Shinobu-kun, Kana-san, everyone.

God also blessed me with a deep sense of empathy. I can understand people. I can read them. I can empathize with people who are facing things I have never faced before. I can understand that Yu-chan doesn't understand, that Takin doesn't understand. I can evaluate people. I can distinguish right from wrong.

Now you're probably thinking, This girl has way too much.

Remember what I said before? Everyone has problems. Even someone as simple as me. No human being can get away without any problems. The perfect life is nonexistent.

I can understand people, emotions, theories, everything. But there is just one part of my life when none of it works. The one person I can understand, but can't. I don't understand myself when it comes to him. It's like in the line that is my life, that part is smudged and I need to sit and decipher it.

When I'm with him, I don't understand what goes on with me. I'm nervous, but I talk to him easily. I'm shy, but open. I'm understanding, but confused. He's not like everyone else. I feel different.

Everybody always says I like him. I mean, do I really? Does liking someone really feel like this? I'm always denying. I don't know why I don't accept it. They're just teasing, but I can feel my heart pound and my face heat up whenever they say it.

I'm just... confused.

***

Today is my granny's death anniversary. She was a great woman. My role model. The one who preached me about the art of simplicity. She was more simple than me. Lived only on necessities. Hardly used luxuries. Everyone respected her for it.

Oka-chan and Oto-chan couldn't come. They tried really hard, but something major came up, and they both had to go to work. They would visit later, at night while coming home. Shinobu-kun actually forgot and he was on a visit to Kana-san, who had invited him over to India, where she was currently stationed.

So it was just me and Shiko-chan. It was very quiet. I don't mind silences, and Shiko-chan doesn't either. I just like to talk a lot. But I know when to keep my trap shut. We stood very silently over Obaa-chan's grave.

(Note: 'Obaa-chan' is used to refer to grandmother.)

At last, we were going to leave. Shiko-chan suggested having lunch at the café, and I agreed. I was going to walk around the graveyard a little while Shiko-chan ordered and stuff.

I always do this when we visit the graveyard. Shiko-chan told me many times that it was weird and creepy, but I don't mind. There is a certain serenity about the graveyard which you can't find anywhere else. It feels like time has stopped for a while, just like it has for the people sleeping beneath the ground.

I close my eyes and pay my respects to all the people in the graveyard. Those with many flowers, and those with few. Death is the only form where you have eternal respect that you never had when you were alive. Death is the only time when you are acknowledged, if you never were before.

I believe that is why people commit suicide. So that they can gain acknowledgement. So that they can know the people who actually cared about them. It's sad. Absence makes you grow fonder.

I open my eyes, and see a tall figure standing over a grave. I recognized that height and hair. I recognized that person who was stuck in a very, very dark place. Enough to rival Yu-chan. Without knowing it, my feet started moving.

"...Rekkun?"

He looked up at me. "Arisu."

"Hello." I say. "Who are you visiting?"

Rekkun took time to respond. He didn't want to answer, but he did. "Yuuki."

"Yu-chan's brother?" I ask, bending down beside the grave.

"Yeah."

I noticed Rekkun wasn't talking more than required. He noticed that I noticed, and quickly composed himself. "Anyway, I'm surprised to see you here, Arisu!"

His voice was off. I continued to look at him from beside Yuuki's grave. "It's my granny's death anniversary today."

"Oh," Rekkun's forced smile slid off his face. "Sorry."

I still looked at him. He was getting uneasy, and he looked away. It was pointless, and he knew it. I could tell everything that was going on in his head. Well, maybe not everything, but I had the general idea. He knew that if there was any moment to vent, even just a little, it was now.

"Arisu..." he began, not looking at me. He came to look at me in a very round about way, but it was only for a split second. Then his eyes slid to the grave. "Arisu, I think....I killed him."

"What?" I asked, standing up. I didn't expect this. Rekkun has many, many layers. More layers than Yu-chan. More layers than Takin. A million more than me, who is an open book.

I saw Rekkun was trying to hold back tears. His face was partially covered because of his scarf, which was bundled around his neck.

"Arisu, do you know how Yuko's family became stable again?"

"Yes, your father got his close friend to offer Yu-chan's father a job."

Rekkun's fists clenched. "If I would have noticed way back then, if I wasn't so ignorant, we could have fixed the problem sooner. They would have had enough money to pay for his treatment, and we wouldn't even be here now." His lip trembled. "It's all my fault."

I never knew Yuuki. I don't know what kind of a person he was. I don't know what kind of memories were going through Rekkun's head. I had only been with them for two years.

"Rekkun, you're not a killer." I told him. "You're a very nice person. There is no way you can be a killer."

Rekkun didn't say anything. Then he finally muttered, "I'm not nice. I'm not nice at all. Nice people don't ignore their friends. Nice people don't let their friends suffer. Nice people don't selfishly sit in their own hole of misery. Nice people don't let people die. Right under their nose."

I have never met a person who hates themselves more than this person. He is doused in self-loathing. He is the very embodiment of it. Rekkun is never okay. He breaks down everyday. If he didn't know better, he would have self-induced scars all over him.

But he doesn't. Physically, anyway. That's why I still believe Rekkun is a nice person. He is so considerate. He isn't selfish at all. He knows that if he hurts himself, it will only hurt the people around him. He never makes the same mistakes twice, either. His heart is so big, yet so full, it doesn't have space for himself.

I brought out my arms and Rekkun wordlessly fell into them. I can feel my heart thumping, but this isn't the time for that. I can feel him shivering in my arms, suppressing his tears.

I don't want Rekkun to hate himself. I want him to love himself. Everyone loves him. Even....

I.

I know it. I know I like Rekkun. But how can he accept that when he doesn't even like himself? I know Rekkun well. He means a lot to me. I know, I believe he will be okay. He can heal. If he can love himself again. Or at least not hate himself. And when he loves himself, I can love him too, no holds barred.

Being told "I love you." when you can't even love yourself is incomprehensible.