"My soul must be a fragment of yours.
It denies looking away from you."

"He is not my type, nor I'm like 'his kind of woman." She air quoted the last few words with a sadistic smile.

"If it is like that then why are you still looking hurt?"

"Am I?" She questioned with concern.

"Now you will be mad at me." Her friend thought to give up the talk but she was in no mood for so.

"I'm not hurt. I'm disappointed with myself,"  She exhaled, flopping on the bed like a fallen tree. A warm tear rolled down her temple.

"I'm disappointed that I might have fallen for him, knowing well that there is nothing good or common or reasonable or anything positive about it. Yet, I have..." She stopped breathing to control her rambling.

"Hey, get up and look at me." Her bestie grabbed her wrist to make her sit back, "It's completely fine. Accept that you liked him. That's it. It's natural. At times We get attracted to people, opposite to our nature."

"It was not attraction. It must be something else... Something I didn't want. Something I certainly didn't want to feel this way for this guy." She broke into tears.

"Ok, so this is serious than I thought. You love him."

"No. I can't. He's a sot! Womanizer! And everything I hate!" She retaliated.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because...because today he cried in front of me. For someone." She muttered controlling herself. "In that moment I felt weird. I mean, he opened his heart in front of me but not for me. For someone I have never heard of. I felt close to him, yet so distant. He trusted me for his delicate part of life but I wasn't part of it." She looked away to hide the embarrassment, "I know it's not like Me! But that's the problem. It was just a normal, interaction. We just know each other. Or better say we just know each other names then how can I get so affected?"

"Decide first, either you know him or not. You can't love or hate someone without knowing him. But it seems like you are hating yourself to love him."

"I feel the same."

"How long it will take you to decide? if you love him or just know him? if it's love or just affection or I better say, attraction?"

She sat straight gazing into her face yet lost in her own thoughts.

"Babe, ok, tell me first. You wanted to be part of his that part of life?''

"I don't know. I don't want to be there in his wrong doings. I mean, things I consider wrong are actually fun for him. I can't be doing all those idiotic stuff with him."

She sat straight, looking straight into her eyes yet as if looking somewhere else.

"I can't even bear to see him gulping all that stuff and loosing his senses. Strangest thing here is, I never felt him offensive or disrespectful toward me even when he was not able to sit properly. He sat there next to me like a wall or shield to protect from rest of people."  She kept mumbling in softer tone, "People, who were in tact senses yet there was no shame to gaze a girl, might be of their daughters age. That person looked at me and whispered 'what if I'm bad but that doesn't gives anyone else a licence to bother anyone.' in general situation, that much closeness of a drunken fella might have threatened me but that look was not of a predator. I felt weirdly safe sitting next to him. As if nothing else mattered."

For a moment she was calm. As if feeling his eyes on herself was soothing her soul.

" That mean his drinking habit doesn't bother you. Isn't it?"

"Bother? Don't know. The first n last time I saw him making a drink, i felt like throwing up. As if my throat got choked. I left the table that very moment. And you know the funniest part? And the saddest of it?"

"What?"

"Funniest part was, he started to pour and the waiter forbade for it. He had to leave with that bottle."

"And what's sad here? You might be happy that he didn't drink infront of you."

"He didn't even notice that I left my plate untouched." She looked into her eyes with a deep hurt as if reliving that pain again. "It doesn't matter for him if I was there or not?" And cherry on the top! After half n hour he returned at the table and asked me to order dessert. When I denied he insisted. He had sweet of my choice on his birthday."

Her friend had given up till now. She had nothing to say but to hear.

"This man is so weird. At a moment he makes me feel as if my presence matters everything for him. The next moment he overlooks me as if my whole damn existence never existed for him." 

Tears of pain were replaced with the tears of anger and frustration.

"Why don't you talk to him?"

"Talk to him what? When I'm not sure about this hell state of mind I'm in. He is like rest of men. He will make fun of me and walk away. I can't be a laughing stock for him."

"Why do you think negatively? What if it's all in your imagination only? What if he's interested in you?"

"That's what I am saying. What if it's all my imagination? What if my existence has no value for him? What if all his jokes, protectiveness, understanding and care is part of his nature? What if he does it all to hide his love for that other girl."

She took a moment to sink in her own words "Other girl! Actually that's what I am trying to be right now. I'm trying to convince myself that it's not love what I'm feeling for him. I'm trying to convince myself that there's no one in his life when I know it well that I could never be the one he loves."

She hugged her friend tight to hide tears streaming continuously on her cheeks , "I don't want to feel this way. I just want to go numb. I just want to go back in time and erase that moment when I felt that pain in his eyes, when I saw that real smile of him. I just want to tell myself that... That he is not mine."