Stories up for Critique from October 18-31

Kismetwinters - Spider's Game, chapters 1-3

Total word count: 8,500 words. Subgenre: paranormal/thriller. Highest Rank:  There is no graphic sex or violence - but with the caveate that there are disturbing sexual and violent situations presented in the first chapter.

The sub-genres are something Jesse needs help on. For her next revision she wants to emphasize the sci-fi elements. But the story also leans toward paranormal (hive mind of ghosts, magic as power drawn from living things) and the plot formation is more typical of Thriller or Paranormal. Her problem is that she can't seem to get it to fit snug enough in one genre to fully place it there. 

Jesse is looking to identify places that scream one genre or another so in revisions she can control the messages being sent.

This is a third revision but only one of those was based on peer input and Jesse would appreciate fresh eyes.

shalonsims - The Dreaming: Old Shalon's Story, Letter & chapters 4-5

Total word count: 7,800 words. Subgenre: young adult. Highest rank: #200 in sci-fi. No graphic sex or violence. Target audience: 16 year olds.

The sixth chapter is too long to include, so I'm cutting it off at chapter 5. Happy to report that with all of you reading my story, it ranked #200 in sci-fi!

My feedback request for the next chapters:

I'm particularly curious if you think that the characters seem realistic and consistent? Also, I find it difficult to write in first person and still pay attention to the other characters. Do you think Michael and Nike are too much in the background? 

Any other feedback is greatly appreciated!

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IMPORTANT NOTE - point system has changed!

To earn your points, you must report back here after you've finished your critique. All critiques are now worth 25 points. Observation/reader reports are mandatory. They can be long or short (minimum 200 characters). People who participate by commenting on other reports by other critters will be awarded additional points.

Critiquing Reminder

No judgements, only observations. We are all here to help each other succeed in our writing. What isn't your cup of tea will be somebody's feast!

Describe: What's going on? What are you experiencing as you read?

Interpret: What do you think the author was intending? Where do you think it's headed?

Evaluate: Is it working? WHY? (don't forget the 'because' in your criticism. "It's not working because dada-dada-dada." YOU MUST SAY WHY something is or is not working.

Consider: Setting, Plot, Characterisation, Pace, Writing Quality, Dialogue, Theme, etc.

Accepting Criticism Reminder

Be quiet and listen.

Don't defend your writing! Don't respond to negative criticism if you feel upset about it. Take a break and come back to it later. We all have bad days. Don't look at criticism when you're having a bad day.

Appreciate and be grateful to your critics -- they have taken their time to read your writing and give you their thoughts! Remember, they aren't trying to hurt you or take you down. We are all here to help each other succeed in our writing.

IF you feel capable of responding to criticism, then focus on what you've learned from the critique. If you feel comfortable you may try to explain why you did something, and ask for ideas on how you might do it better in the next draft, from their perspective. But again, don't get defensive and start explaining why it's great the way it is. Accept the person didn't see or understand what you were trying to do.

Take what works for you and leave the rest behind.

Have fun!