Not too long after the sun came up, I became tired and decided a nap was the perfect way to spend the rest of this trip.  Feeling disheartened and truthfully more than a little scared. I stretched out on the seat using my bag as a pillow and shifted Ma'ii to get more comfortable. With my back up against the back of the seat, I pretended I was home in my own warm bed. I let the car's vibrations lull me to sleep. 

I was jostled awake, disoriented I looked around. Noting I was in the car and I wasn't on the floor. That is a good thing, I moved into an upright position. With the click of my seatbelt, I surveyed my surrounding further. We were still on the highway.  There was nothing indicating where we were. 

"Are we even close?" I croaked out, louder than I intended to, my voice heavy with sleepiness. Clearing my throat a few times I waited for Casey to answer me. It must be her turn to drive since Xander was passed out in the passenger seat.  My heart dropped and I know I lost the color in my face. Cringing, I hoped I didn't wake him up. 

He snored lightly and I let out the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. 

"Almost." She whispered back at an appropriate volume.  

My stomach rolled and began to feel sour. I knew this was my anxiety presenting itself. Dr. Maria and I had spoken about it multiple times. It will present in stomach aches, cold sweats, and a few other things. She was under the impression that my parents were just pious people who overreacted.  

I rubbed my stomach and did my best to not think about the spirits that were waiting for me.  I couldn't stop myself from wondering about the dark secrets those spirits must know. Did they suffer as I did at my own piece of hell? 

Staring at the window I wasn't really seeing what was passing us by, I was too lost in my own mind. Remembering some of my first days at Our Healing Hand and with Dr. Hayes. I vaguely recall his gentle tone as he told me that my parents had surrounded me to the state and to his care. 

"I look forward to our time working together Theresa." His rich voice was packed full of false reassurance.  His eyes scanned my body, leaving my skin crawling. Fear had seized my voice long ago. I just wanted to go home but I knew that chance was gone. I clutched my blanket to my chest and nodded at him. Tears threatened to spill over and run down my face. Dr. Hayes leaned towards me, a tissue appearing in his left hand a ring gleamed when the light hit it. 

"Don't cry, sweet child. I will fix you all up," he cooed as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. Before straightening up he brushed the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.  

"I hate to tell you this but we will be cutting your hair." His gentle tone was almost genuine but something about it nagged at me.

I found some joy at the thought that I never trusted Dr. Hayes no matter how hard he had tried in the beginning. 

Sitting in the room the foul smelling old lady put me in, trying to just sob over the horrid hair cut I was given. Running my fingers through it once more. The jagged edges made the tears flow. My once long golden blonde gone. Replaced with something that looked like my brothers tried to style it for me.  Pulling my knees to my chest and my head in my hands I let go of being tough. A sob shook through my small frame. I missed home and that didn't help me control my emotions. 

There was a swift knock on my door and then it lurched open. I moved my head so I could peek at the door. The doctor from earlier today stood in the doorway holding something in his hands. He strode into my room and kneeled in front of me. 

"Theresa, I know you are having a nice time right now. So I brought you something that I think will ease your time here." He twisted his face into what I could only assume was his attempt of a smile. He opened his hands and showed me a journal and pen. 

"You could write your family letters and keep them updated. I will mail them for you." The excitement and pure bliss that filled me was almost pathetic.

Rolling my eyes at the memory I couldn't stop myself from wishing I would know then what I did now. I was also wishing this little stroll down memory lane would stop but I knew I wasn't in control of it anymore. My old wounds were slowly pulling themselves apart again. The strain on them was winning and the rest was for me to endure. 

"You stupid child! When will you admit that your family doesn't want you?" His harsh tone was nothing new to me now. It's been a constant thing since the ring on his finger disappeared. Leaving a tan line as a reminder I'm sure.  My 15th birthday is in a few days and since I brought it up last week he has been on about my family. I just sat there and stared him in the eyes, no answer was my answer.  

He slammed his hands onto his desk causing me to jump up and back, knocking my chair to the floor. The "guard" outside poked his head in, Dr. D shook his head. 

"Fix your chair now." He barked at me. I took my time fixing my chair into the upright position. Dr. D sighed heavy, it was apparent that he was annoyed. Good, now we both were. I sat back down in front of him, matching his sneer with one of my own. 

"Are we done yet?" I asked with a bored tone. He was mean nowadays; pushing me to accept my family just abandoned me. We rarely talk about my "visitors"  after I learned to keep my mouth shut. 

"No, we're not done," he mocked in a high pitched voice. I rolled my eyes, I've grown tired of his pissy mood. His face darkened and he opened a drawer near the bottom of his desk. Rummaging around he pulled out of a stack of papers and threw them at me. I was barely able to catch them before they smacked me in the face. 

"Dick" I muttered as I flipped over the bundle that was tied with a dingy string. The gasp I involuntarily let out when I saw my childish scribblings was exactly what Dr. Hayes was looking for.  His smile got wider as my face crumbled. The realization that he never sent any of the letters I wrote my family broke me somewhere deep down. I couldn't stop the emotions as they overtook me.  I lunged at Dr. Hayes the letters scattering everywhere around me on the floor. I took some joy in the shocked expression on his face as I slide across his desk and grabbed the lapels of his coat. 

The screech he let out was priceless to me and made this all well worth what I knew was coming.  We tumbled to the floor as his chair went over backward, my fist connected with his face repeatedly. I got to watch as his face contorted into anger.  He began to fight back.....

I shook my head doing my best to rid myself of the rest of that memory.  Looking at the clock I realized I had been lost in my head for over an hour now. I was hoping we were almost to our destination. 

My oh so wonderful brain decided I needed to see one more thing. 

I was jostled awake by the grumpy new orderly, he reeked of alcohol which told me everything I needed to know about this guy. 

"Dr. Hayes wants to see you right this moment," he muttered as he dragged me out of bed. He was not gentle in the least, his grip was too tight on my upper arm as he leads me down a long hallway. It was quiet, no patients screaming no one was crying-things that could be heard almost all day long. The lights were turned down low, all of these things meant it was still night time or at least still "quiet time"  this can't be good. Shuffling my feet along as I was all but being hauled down the hallway.  We stopped at a door I had previously never been to. 

A sense of dread began to fill up my stomach. Slowly it spread throughout my body especially once drunky Mcgee knocked on the door.  My heart began to race as the door slowly creaked open. The orderly once again manhandled me into the room. 

"Just put her over there." I heard the doctor instruct the brute who had a death grip on me. He took me to an out of place, dirty cot that was in the middle of the room. Pushing down on my shoulders to make my knees buckled, I fell rather roughly onto the cot.  

"Make sure no one bothers us, Jake." Dr. Hayes said as a dismissal. Jake the drunk didn't even look back at me, even though I was boring holes into the back of his head. 

I knew something was off, I just couldn't figure out why my brain was screaming at me to run. Maybe it was the fact that Dr.Hayes wasn't wearing a shirt and his belt was undone. Maybe it was the blood-stained sheets on the cot. I wasn't given much time to decide before he approached me. 

"Happy Birthday, let me give you a "present", one you won't forget anytime soon." 

He wasn't lying when he said that. Five years later I still remember how the night changed my life forever. There are nights when I'm laying in my bed, safe and warm, I can still hear the way the cot squeaked and creaked. Or how the springs pressed into my back.  

"Theresa, we're at the hotel." Xander's voice slicing through my thoughts. I was thankful for the interruption. I didn't want to go down that beaten path. Collecting my things and Ma'ii I got out of the car. Xander helped steady me as I tripped over my own feet. 

"Thanks." I clipped my words, I was still pretty mad at him but I was starting to understand his position.  He left his hand on my back and I really couldn't object. His touch was soothing to me and my brain.  I let him lead me towards the hotel lobby door. He let Casey handle checking us in, he leads me over to the elevator and we just waited for her to join us. I could feel him shift his arm so it would rest on my shoulders and he could play with my hair. 

Casey joined us, giving each of both a key then she signaled the elevator. 

" We each have our own rooms, as James instructed. I'm going to drop my bags off and then go meet the others so I can help set up everything. Xander, you are to stay with Theresa and make sure she doesn't find anything out about where we are going. James will text you when it's time to go." She spoke factual and give us no room for rebuttals. The bell dinged and we boarded the elevator. She pressed the second-floor button and we sat in silence. 

I looked at my key and saw that it was for room 213. Thirteen was my favorite number so I looked at that as a good sign. I let Casey go out first once the doors opened, I knew Xander would follow me to my room, I didn't really mind. I tried to be angry still but I honestly didn't have it in me right now.  Someone else was occupying my angry right now. 

I jammed the keycard into the door and swiftly pulled it free, the little light went green and I turned the knob. The room was pretty enough, my guess is James didn't stay in budget hotels. I let Ma'ii go and she immediately made herself comfy on the bed. She was such a good girl, despite her being a "wild animal". My emotions started to get the better of me once again, so  I dumped my bag and made a b-line for the bathroom. 

I needed space. 

I turned to shut the door when Xander put his hand up to block my efforts. 

"I need you to talk to me, I have things I feel I should explain." His voice was full of an emotion I couldn't register. Worry lines appeared on his face and he waited for me to respond. He offered me his hand.

"Look I know you are still mad at me and you have every right but you have to understand I was sworn to secrecy." His eyes held mine in an intense stare off. 

"I made an oath to protect you, now please let me." He pleaded with me. I knew I couldn't just let him win, my brain was split into two and I was losing the reins right now. How could I possibly have a rational conversation right now?  That's right I can't. 

I brushed his hand out of my space and opened the door wide, so he would get the hint and backed up. He did, and I pushed past him. 

"I'm just tired of everyone keeping me in the dark about my own life," I took my shoes off and got settled in the chair across the room from him. 

"As if leaving me in that place wasn't bad enough, my dad had to go and have the two people I care about to pretend to be my friends, pretend to like me. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel?" Angry tears started to burn in my eyes. I just wanted to be done with this investigation. 

"This is my last investigation with you guys, I have other things to worry about then some tv show." I was trying to hurt him as he'd hurt me.  Or maybe I was directing some misplaced angry at him, that didn't matter much to me at the moment. 

"Theres-." He began, sounding truly upset with me.

"No, I don't want to hear it." I interrupted him, I didn' care for his side of the story at the moment. 

"It's done, whatever we had may have been fake to you but to me, I know I felt something real. But we will never know." He gave me a curt nod and looked at me expectingly. 

"What?" I asked, clipping the t short. I was well aware of how nasty my attitude was. 

"Are you going to let me speak now? Is it my turn?" He dished back exactly what I had been giving him. If I wasn't so upset I would be impressed. 

"Sure, go ahead and waste your breath," I leaned back in my seat and made a show of listening to him. He rolled his eyes, and then his shoulders preparing himself for battle. 

"You think my feelings were fake, just pretend? I seem like that type of person? I mean sure, I am a part of a secret cult but I'm not a bad guy." His tone was almost pleading with me to listen to him. 

" I was recruited after Casey picked you up that's one of the reasons I was so mad the day we met. I had just been terrorized by your dead dad for three days." I couldn't stop myself from chuckling at the thought of my dad bombarding Xander in all kinds of ghostly manners. Xander moved so he was standing in front of me, he placed his hands on the armrests and leaned forward so he was hovering over me.

"But I swear by the old gods that I do actually care about you." He said sincerely, his eyes held mine once again, I could tell he was telling the truth. I wanted to scream at him but instead, I just whispered. 

"You shouldn't, I'll only hurt you and we both know it." I couldn't stop myself from saying it, I regretted it the moment I said it but it was true. I'm either going to push him away or I'm going to die a the hand of Sigyn. 

"It's worth it," He pressed his lips to mine. My eyes stayed wide open and I saw his eyes were open too. I felt my brain short itself out. My heart started pumping real fast. My anger dissolved for just a second. I felt....was that happiness? Was that love? He pulled back his face filling up with worry once again. 

"Oh, god did I cross a line?" He stammered out as he waved a hand in front of my frozen face. 

My broken brain did it's best to reboot. I just blinked and stared dumbly at Xander. 

Great, he broke us.

A smile spread wide on my face, as I grabbed a hold of Xander. I closed my eyes and leaned forward -hoping I was conveying the right signal- I tilted my head slightly upwards, towards him. That was all he needed, his soft lips pressed to mine again. That happiness feeling welled up in once again this time accompanied by a warm sensation that started where his lips were and spread throughout my body. 

It wasn't long before things grew hot and heavy. I had to stop us, I couldn't let it get too far. We did have a job to do and I still had some things to say and that's exactly what I said when I pulled myself off his lap. 

"I guess you're right, plus the floor isn't the place for this kind of thing." His tone was lighthearted and he wiggled his eyebrows at me. He stood up and offered me his hand, I took it this time.  He checked his phone, just in case we were too distracted to hear it ring. I went and moved Ma'ii off the bed and onto the chair. I return to the bed and plopped down on it. Enjoying the soft pillows and equally soft mattress. Xander joined me and I didn't even think twice about cuddling right up to him. My head on his chest, leg thrown over his, his fingers in my hair. 

This was how I told him everything, and I do mean every detail of my time at Our Healing Hand. He gasped, cursed, squeezed me tight, gave me reassurance and every other right thing I needed from him.  

I felt amazing, I never spoke out loud some of these things. To not have these things eating me alive was nice and new. I felt pumped up, and ready for our investigation. 

His phone chirped in his pocket, he didn't have to check it for us both to know.

It was time to go.