I finally dragged myself off the couch, I sluggishly made my way to the bathroom.
Ma'ii had followed me in and laid on the floor while I took a quick shower. Even quick ones make me feel better.

I will never tired of beingand feeling clean.

After getting dried off and dressed, I walked out to the living room to found the whole crew. They were all stuffing their faces and talking about the show. Casey must have ordered the entire menu from the local pizza place; Pizza Palace.

Of course Xander saved me a spot on the couch it was between him and Maddox. I was more than a little surprised to see Casey just about hanging off Maddox. I sat next to them. Xander handed me a plate.

"I made sure to grab you some before it was all gone." On the plate was my favorite foods from the Palace and, possibly in general.

Mozzarella sticks and a piece of cheese pizza with white sauce.

I hadn't realize I was hungry until I smelled the delicious aroma wafting up from my plate.

I enjoyed the smell for all about 2 seconds, before diving into it. It didn't last long after that.

Ma'ii was just laying on floor in the corner. The group gave her a few weird looks but no one said anything.

The silence that was over the group as they eat, was rare. Everyone was tense, none knew what to expect at the meeting.

It was starting to get awkward.

With each passing minute, it got worse. I couldn't take it anymore; I got up, I started collecting everyone's trash, and cleaning up the living room and kitchen. The pitter-pattering on the floor, told me I wasn't alone. I throw all the napkins and empty containers away.

After a few moments of searching I found tubware for the leftovers.

I had everything put away and the dishes washed, when Xander wandered into the kitchen.

I didn't even have to turn from the sink to know he was there. I could feel him looking at me too. I could feel the small smile appear on my face. The smile I now knew was only for him. I knew he was here to check on me.

That made heart do a little flip, for some reason that made me happy. I turned to face him, his inhale was clearly heard across the room.

"Are you alright?" The worry I felt was clear in my voice. He just nodded and continue to stare at me. My eyebrows furrow before I could help it.

He smiled at me. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

My heart jumped and I don't know did a round-house kick. It felt like my lungs and ribs were being tickled.

I couldn't stop myself from moving. My head snapped up and with his head being so close. I could feel his breath on my face.

If this had been anyone else I am sure I would have lost it.

I was just lost in the odd look he had on his face, I watched him close his eyes and take a small breath. Letting it out slowly, he stepped back.

Disappointment and hurt washed over me like an acid bath. Burning every nerve ending from my face to my stomach.

Leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

Followed by embarrassment and shame. Settling like salt in my open wounds.

I got mad, the hellfire coiling in response. I didn't like feeling weak, which is exactly what I felt now.

I sucked on my teeth and turned. I realized I didn't have much left to do in the kitchen.

The hellfire roared to life in my heart.

Great, now I get to be pissed off all night.

I stomped out of the room and sat on the floor in the corner where Ma'ii had previously claimed. She wouldn't care.

Xander was smart enough to go back to his spot on the couch. I kept my nails as if they were the most important thing in the room.

I felt something scruffy rub against my side. I looked down and saw Ma'ii had decided to join me. I tapped my leg and without further prompting she was in my lap snuggled up and asleep.

"This is the perfect time to poke at this new wounds. Why let them heal? He's just going to do this again. I don't understand why you would think anyone would want someone you."

I hate this bitch. She always shows up when I least want her to. I could hear the others start talking about the meeting, maybe it was the show. I really don't know nor care.

"You're broken, damaged and unclean. You haven't even told him the worse of it. There is a reason you belong in Hell. You know, I'm right."

She stated everything as if it was facts.

I couldn't argue against her.

Two reasons really stopped me;

1. She was right.
2. It's really looked down upon when you argue with yourself.

I really didn't want to go back into any form of mental health facility. I just sat there and took the abuse from myself.

No one paid any mind to me losing my mind. Not that i expecting them too.

"See they don't care about you" She leered at me.

I shook my head, refusing to believe my people didn't care.

They were just busy.

Even I knew that was a weak excuse. I could feel her banging around in my brain. Assaulting the soft gray tissue with everything she had.

Tears sprung to my eyes, not wanting the group to see me cry, I jumped up.

Trying to act like nothing was wrong I went to my bedroom down the hall. Closing the door behind me and Ma'ii, I cross the room, I approached the bed and climbed into the middle.

Laying on my side, I wrapped my arms around my legs, pulling them close to my chest. She hadn't shut up the entire time. I could feel my brain give in to the assault, tears burned my eyes until they fell down my face. Every couple ones would splash on my arms.

My fingers starting to tingle and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. My stomach turned like a tide had broken.

I knew what was coming, I just didn't care.

With a sigh I opened my eyes. Yup, there was someone sitting on the edge of my bed. I couldn't make out who is was through my blurry vision.

I really didn't care, I didn't even have the energy to wipe my eyes even if I wanted to. I didn't move from my curled up spot. I was drowning in the hateful words of my inner self. She was pulling me down further with every word, losing myself to the sea. I couldn't even begin to find my way out.

Everything was flooding me at this point.

The hellfire turned into something much worse.

Something darker.

The heartache of my family's actions, but something was much more pressing to her.

Imagines of my treatments exploded behind my eyes, my heart started to race. My blood turning to ice and freezing every vein as it passed through.

My breathing quickened.

All I see was that horrible, horrible man staring at me with an evil glint in his eyes and a twisted smile on his face. I could smell the stank of his foul breath, feel it huff and puff on my face. My body trying to protect itself pulled my legs closer to me. I could still feel his pokes and prods, his cuts and slices, the tearing and ripping of him taking pieces of me away.

Pieces I so desperately desired back. Pieces that I needed to be whole. To belong to anyone.

"This is why you can never be with him and why he will never want you. Don't forget that Theresa."

I felt like she had whispered in my ear.

I don't even know how long I endured her onslaught. It felt like I had laid there for days.

I knew that to be untrue.

I let go of myself and rolled onto my back. I could feel the broken pieces of me shift as I move. Stabbing and stinging my insides. I tried to slow my breathing and opening my eyes I stared at the ceiling. I was toying with the thoughts of just everything bleed out, maybe then it will go away.

"No, my sweet girl. That's not how it works." I about jumped out my skin and onto the floor. My papa's voice comforts and torments me at the same time.

"It's his fault, you know. He sent you to that place. " I guess she wasn't done.

I grind my teeth, trying my best to not give in to her a second time.

"Give in to me? Is that what you think just happened? " Her bitter laugh seared through my brain. I hate her.

"I love you too, pumpkin."She sweetly answered me. I didn't even bother to look or response to Papa, I did not trust myself right now. He knew and he knew what I needed most.

"I'm sorry Terry-cloth." His southern drawl was filled with sadness. I knew he left. Leaving me to face myself all alone. I was starting to turn numb, that had to be a good thing, right? I'm going with yes.

Next thing I knew my door was busting open and slammed shut.

I still didn't move. What was the point? It didn't really matter at the moment. The mattress dipped under the pressure of whoever it was sitting on it. I caught a whiff of their cologne.  A small part of me already knew it was Xander, but that confirmed it.

I let him move me so that I was laying with his arm around me and my head on his chest. I could hear his heart thumping away. He didn't soothe me like he normally did. I was too far gone for even him to save. I did my best to take solace in him.

"How do you know I wasn't sleeping?" I eventually asked. He chuckled softly, his heart picked it's pace up a little.

"I just knew." He stated as simply as that. That didn't brode well with me.

"How?" I was not letting this go.

"Your dad came and told me you weren't okay." He let that sink in for a heartbeat before pushing on.

"I'm sorry for what happened in the kitchen. I don't want you to think it's because of you, because it's not. You are wonderful and amazing. I would have to be awfully stupid to not want you." He said in a rush, almost like he didn't have the courage to say it. I could feel his arm tighten around me.

"Then why?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. I could feel She was curious too.

"I can't tell you, there's a lot you don't know yet. If I am honest, I don't want to know." I could respect that. There was a lot I didn't want him to know either.

"Can't we just be broken together, Xander?" I asked half joking. I decided to peek at his face. He had my favorite smile on his face. He was looking at me with that look again. That look was only going to lead to heartache for me, but I loved it.

"I think that would be perfect. I can be broken with you, Theresa." I could feel my face split in half. Despite the remaining wounds still bleeding I could feel happiness raising in me. I just cuddled closer, I felt him press a kiss to my forehead once again. I wasn't exactly sure what we were now but being together was enough for the moment. I was asleep moments later.

Hey, having a mental and emotional break at the hand of your split personality takes it out of you.

I don't know how long we laid there together. Me passed out, him just staring as if I was the most beautiful creature on the earth, and maybe to him I was.