@ the aro person in the comments: danielle is def aromantic, and if she's gonna wholeheartedly accept a stranger from the real world as aro, then its about time she accepts herself, too. (also, she wants to be friends!)

@ that one person on ff . net from... somewhere? i cant find your review but i know you wanted me to answer SOME question in the A/Ns of scapegoat... I'm sorry for losing your review > . <

Anyways, here's the real chapter. (The wattpad Rulers got April Fools'd.) En-juh-hoy! And if it doesnt seem very climactic, well, maybe its not the climax...

Scapegoat

Ten: Fake Plants and Real Disasters (And Artificial Lemonade!)

When we finally find the quaint little farmhouse the Mages described, Brice's first idea is to knock on the fricking door.

"We might as well just die. Right here, right now," I groan, but no one makes an effort to step away from the cute little screen door.

"Just a minute!" wobbles a sweet old voice, and Payten looks at me with an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

It's uncomfortably silent after the old door swings open, and we're faced with nothing but a tiny old lady in a long flowery dress. "Well, aren't you a cute one! I haven't seen such a cute young girl since the flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety," the lady crows, looking down at Danielle. "And who are you all?"

"Uh," Brice begins, "we're here because, um- do you have, uh- some kind of material thing?"

"The strategical genius strikes again," Payten mutters, but then they freeze as large, pale pink spikes come into existence right above our chests.

"You're with the Mages," the woman hisses.

"No! No no," I laugh nervously, putting up my hands in placation. "We're- We're being blackmailed, um- maybe we could work something out?"

The spikes disappear, and the lady's placid smile fades back onto her wrinkled face. "Oh, how dare they disrupt such cute youth! Surely we can figure out a compromise to get us both out of this alive," she says happily, her eyes nearly entirely closed. She turns and hobbles further into the homely little house, and Payten and I exchange a glance before following after her.

"I take back everything I said about your strategy skills," Payten whispers to Brice as we walk. Danielle sighs, and I laugh quietly as we walk right into the woman's living room.

"I'm Mary Scriggins, dears, you can call me Mary!" the old lady says as she slowly lowers herself down into a recliner. Beside the recliner is a tall potted plant, and beside the plant is another, matching recliner. Mrs. Scriggins - Mary - gestures for us to come sit down, and I grudgingly sit in the recliner once my friends hurriedly take up all the room on the couch across from the chairs.

"So, let's talk about this! What are the conditions of your silly ol' blackmailin' problem?" Mary asks, smiling warmly at us all.

"Uh- Our friends, they're being held... somewhere with the Dark Mages, and we can't get them back unless we get these 'materials' from you," Brice explains, visibly squeezing Seto's hand a little more tightly. I think he's still shaken up about the whole Dark magic thing from earlier. I mean, yeah, obviously, I would be, too.

"Oh, well, knowin' the Mages, you'll need either an army or a him to get your friends back without my materials. 'Till him, I hadn't seen anyone beat the Mages since the flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety!" she says, pointing a craggly finger at Seto. "And I'm guessin' he's out of order?"

"Um... Yeah," Brice says quietly.

I butt in so he doesn't have to explain. "A Dark Mage crashed into him, and now he's... something. He's not himself."

Mrs. Scriggins' eyebrows fly up into her greyed-out hairline. "I see! You little people might just be in luck," she mumbles to herself, glancing down at her lap before snapping her eyes back up to ours. "Workin' out a compromise won't be any problem at all, I don't think," she assures us.

"What do you have in mind?" Payten asks, skeptically crossing their arms (as much as they can, anyways, what with how crowded that couch is. Payten's elbows dig into Danielle's sides).

"I'll be right back," Mary says, slowly standing up, and I awkwardly get up to help her. "Oh, thank you, dear. I'll just be right back, with some lemonade! You young people like lemonade, don't you? I haven't made lemonade for young'uns since the flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety..." She hobbles out of the room before any of us can answer, and I sit back down in my recliner.

"She seems nice," Danielle says, trying to break the silence. When no one says anything in response, Danielle huffs and wiggles away from the crowded couch, and then she darts over to my recliner and squishes herself down next to me. I roll my eyes as I make room for her. "I think she's really gonna help us."

"Hopefully," Brice sighs, but then he glances over at Seto and I know he knows any help the woman can give us will not be enough.

For a long time, it's uncomfortably silent again. We can faintly hear Mrs. Scriggins toddling about in what must be the kitchen. "Notch, it's hot in here," I complain, leaning back against the chair. "Ever heard of AC?"

"You could always cut your hair," Payten snorts. "Nearly everyone else has."

Danielle and I freeze in almost perfect synchronization. "Haha," I laugh awkwardly, forcing myself back to life as I regret my awkward conversation starter. "I guess so."

"I haven't cut my hair!" Danielle points out, shakily pointing to her own brunette head.

"You've kind of got a reason," Payten says, shrugging as they, too, stand up and move towards me and peer at my head. "We oughtta get you a haircut, make you look all edgy so the JBPD will look cooler," they laugh, giving me a toothy grin, and I smile weakly. "You could maybe shave the sides, get something like what I've got going, or maybe at least an undercut or something-"

I squeak and jump in my seat when Payten's thin fingers begin to pull gently at my hair, and Danielle winces quite obviously. "I, uh, don't please. I think shaving would probably be too much," I giggle nervously.

Payten squints, slowly backing up. "Back home, you always complained about how thick your hair is. But you won't even consider cutting it, or thinning it out..?"

"I, I like it thick! I do," I say, nodding feverishly.

"You always seem to like it when Danielle plays with your hair," they continue, moving towards me once more. I find myself pressing back into the leather of the recliner. "And you know Lizza loves playing with people's hair. Heck, so do I, but Lizza's even asked you before. Why do you always tell her 'no'?"

"I'm really good at playing with hair?" Danielle squeaks.

"Babe," Payten says. "What's up?"

"I..." My voice falters as I look up into their eyes and see the tiny tell-tale swirl of silver in their irises.

Magic.

Magic that I can't match.

"It's nothing," I whisper, coughing afterwards to force my voice back to normal. "I guess I'm just picky about my hair." Payten furrows their eyebrows in concern, and I laugh awkwardly again. "So," I say, grabbing a leaf off the potted plant next to me. "This plant looks kind of thirsty. Got any water?"

"Jen, a leaf is in your hand. I think it's pretty clear the plant is fake," Payten replies, rolling their and eyes and dropping the topic for my sake. All the same, my eyes go wide, my breath catches in my throat.

"What?" I ask weakly.

"Jen, a leaf," Danielle says, carefully enunciating each word. "You're holding a leaf. That's all."

"Oh," I reply dumbly, trying not to make my relief too obvious. "Uh. Yeah. Haha."

"Don't kill my fake plant," Mrs. Scriggins huffs as she toddles back into the room, a tray of glasses in her hands. "I didn't let you all in so you could up and wreck the place!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Scriggins," Payten replies dutifully, grudgingly sitting back down next to Brice on the couch.

"Bah, I told you to call me Mary!" Mrs. Scriggins huffs.

"Yes, Mrs. Scriggins," Payten sighs, and Mary squints.

"Well, anyways, you kids can come get your drinks," she says, placing the tray on a side table next to the couch. Danielle and I squirm out of the recliner, and Mary continues talking. "You want a cure for your boy, right?"

We all freeze, slowly looking over to her with wide-eyes. Danielle almost drops her lemonade. "A- There's a cure?" Brice asks, his eyes nearly watering with relief.

"Of sorts," Mrs. Scriggins replies. "With the state he's already in, I don't know how well it'll work. But, here's the deal: if my cure ends up workin' on him, then you kids have to leave me and my 'materials' alone. Don't tell the Mages a word about this place."

"Deal! Deal, deal, deal!" Brice laughs, jumping to his feet and tugging Seto with him. "Thank you, thank you so much!"

"I haven't seen anyone so excited since the flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety," Mrs. Scriggins chuckles. "Okay. I'll be right out with your cure."

Once more, she hobbles out of the room, this time exiting the house through a door in the kitchen.

"Well," Payten breathes. "Pretty eventful day, huh, babe?"

"A complete rollercoaster," I reply tiredly, taking a single sip of my lemonade before putting it back down on the tray. Danielle sneaks over to the fake plants and feels its leaves a bit before slowly beginning to pour lemonade into the dirt at its base. "Behave," I huff, and she pouts and drinks some of her lemonade. I pretend not to see her when she goes back to watering the fake plant with it. "You think Seto can take the Mages after he's cured?" I ask.

"I know he can," Brice says confidently. "There's not a single sorcerer in the whole world who can even hold a candle to him when he's healthy," he continues proudly, a renewed light in his eyes. "I would not want to be, like... on the side of the Dark Mages."

"The side of the Dark Mages, huh?" a voice cackles lowly, angrily, and we all look up at the entrance to the kitchen.

"Don't. Move," Mrs. Scriggins growls, and we're already frozen in place anyways. Brice is biting his lip with his left hand still held tightly in Seto's right; Danielle's hands are on the leaves of the fake plant; Payten's arms are crossed as they slowly stand up again, pushing their luck with the old lady. And I'm halfway between Payten and Danielle, with my eyes already flitting toward Payten.

"We're not going to cast any spells," Payten says slowly, looking straight at Mary. "Let's just talk, okay, hon?"

"I haven't been called 'hon' since-"

"The flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety. We know. What we don't know is why you're suddenly attacking us."

"I heard all you kids schemin' against me in here. You must be workin' with the Mages!" the lady screeches, pointing a scraggly finger at us. "Every single one of you, 'cept for the human, you all cross your arms right now!"

Payten shrugs, and Danielle carefully folds her arms in. Meanwhile, Brice awkwardly whispers for Seto to cross his arms, and I take a minuscule step towards Payten.

"Him! I want him completely distracted! And you, sidekick, don't think I don't know about your Verbal Magic! I took classes on you two!"

Brice clamps his mouth shut and then furrows his eyebrows, completely at a loss as to how he might "distract" Seto.

"Behhhh," Mrs. Scriggins huffs. "Dense. Aren't you two havin' sexual relations with each other? Distract him! Notchdang blushin' young ones," she mutters, and Brice is definitely blushing.

"Uh, I'll just- Um, he's not really in any state to cast anyways, uh-"

"Eh, well, I've got my eyes on you!" she insists, glaring at them before looking back at us three not-boys. "Now, I want y'all to follow me, arms crossed, and if any one of you kids tries to cast anything, I'll end your lives right here and now!"

"Seto, do not say a word," Brice breathes.

Seto doesn't even blink.

"Mental Magic!" Mary shrieks, and I feel the crackle of magic in the air before it even appears.

"Wait!" Brice shouts desperately, but Mary's pale pink magic is already shooting out towards each one of us, and I'm already darting over the few feet to stand in front of Payten-

"First of all," Payten says when the pink spike freezes about an inch away from my face, "don't ever try that again."

Brice breathes out a long sigh of relief, and I dare to open my eyes just in time to watch him fall back against the couch. Seto doesn't move, and Danielle swallows hard before stepping out of the way of the spike hovering in front of her.

"Second," Payten continues, spinning me around to face them, "it means a lot, babe." Their soft smile is worth any pain I would have felt, and I don't think I ever would've regretted a thing.

"Dark magic," Brice groans, throwing his hand over his eyes. "Super Dark magic."

"Alive friends," Danielle shakily replies. "Super alive friends."

"Oh, Jeb, Danielle," I breathe, rushing over to her and crouching down in front of her small frame. My hands end up on her shoulders, centering her in front of me. "Dani, I'm so sorry, you're okay, right?"

"I'm fine," Danielle replies, shrugging slightly as she looks off to the side. Oh, Jeb.

"Dani, I'm really sorry," I whisper, and Payten strikes up an awkward conversation with Brice for my sake. "I wasn't thinking, oh Jeb- you could've died, I'm so sorry."

"I understand, don't worry," she replies with a sad little smile, and I genuinely would rather die.

"You kids use Dark?" Mrs. Scriggins asks, sounding dazed as Brice's pause spell wears off. The spikes clatter uselessly to the ground and disappear.

"Not usually," Brice sighs.

"We're not with the Dark Mages," Payten says firmly, glaring at Mary. "We were talking about Seto. Our friend. Will you still help us?"

"Oh!" Mrs. Scriggins' warm smile reappears. "Of course! Just a misunderstanding, I just can't keep up with this new-fangled language, you see- I haven't taken a single English class since the flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety! Anyways, if you kids will just follow me outside, I've got it all set up..."

"Paranoid much?" I whisper, and Payten blows out a breath, shakes their head, and follows after her.

"Let's go," Danielle says, gently shouldering me aside to trail along after Payten, and I swallow my hurt and my guilt and run behind her.

"Now," Mary begins as we walk through her outside/kitchen door, "we'll probably need a human buffer considerin' his magic level is too high to be used without one..."

"I volunteer as tribute," I say immediately, shooting my hand up into the air. "Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it."

"Well, okay, then! All you have to do is put your hand here on his shoulder..," she says, forcefully pulling Seto away from Brice. Brice winces but backs up anyways. "And then put your other hand here on this neat little rock, whenever you're ready!"

"A... rock?" I ask, staring at the boulder-type thing in front of me. It's a sparkling, almost translucent white color, but it seems entirely solid. I don't exactly plan to touch it yet. It's only now that I notice the piles of hay around us (which I'm thinking are just for show, seeing as there are literally no animals around) and the many muddy puddles, withering crops, and wooden fences. I shake my head. "Seriously, a rock?"

"We've spent years tryin' to figure out the science behind scapegoats," Mary says. "All those higher-ups don't want you knowin' anythin' about it, but once we knew about the scapegoats, we also knew there had to be a better way. We've been searchin' for all the elements found in humans, and lookin' for those same elements in nature, and this was the only crystal-thing left on our list before I found the first one. Once I found it, and I realized it could hold my crashes, I didn't tell anyone, just took lots of 'em and ran! Now I just wanna live out my days with no crashes... just peace. Jeb knows the Mages'll only use these things to kill folks. No use makin' it easy for them."

"Notch bless you," Payten chuckles. "You're a good person."

"Haven't heard that since..."

Figuring it's now or never, I reach forward and press my hand to the definitely-solid surface of the crystal, and at first I'm shocked by how smooth it feels.

But then I scream out in pain as the crash moves out of Seto, through me, and into the crystal scapegoat, and Payten reaches out a hand toward me but then quickly yanks it back. Thankfully, and quite surprisingly, the process is pretty quick. The pain stops, so I glance at Mary for confirmation and then back away from Seto and the scapegoat. Payten holds me tightly as we all stare at Seto, waiting for a verdict.

After a few seconds, he simply blinks.

Brice bursts into tears and doesn't even notice when Seto furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Danielle's hands fly to cover her mouth when she notices that small bit of expression, and I grin from ear to ear. Meanwhile, Brice is still under the impression that the crash-transfer was unsuccessful, so he wipes his eyes and practically slams into Seto's chest. "Seto, hold me," he begs, as he has learned to do.

Seto raises an eyebrow and glances around at Danielle, Payten, and me each in turn, and when none of us say anything, he shrugs and wraps his arms around Brice as he cries.

This goes on for about thirty seconds before Seto gets up the courage to quietly ask, "Are you okay..?"

Brice yelps and jumps backwards, falling into a puddle of mud. This causes him to shout again, and the rest of us burst out laughing. "W-What- You-" Brice splutters as he stumbles to his feet, and Seto furrows his eyebrows in concern. "What the crap!?"

Seto's eyebrows go up and then down again in confusion, and he bites his lip for a moment before turning to me and asking quietly, "Is it the accent again?" Payten nods super seriously before I can tell him the truth, and Seto nods in understanding before turning back to Brice, who literally just watched the entirety of our tiny conversation. Perhaps Seto is still a little drowsy. "I'm sorry," he says, the forced American accent taking hold again.

"N-No, you idiot!" Brice laughs, slamming into Seto once more and wrapping his arms around him. "Oh my Jeb, I missed you so much, don't ever leave me again!"

Brice's eyes leak tears as he laughs, and he nuzzles his face against Seto's neck. Meanwhile, Seto just looks at us all with wide, confused eyes, likely wondering what he did right. "Ah- I'm sorry, I don't think I understand-" he begins, still American. "Don't you hate me..?"

"No, I never hated you!" Brice shouts, pulling away to hold Seto at arm length. "I'm just a, a total idiot, and I- Oh my Jeb, Seto, you were- I'm so, so sorry, I love you so much." He leans forward and lands a quick peck on Seto's lips before Seto can even react, and Seto brings a hand up to ghost over his lips.

"Did you just-?"

"Yes!" Brice laughs. "And, for the love of Notch, can you pick up your British accent again? It's super fricking adorable. Jeb, I love you! And not for your magic, but for you- everything about you, I just- I love you, I love you, I love you!" He pulls Seto's arms back around him and relaxes into Seto's hold, and Seto just huffs in disbelief.

"Ah, okay. I love you, too," he laughs, British accent restored. Then he freezes. "Wait. No, I was supposed to- Oh, I've messed everything up," he groans.

"Hey, shut up," Brice demands, pointing a finger up at him. "You are not dying, not anymore. We fixed you, see?"

"Fixed me-?" Seto starts, but then his eyes go wide and he seems to remember. "Miss May," he breathes.

"Yeah, we don't like her anymore," Danielle says quickly. "Now, please, can I hug you? I've been waiting so patiently so Brice could have his reunion, but now I want mine!"

Brice pouts and steps aside so Danielle can laugh and jump into Seto's arms, and Seto lets out an "oof" and stumbles back several steps. "Yikes. Bit old for that, don't you think?"

"Never!" Danielle insists, and Seto smiles and sets her down so he can hug her properly.

"I missed you, too," he laughs, and Danielle grins. "Jenny, Payten-"

Danielle shoves a hand over his mouth, and he raises an eyebrow as she huffs and continues. "No, my time's not over yet! I have to apologize first."

Seto pulls her hand off his mouth and tilts his head. "Apologize? For what?"

"For being so mean to you," she pouts, snuggling into his arms. "Mostly, for saying that Brice... hated you." Seto's face darkens, and Danielle rushes on. "But he doesn't! He doesn't, I swear!"

"I don't, I swear," Brice echoes seriously.

"Well- Thank you," Seto finally says. "Apology accepted."

"Finally," I huff, dragging Payten over so I can quickly hug Seto. He grins and encases us both in a much longer hug, and I sigh in relief. We've finally gotten him back. He's safe, he's okay.

"Thank you two for everything," he says seriously once we part.

"No problem," Payten replies. "I'm really, really, glad you're okay, Seto."

We all stare at Seto expectantly.

Finally, he sighs and gives in. "You want me to apologize for my death plan."

Brice puts his hand on his hip, and Payten crosses their arms.

"I am sorry," Seto says obediently. "Sorry for hurting you, certainly, always. But to save you from a greater pain... To save you from a greater pain, I would do it all again."

"No. You. Wouldn't," Brice sniffs, poking Seto on the nose with each word, and his eyebrows shoot up as he jumps back. "We love you, all of us! We can't lose you. So if anything like this ever happens again, you can bet your buttons you'll be telling us about it."

Slowly, slowly, Seto's frown tips up into a smile. "Thank you," he whispers.

"Thank you," Brice argues angrily.

"Kids these days!" Mrs. Scriggins huffs. "I haven't seen a show like that since-"

"The flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety," everyone but Seto and Mary chants, and then we all burst out into laughter while those to look on in confusion.

"Ah... apologies," Seto says politely, quickly scanning the crystal and then following it up with a short spell as he graciously ignores our laughter. Immediately, several piles of the scapegoat crystals appear in front of Mary, who gapes at Seto. "Please accept this as thanks for your hospitality."

"Where did you get this!?" she asks, eyes nearly bugging out of her head.

Seto shrugs. "There's a mine located a few miles from here, by the river. Apparently no one has ever properly discovered it."

"Oh, bless you young people! I knew youth was good for somethin'!" Mrs. Scriggins laughs gleefully, tottering back inside. "Now get off my Notchdang farm!"

☼☼☼

I haven't written a chapter like this since the flood of Twenty-Oh-K-Oh-Ninety...