Heaven and hell were words to me.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

IT WAS TOO LATE for Helen Mavis and Thomas Shelby when death came knocking. Her whole life, Nel had wanted one thing. Perhaps it sounded sad, or maybe even selfish, but growing up in a fractured home had left her longing for what she was so obviously missing; someone who loved her enough to stay when no one else did, who saw the broken bits of her and accepted them for their ugly truth.

For a brief, fleeting moment in time, Nel thought she found that with Tommy. But the world had other plans; war, bloodshed, things that no man or woman should ever have to experience in their lives. Before, they were happy. But out of fear, Tommy had made a choice, a decision that would cost him even after he did the one thing that no one had ever done before.

He came back.

Nel just didn't know the answer 'til he was on his knees and asking her.

Will you marry me? he had said, his mother's ring clutched between trembling fingertips. Don't get her wrong, part of her had desperately wanted to say yes. In that moment, she saw herself wearing that ring for the rest of her life, changing her surname to Shelby and growing old beside her desired love. She was twenty-four by then. She and Tommy had been together for five years. It made sense.

But when she went to say yes, her mouth said no, and everything crumbled. It's better this way, she had said when his face dropped. This way, when you die on me, it won't hurt so much.

See, that was the thing. Nel knew what wars did to people. She had seen it with her cold-hearted father and her just-as-stern older brother. She wasn't ready to call Tommy her husband and lay him to rest just as soon as they wed. So away Tommy went to war, a heart-broken boy, leaving the shattered pieces of it behind for Nel to fret over. Five years later, he did the impossible and returned, only he wasn't the Tommy Shelby that Nel Mavis knew and loved. He wasn't heart-broken, he was heartless. He took his things out of the home they used to share and never looked back.

Still, when everything in Nel told her to follow, to latch onto that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love and never let it go, she didn't.

It's better this way.

But that didn't mean Nel had to be happy about it.

Especially not when Tommy finds himself wrapped up in a certain Irish barmaid.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

( SEDATED )

STARRING. . .

SAMARA WEAVING
as HELEN 'NEL ' MAVIS
❝If you asked me to marry you again, I'd say yes.❞

CILLIAN MURPHY
as THOMAS ' TOMMY ' SHELBY
❝See, I don't believe you, and I don't think you believe yourself either.❞

FEATURING. . .

helen mccrory as polly gray
paul anderson as arthur shelby
joe cole as john shelby
sophie rundle as ada shelby
harry kirton as finn shelby
annabelle wallis as grace burgess

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

Disclaimer: I don't own Peaky Blinders. All rights belong to BBC Studios and their series. I only own my original character, Helen Mavis, and any plotlines you're unable to recognise.

Author's Note!

Surprise! I've finally gotten around to revamping and publishing the Tommy Shelby fic that's been collecting dust in my drafts for ages. I'm so excited to start writing for Nel, her and Tommy are gonna be such a slow-burn (especially with Grace involved) which I've never really written before so it'll be interesting to see how I go. It took me a while to commit to a faceclaim, but I think Samara really suits Nel and what I envisioned for her when I first decided to follow through with this plot.

As usual, this is dedicated to -trojanwar, sectumsirius and -blxdreina for letting me rant to them about Nel. I'm also dedicating this to VRPond for making me this stunning cover, and on such short notice too! Last but certainly not least is lovely11854 for this beautiful side-by-side <3