Over the last three days I had tried to come up with a thousand different ways to start a proper conversation with Vaani , but couldn't man up to execute half of them and the other half failed me terribly. Meanwhile I had gotten into the habit of watching her wake, walk up to the balcony at night and sit there for a while; some days she would tear up ,other days she would just sit there staring away at the night sky. It was difficult to see her break apart every night , but stepping into her alone time didn't strike me as a solution or even remotely appropriate.

Determined to break this thick wall of ice between us and still lacking a doable plan , I took half the day off today. When I reached our room , she was nowhere near sight. Sitting down on the bed , loosening up my tie , I tried to think of something quick.

" You are home !!!!" I heard her voice for the first time since she moved into our house. Low pitched ,sharp and almost melodious.

" You speak" the words just flew out of my mouth unchecked as I turned to face her .

" Yes I do. You seem surprised."

" It's the first time you have spoken to me ,since..." I stopped not knowing if I should bring up the word 'marriage' into this conversation.

" Have you ?" she spoke in a matter of fact tone , making me wonder how she wasn't a lawyer by profession.

" True. I should have ." Given the fact that its my house , it should have been me who made her feel welcome .....so she was right to point that out .

" You freshen up. I will get you tea."

" Coffee would be great , considering the fact that I am not a tea person ."

" Why didn't you tell me that before ? For the past two weeks I have been getting you tea ." I couldn't figure out whether she was pissed off or concerned ; the lack of emotions on her face made it hard to decipher her thoughts.

" Well....at first I thought it was just one day ,then the fact that you were gone by the time I returned from the shower ....kind of made it difficult for me to say it. After a few days , it just felt inappropriate to say no to something I had been having regularly ." As I finished my monologue , I realized how stupid the whole thing sounded. " Trust me it sounded much better when I said it in my mind."

" Okay. Coffee then. Will send someone with it in some time."

" Actually can you get it ? I wanted to talk to you , that's the reason I took the day off ."

I could see something in her eyes , panic perhaps. The shining armour that she had so bravely put up till now was starting to show its kinks , just on the mention of a conversation.

" I have to help aunty with the dinner preparations" she tried to escape .

" That's what we have a cook for. In case my mom, our cook and the house help fail to cook something by dinner time , then I am sure we can order food from outside."

She looked uneasy for a moment , trying to come up with more reasons to avoid talking but after being unable to come up with anything reasonable she agreed to sit with me unwillingly.

I had to wait a while till she resurfaced with two mugs of piping hot coffee. I was waiting for her on the wide balcony overlooking the garden, where she set the cups up on the small coffee table between the two bean bags. It was almost dusk with the last rays of sun peeping through the curtains of darkness ahead. I waited for her to settle down comfortably. For minutes we watched the sun set , while sipping our coffee. It took some time but I could see her tense body relax .

" You know you don't have to set out my clothes every day." I wanted to begin our talk with something random ; this was all I could come up with. Definitely I wasn't any good at this.

" I don't mind " she replied looking at the crimson dusky sun.

" I meant you shouldn't feel compelled to do all that . Besides I have lived in hostels all my life ; first the boarding school, then far away college , then abroad . I am used to doing my own things."

" I like doing the chores, no one is compelling me to. I like keeping busy ." She still didn't look into my direction as she spoke.

" Fair enough. But aren't there other ways to keep busy ? I mean don't you want to go back to your job ?" Don't take me wrong , I wasn't one of those people who liked only career driven women but it definitely struck me as odd that a professional architect such as her didn't want to have a career any more .

" No." That's all she said. Nothing more , just a single word answer. This was going to be difficult.

Leaving the career talks for another time , I tried to steer the conversation to some other direction .

" See Vaani , I know this is a marriage of convenience for the both of us ."

" Not for you !" I had her attention this time. Her face was all grave as she spoke again , looking directly into my eyes " You didn't have any compulsion , any reason to step into this .......this....marriage." The difficulty with which she uttered the word gave it all away. Perhaps she had hoped for a denial from my side , her only hope out of this sham but my acceptance had robbed her of her last hope . Only if i had known it then.

" I didn't have any reason to say no to this either. I had been told you weren't under any kind of pressure and I chose to believe my parents , that's all." I suddenly had the feeling of guilt wash all over me. Why hadn't I made any effort to know what she wanted ? Why didn't I think of calling her once ? Was I guilty of respecting a ailing woman's wishes while ignoring another human being completely ?

" What's done is done ! We cant go back ." Her practicality was surprising ; I didn't take her as the practical kind . She seemed to be more emotional , but then who says we cant be both ?

" You are right. Since we cant go back , can we at least try to move forward. I know its not the ideal situation but shouldn't we at least try to make this work ?"

There was no answer from her . She just looked at me with her eyes trying to search for answers.

" Can't we at least be friends ?" I could see her strain lifted as soon as that word came out of my mouth . " I mean we were friends once."

" Well , forced friends !" For the first time I could see her eyes lit up , even if it was for a fleeting second.

" Yeah kind of !" That's what happens to kids when your mothers are childhood besties. I remembered us playing together as tiny tots , but that memory was short lived . " When did we stop being friends ? you remember anything ?"

" When you started liking video games ."

" and you started loving basket ball !" I revolted.

"That's not entirely true. I did try to play sports with you every time we had to spend time together , but you wouldn't play ! all you ever wanted to do was to play video games ."

" Well that's because you didn't let me win in anything else!" As embarrassing as it was to admit that I sucked at outdoor sports as a kid , it was a relief to see her talk like that.

" Is that why you fought with me ?"

"I fought with you ? No wonder my father sent me off to boarding school ; bad at sports and fought with girls.....enough reasons I guess ." I laughed remembering both of us as kids ; a memory that was long lost somewhere in time.

" I think it had more to do with tradition than anything else. Your father went to the same school , if I remember correctly ." I could spot a smile almost making its way to her lips but repressed before it could reach full bloom .

" You have an amazing memory."

" No I don't . Your mom told me this just yesterday."

" That explains it !"

That was it . We couldn't carry the conversation forward . Neither of us spoke anytime soon. But she didn't leave either . We sat there in silence , which wasn't as uncomfortable as before. Sometimes quietness can be pleasant too. We watched as the moon ascended the sky and took its place between the stars. No words were spoken , yet it didn't feel like we were strangers anymore. I know it will be a long journey from here on ; its merely the start but at least we aren't at ground zero anymore. If baby steps ....is what this relationship needed....so be it.

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