Reviewed by: FmEver

Book Title: The Awakening Of Death's Heir

Author's Name: cigxr-dreams

Cover: 10/10

I can't find any mistakes. The colors, the images, the fonts...Everything is perfect!

Title: 8/10

The title is very interesting but it could be shorter.

Blurb/Description: 7/10

I usually don't like blurbs that include a scene or a part of a scene. But yours works and it's very interesting. I didn't like the second part about Ernaline's boring life. Very unique name, by the way. It's repetitive and it's obvious from the title and the first paragraph that this isn't a normal story at all. Also, the change of pov twice doesn't help either. Firstly, there's a first-person pov, then you switch to the third person and then, another switch to what I believe is second pov. This doesn't show consistency and it feels like a rollercoaster of techniques that do more harm than good. I suggest keeping the first paragraph and editing the second one by being more direct and to the point. The third part ("You'll never...isn't he?") is unnecessary.

Creativity and originality: 6/10

The plot is quite unique and original even though there are many stories about characters that didn't know their origin. The way you deliver the story, though, isn't very creative. The flow is hindered a lot, the characters don't stand out and you should really read more stories of the genre you are writing.

Plot and Flow: 10/20

Your idea is very interesting and I love strong, female characters with an evil past/future. However, I noticed a few things that if changed could improve your story a lot. For example, in the prologue, the waking up scene tends to be cliché. I'm sure you can find something more interesting to begin your story with. Also, there are subtler ways to show how the protagonist looks. E.g. you can show her shining green eyes or the way her brown hair moves when she walks without telling it all directly. Another thing that should be shown subtler is her "beautiful" body. I noticed you mentioned it a lot in the first few chapters. Instead, dive right into the action, avoid mentioning the same things over and over again and try to let her character shine.

The flow was disrupted a few times and the transitions between the scenes weren't good. For example, don't write "somewhere in another realm", but use a description to show that the scene is taking place somewhere far and dark from where the girl is.

There were also a lot of asterisks and long paragraphs in italics. In the prologue, the first three parts didn't connect with the rest of the prologue. Completely remove the waking up part and extend the final scene. Also, the end of the flashback/memory in chapter 1 is abrupt and if there weren't the italics I wouldn't understand the change of scene immediately. Try to have smoother transitions and clearly show where the flashback ends. Using tenses correctly will help a lot.

During chapter 3, I noticed that you highlighted the time a lot of times. This makes the experience a little boring because it makes me understand exactly how time passes. You shouldn't focus so much on how much time passed but what happened and if it was important enough to write it.

Character Development: 4/10

I had a hard time connecting to your characters because I didn't know a lot of things about them.

I understand that your protagonist doesn't really know what's happening because she's only trying to figure things out on her own, but you should show what she likes to do, how she behaves, what makes her angry or happy. You don't have to spend time writing everyday-small talk scenes but find ways to move the plot forward while making your characters realistic. When writing it's important to know what your characters want, what they feel, the way they think, and what they are willing to do to get what they want.

Furthermore, it's important to have realistic secondary characters too. Rick's story is tragic but we know nothing about him so by the time you give his diagnosis, the reader cannot feel as sad as they could be if they had invested more in the character. You should develop their relationship more and make the scene more impactful.

Writing style, Grammar, spellings, etc.: 6/10

In chapter one, I noticed that you switch between past and present tenses. E.g. "...as I take a pile..." and at the next paragraph "...I placed the brush..." This is a common mistake and you can easily fix it. Choose one type of tense (e.g.) past tenses and do quick proofreading.

Don't forget to put the comma inside the quotation marks when you use a dialogue tag but you should use a full stop when you use an action beat (e.g. I shrugged).

Avoid writing long paragraphs in italics because it's tiring to the eye. You mostly write nice transitions before and after those flashbacks/strange scenes (I don't know how to call them) so you don't have to highlight the scenes with italics.

Genre relevance: 10/10

Your story is a fantasy one as you mentioned in your form.

Reader enjoyment and Communication with the readers: 7/10

I think your readers mostly enjoyed your story, especially the dark part of it and the mystery behind her origins. You could, however, interact more with them in the comments.

Overall: 68/100

All in all, I don't think that your story has its own unique voice. You should have a clear view of who your characters are and keep writing because that's the only way to improve. Also, read a lot of books, preferably not on Wattpad, and maybe enter a book club. Good luck!