Reviewed by: _summering_
Book title: The Lost Revenge
Author's name: Lovatic_HarryHook

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Cover: 8/10

The cover is the first impression of your book and its basic purpose is to convey the story's genre. And I can say you have done a great job on this one! The title is sufficiently visible and prominent enough to make a reader examine it. Additionally, the elements found in your cover absolutely give the witchy and heat-of-revenge vibe. The two girls, which are the main focus, pose an impression of relevance and rivalry. I love how you choose the expression of your face claims and how it fits the entire mood of the cover and story as a whole. But I do think that the author's name can be made a little more visible as I haven't noticed it at first glance.

Title: 10/10

The Lost Revenge is one intriguing title. The thrill is there as it rolls off my tongue. Honestly, when you hear the word revenge, you'll expect action and a lot of intense scenes. Since you want to know what the said revenge is all about, you will be itched to find out more.

Blurb/Description: 9/10

Your blurb is satisfactory. It explains the character's dilemma. Through your blurb, I can get a good glimpse of the two important characters of the story. It's exactly something you need in a blurb and I am really interested and looking forward to how they will face and overcome the conflict.

The way you end it with a hanging question is really a great job on your part. It makes my toes curl in anticipation. When both of them happen to have different goals, I wonder how revenge comes to the scene. Maybe it has something to do with both of them growing apart or when one feels betrayed. As I have said, it raises a lot of questions—a tease—that can only be satisfied by clicking that "read" button.

But there's this paragraph that confuses me and I think needs a rephrasing to provide clarity.

One city. Two girls and numerous crimes summed up Edinburgh. The city wasn't always like this. All it needed was Ren Santiago to enter this city, filled with secrets about her.

I don't think it is necessary to put "one city" at the beginning of the paragraph. You do mention Edinburgh and the succeeding sentence does state that it is a city. So it can be like this: Two girls and numerous crimes summed up Edinburgh. The city wasn't always like this. All it needed was Ren Santiago to enter this city, filled with secrets about her. But then again, what about the "numerous crimes" which are supposed to sum Edinburgh? Before reading the story, I expect it to be a city drenched in blood and citizens on a killing spree. Maybe I am exaggerating but it is something like that. But in your story, Edinburgh isn't portrayed like what the blurb tells. The crimes that take place in Edinburgh are Macey's death and the arson that took Bethany's life. The arson committed by Macey and the gang isn't counted because it has nothing to do with Ren and Ava and it cannot be tied to them. Maybe the keyword is numerous and needs a little rephrasing.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10

I love how creative the plot is and the way you manage to weave the threads into something engaging and unique. Ren and Ava both have complex lives. It all started when Ren's parents switched her in place of another baby for the sole reason of protection. As both of them came into contact with each other and later on became friends, the truth behind their family along with the strange occurrences have surfaced. And you have perfectly pieced together clues and other missing puzzle pieces to create a complete picture of the truth. I can definitely see a very different plot than the other books I've read that revolves around witches and demons.

Plot flow: 15/20

The storyline follows the narrative of a young girl who, at such a young age, got disowned by her own family. The first chapter titled "Alone" is about the main reason why Ren decides to turn evil. Hence, the reason why she comes up with the idea of revenge. It stems from her family disowning her. And this is one excellent chapter as the emotions successfully reached me. But if Ren does really feel begrudged and alone now that her family left her to live alone, you can do more by adding a more intense scene to even justify her emotions. Aside from her mom and dad, the uncles, aunts, and other people she doesn't know are present at the time. Her hatred can be even more justified if she feels oppressed by everyone as they look at her in disgust because she's different. Or maybe let them tell her some offensive words or insults. You can do this instead of her relatives just sitting there like watching a television drama because obviously, sending Ren away cannot just be her parents' decision. It can be partly because of the tradition that their coven follows for millennia. But unknown to them, she isn't completely magicless. Something more powerful and dark lies deep within her.

A sequence of events then led her to Edinburgh where a revelation of her past and family history hid. But this time, it isn't just all about her but her best friend Ava as well. It turns out that knowing the answer and the truth come at a price and that is the friendship they have built over the years. Everything changes when weird things start to happen and a different feeling blooms inside Ava. A chance to be loved by other people. To seek acceptance not just by Ren but other people too. Specifically, the love of a family. As Ren had said, she wasn't enough for Ava. Not because Ava is enough for her doesn't mean she is to her.

Though you should be careful and mindful of where it is best to put time skips. I cannot say that there's a smooth flow in your transitions. There are random jumps in the timeline or flashbacks. In Chapter 4, I don't think it is necessary to put the flashback of a few hours later (in the future) because it disrupts the smooth flow of the transition. I get that it's kind of a sneak to peek at what may happen in the future but it feels so random. You can just go straight to the scene where Ren goes shopping with Ava and then proceed to the "ouija board" scene.

Sadly, the story ended with Ren sacrificing but we cannot judge a story by how it ends, can we?

Can the perfect revenge really be found? Can you really rejoice in the pain you put someone through? Even if you can, will the universe let you? It's always going to be hidden until one day, finally lost by your side.

I love how you wrapped the story up by this ending line which made light and made even more sense of the title.

Character Development: 9/10

Reading The Lost Revenge, we come to know that most evils are not what they are from the start. The emotional connection Ren has to her family takes a toll on her the moment they decide to send her away. Their twisted views on how their family shall work adds more reason to her future actions and decisions.

"Your grandmother only started doing magic when she was 8 years old. But she is now one of the most powerful witches. We thought it would be the same with you," her dad exclaimed.

This line pretty much relates to a real-life experience. I love how you addressed this issue in your story. When others expect things to be the same for us, we force ourselves to reach that kind of expectation. Her family set up shows what most individuals in reality face. Dictates. Pressure. In Ren's case, her choice of clothes and friends is not her own choice. The reason? She has to meet her mother/family's standards.

Before knowing that Ren is not their real daughter, I especially want to know Andrea and Blair's thoughts. Like how are they able to be like that? Is it that easy for them to let their only child thrive on her own without their love and guidance? Did they even once hesitate or try considering disobeying their tradition for their own daughter? So many questions. So much emotion is at play. By erasing her memories, they think they are doing her a big favor.

But after that heartbreaking incident, Ava's presence in Ren's life gave her the light. Ava has a personality to keep on believing in herself no matter what people tell her. On the other hand, Ren is a type of friend who's ready to fight for her. Their friendship is unique and just like any kind of friendship you would want to have. Her early development as a character is shown when she decides to release her frustration at the bullies. She realizes there aren't many things that a single person can take. But then the joy of hurting someone is something new to add to her character. Everything took its turn the moment Blair shows up and she has to make a choice, a decision where something is going to be sacrificed. Ava could have handled the situation differently but her judgment became clouded. But just like any character in a story, Ava isn't perfect and she makes mistakes too. What made me confused is where Ava learned the heart-stopping spell since she previously doesn't have an idea who she is. Has she done her research? Where did she get resources to learn some spells? It isn't shown in the story.

Ren, on the other hand, is a pretty determined girl. She seems to be trying to be better than anyone around her. Looks like she's influenced by how much her old coven values reputation that she wants them to show how wrong they have been. And then, there's Bethany. It's a good thing to have her in Ren's life. She is the closest to being a mother she never had. But sadly, she has to die somewhere in the middle of the story. I can't see Andrea being a mother even after knowing Ava is her real daughter. Not even an ounce of effort has happened to convince Ava to never side with the enemies. She just let her like she doesn't care at all.

This story is about making choices and every character faces them. Ren, Ava, Andrea and Blair, and Sebastian are all given an option. It's a matter of choosing one thing over the other. The question is: Which matters more?

Writing style/Grammar: 5/10

I will give pointers on what you have to improve in your writing style and grammar.

1. You have to work on your punctuations especially the missing commas and periods.

"Why can't you just study really hard?" Ava asked

"Why can't you just study really hard?" Ava asked.

2. Dialogue tags should begin with a small letter unless it's a name.

"Were you expecting someone else?" She asked

"Were you expecting someone else?" she asked.

3. If you would like to emphasize an action or a word, you should opt to use italics. Bold can only be used for scannability so that readers can easily find a particular word. But when you use italics, it perfectly blends with the rest of the text and you will only notice it when you reach that part of a read. Bold has enough inkiness to stand out from the surrounding texts.

4. Inner thoughts should be italicized.

The kisses? The claims of 'I love you'? Were they all just a lie? She thought as her eyes got watery.

The kisses? The claims of 'I love you'? Were they all just a lie? she thought as her eyes got watery.

5. New speaker, new paragraph

From:

"I haven't introduced myself. I am Bethany Brown. You can call me Bethany" "Thank you, for everything." Ren said politely.

Change to:

"I haven't introduced myself. I am Bethany Brown. You can call me Bethany"

"Thank you, for everything," Ren said politely.

Here's another one:

From:

"That does not mean we do not want you all to get a good education. A few parents, if they are alive that provides their kids with money. But in your case, we don't really know anything about you. We would like to ask you a few questions" Bethany concluded. "Oh" Ren said.

Change to:

"That does not mean we do not want you all to get a good education. A few parents, if they are alive that provides their kids with money. But in your case, we don't really know anything about you. We would like to ask you a few questions" Bethany concluded.

"Oh," Ren said.

6. As a general rule of thumb, try to choose one end punctuation mark for a sentence. A string of question marks won't capture your character's confusion as well as a carefully chosen gesture, action, or line of dialogue. The combination of a question mark and exclamation point or the interrobang can be used when a question is exclaimed.

"Baby, we are going to send you away"

"What!?!? Why!?!" Ren's face filled with horror.

But before you put it to use, consider this: is this really the most effective way to communicate the character's emotion? You'll accomplish even more if you focus on description, action, or gesture to reveal the nuances of the character's experience. Also, consider the connotations that come with multiple punctuation marks at the end of the sentence and how well those interact with your intentions. Are you looking for that feeling in your narrative?

"Baby, we are going to send you away"

"What!?!? Why!?!" Ren's face filled with horror.

I think that there needs to be something in between. Give us her thoughts. Why did she react that way? Her reaction was so sudden. At first, she has to be confused, processing what her dad said. And when it finally dawned on her, her face filled with horror. When her father said that they are going to send her away, I think you should have described it more. What is the tone of his voice? Is it hard, a little hesitant, or void of any emotions? What do his eyes show? Is he able to look her straight in the eye? You could have added some body language.

Genre relevance: 10/10

Definitely a paranormal story, but that's not all. The story also has an element of mystery/thriller. It keeps me on the edge of my seat! It will make you anticipate the next scenes.

Reader's Enjoyment: 7/10

I genuinely enjoyed it! It took me only a day to read the entire story because I can't get enough of Ren and Ava. It is an emotional ride as I cannot help but feel empathy, not sympathy, towards the main characters. They are definitely something else. Good job!

Overall: 83/100

The Lost Revenge is a good read that depicts situations happening in real life. It tells so much about family conflicts and how such a problem affects an individual. It tells a lot of lessons about choices, acceptance, and taking responsibility in every decision. Although there are a lot of areas you need to improve, this book has the potential to reach people's hearts and to become big and successful. Just consider my tips and suggestions above.

~ Gwen, _summering_

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