There was no silence on that day, only screaming. Voices vibrated off the walls, almost hushed by terror, by the hopelessness, by the fear. There was nothing left, all fight was gone, no self-worth or identity to go by. They had tried to break her, and they had succeeded, with no name, no love to go by. The only reminder that she was a living and breathing human was her heart pounding within her chest, like a lion trying to break free; a caged lion who was forced to comply with the ring masters.

Hands grabbed at her from all directions, reaching, pulling at her arms and legs, and no matter how many times she tried to pull away, their holds would only get tighter. She screamed until her lungs hurt. Until they had gotten so tired of her screaming, they smothered her mouth with their rough hands to silence her. Tears rolled down her cheeks, shutting her eyes in hopes of blocking them out, but the panic that thundered in her chest made the world feel too loud. Voices reverberated violently through her skull.

She couldn't stop fighting. Not yet.

Yet it seemed like the best option, her only option.

When she opened her eyes, she could see small thin wires edging closer, glinting in the blinding UVB lights above. All that could be done was stare and watch helplessly, being held down by multiple bodies, her thin figure snapping under their weight. In only a few moments, the wires began to brush her skin, sneaking their way up before digging themselves in.

She screamed, as much as she could through their voices, past their hands, and no matter how muffled they were, she would. Her screams were all that she had left of her own being they had no control of, even if they were quieted. The wires wiggled through her violently until they had reached their goal, her heart, where they spread over, like a snake constricting their prey, getting tighter with each heartbeat.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe, her chest searing in pain, gasping in hopes of getting air, but it wasn't enough as the edges of her vision began to fade to black. When another wire burrowed its way into her stomach, she was too tired to even fight, and she could only watch as she was released from their hold and announced success against the girl known as 107.

Not a name, but a number.

This was not her body anymore. They had control.

Something hung over her head, but she was too tired to fight, even as the cool plastic mask suctioned tightly around her mouth and nose, feeling a tube make its way down into her lungs. She couldn't fight the machine, it wasn't long before her breathing became one with it, nausea rolling in her stomach, but nothing came up.

Her head lulled to the side, feeling every limb suddenly go cold. She couldn't move, and though she didn't feel any movement, her vision began to blur as water rushed past her ears and whirled around her.

This body doesn't belong to me. The thought whirled in her head.

You are merely an object.

If any tears were left, they were gone with the water.

You are only an object, that's all you are. The thought roared in her head.

You...

Have...

No...

Control.

She wanted to run, she wanted to wrap herself up in the sheets on the bunks, hiding from all the monsters that lurked around the halls. But everything was gone, forever in a loop of pain and wishes of what once was.

It's just a nightmare.

Something like a weighted warm blanket wrapped around her

You are safe.

Then everything faded to black, and she welcomed it as it swallowed her up.

☽

When Helice opened her eyes again, she was sitting up gasping for air in a pitch-black room, some light being let in by the window that looked over the parking lot. Nausea twisted at her stomach, and she stumbled to her feet, her legs like Jell-O and wobbling under her weight. She wanted to make her way to the bathroom, to collapse on the cold tiles and curl up into a ball. To turn to stone or to disappear into nothingness in the unlit room, but she didn't make it, collapsing onto the carpet and every emotion she had been trying to hold back, came crashing down on her.

She broke down, nails clawing at her scalp, tears streaming down her cheeks harder than before, wailing. Her own thoughts were louder than the world around her, like a freight train roaring in circles around her brain, overwhelming the sound of the clocks ticking, the footsteps running down the hall, and the sobs that left her mouth.

Warm arms embraced her from behind, going over the front of her body, drawing her near, rocking back and forth. "It's ok, it's ok, you're safe."

"I don't have it!" Helice sobbed, banging her fist against the sides of her head. "They have it!"

"Hey, hey." The woman said lightly, leading her hands away from her head and down onto her lap, her voice soft. "Who has what?"

"They have control! The scientists..." Her voice dropped to nothing but a whisper. "They... they have control... I... I am just an object..."
"Oh no, no, you are not just an object, ok?" She pulled her closer to her body, hugging her a little tighter. "You are a person, a living breathing person with a loud and proud heart in your chest."

Helice stared ahead of her for a moment before letting her head rest against the woman's chest, closing her eyes, her sobs slowly turning into sniffles and hiccups. "How can I be so sure when I was told I was nothing but such for all of my life?"

"Well, I'll make sure to remind you every time you forget." She smiled, resting her chin against the top of her head. "I will never let you forget what a beautiful soul you are, ok?"

For a long moment, she was quiet, absorbed in the moment, enjoying the silence. The urge to sit there for hours was eminent, to curl up in her lap, leaning against her until sleep tugged at her eye lids again, but the fear of going back to the dark place is what kept her eyes open. Neither of them broke away, the sound of their breathing calming, something that they didn't want to interrupt.

It was only until the sun edged its way above the horizon, was when they stirred, looking up towards the window as blades of light casted the room in a dim yellow glow, slowly making the darkness dissipate. Nika snored off in the distance, and songbirds began to sing their morning tunes, bringing wakefulness to the city.

"How are you feeling?" The woman finally broke the silence, unwrapping her arms from around the girl.

"Better." Helice responded, staring down at her hands. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I-I..."
"No." She interrupted her. "I don't care if you woke me up, you are priority over sleep, ok?" Then, she booped her nose, which caused Helice to go cross eye to stare at her finger. "Anyway, I should wake up Nika and get breakfast ready. Is there anything specific you would want?"
Helice was silent for a moment before she shook her head. "I'm good, I am not super hungry at the moment. If anything I can eat what is left over."

"Helice..."
"I'll eat lunch. Just not now." She brought her knees to her chest and put her chin on her knees. "Please, just..."
The woman got up and placed a hand on her shoulder, her eyes filled with understanding. "I know it's hard. When I finish feeding Nika, I'll let her come over and we can watch a movie or something. Sound good?"
Helice nodded her head and Avanellie headed out, calling for Nika along the way, and the medium sized white dog pranced out into the hallway, following at her heel. She was left alone for a moment, left again to her own thoughts, but instead of following Avanellie, she headed out onto the balcony, sliding open the door and plopping down on a cushioned seat. The breeze tugged at leaves on the trees, and the cars below honked loudly, anger broiling as traffic blocked the streets.

It was something that could keep her dark thoughts from taking over her mind again, watching the little brown finches and northern mockingbirds that flew by and tweeted happily. Little butterflies landed on the colorful little posies, which she watched with a crooked smile, though her brow was furrowed.

She couldn't help but draw her fingers over her arms, where the memories of the past had embedded themselves, little scars marking their way up her arms below her sleeves. They blended in well with her pale skin, but the nicks on her skin were undeniably rough against her fingertips. She got lost, entranced by them, some brown scabs as a reminder of their recent escape just a week and a half ago.

"Picking at the past won't help." Avanellie's voice came from behind her, and she looked back in surprise. Nika wasn't too far behind, laying down by Helice's feet. "If you need something to distract you, I got some pop it fidget toys or little squishes you can use."

"Thanks." She responded, watching her put down a cup off black coffee mixed with a small mix of milk that had turned the brew a beige color, and the aroma of the grounded beans wafted up to their nostrils. The silence was burdening, weighing down on them heavy, until it was so loud, it pounded on their ear drums. Helice had stopped petting Nika, and was now staring out at the streets, her mind trailing off, Avanellie's words being drowned, sounding like distant voices from the street below. She pulled her legs up onto the chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, her stomach churning, and the smell of the coffee became something like a bass slowly venturing to 100 decibels.

Avanellie put her hand on Helice's shoulder, which caused her to flinch and gaze up at her. "We will take today slow today, maybe we can go to the park, and we can sight see, it should be quiet enough where you can be sound, but not enough where your thoughts can take over."

"That sounds nice." Helice agreed, sliding out of the chair and onto her feet.

"I'll get some water, and you go upstairs to pick out whatever clothes you want to wear." She instructed, before making her way out of the balcony and back inside.

Helice hesitated, looking back over the balcony before following her inside.