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5 centimetres per second
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Author :: Eulissah

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First Impression :: 6/20

» Title :: 2/5

Your story was inspired by the movie "5 centimetres per second". The title itself is pretty alluring, but despite getting inspired from a real film, you didn't have to copy it exactly. There's no originality, you picked it right off from Makoto Shinkai's film. You didn't have to be "inspired" by the title as well. However, I took into consideration that you were giving credit to the original creator, thus I pushed it aside.

» Cover :: 2/10

I'm not impressed. The contrast is visible, Yoongi looks like a floating ghost without a body and the blending isn’t doing its job. Jimin has a black border around himself for some unknown reason. And the fonts aren’t suitable. The subtitles are out of place, and seem to be pasted across the cover without checking whether or not it goes with the aesthetic. The huge white empty space. What's the purpose of it? Can't say you're leaving room for the title. There's a huge space right there for no reason. I say visit a graphic shop, one of which is owned by a professional. Spice it up.

» Blurb :: 2/5

The sentences are understandable. That's just about it. There are no other segments I can compliment. The aim to introduce the despair without going too deep into the storyline failed. The description showed the right amount of content, The writing style ruined it for me. It's comprehensible, not commendable.

"The speed of drifting away from a petal from its cherry blossom is 5 centimetres per second."
"But so is mine and yours…"

What in the world does "mine and yours" represent? Their petals? Do petals grow out of their bodies? Tell me exactly what you are aiming for. And the first sentence is grammatically wrong in so many ways. I understood the meaning but sentence build is completely out of context. The only advice I can provide is to touch up on that grammar and improve on your writing style. I’ll include more on that later.

Beginning of a new start :: 2/10

The chapters were short, so I flipped through the book really quickly. Short chapters avoid boredom, IF executed in the proper manner. Your story somehow, offers otherwise. Some sentences were meaningless, and the story keeps dragging. Some chapters that could’ve been combined into one --say, the first two chapters-- were separated for no reason. Despite having to read very few words, scrolling to the next page felt like a burden. Do not separate chapters that are clearly connected.

Concept and plot :: 2/25

The plot isn't bad, it's a sweet romance with a dash of emotional touches towards the end. The problem is the fact that the story was an exact copy of the real thing. Getting inspired means recreating a whole new story with certain elements similar to the original content. Originality is important when it comes to plot building. Instead, this book is just the movie in written form. The execution is poor. It’s Jimin remembering his past with Yoongi and the story goes along from there. The redundancy of certain parts is very boring. Certain scenes are deemed irrelevant and don't contribute to the story. Recreate this plot, change up a few things, spice it up with creativity from your own head.

There shouldn't be a need to have an explanation chapter. Explanation is needed when the story is of the mystery genre and the code is cracked towards the very end or the spectacular reveal of the true villain. I see no villain, but a story about a boy trying to move on from the past. Your plot isn't mystery based at all, so remove it. If the said chapter's removed and the story isn't understandable, know that there certainly are plot holes that caused the confusion.

Characters and emotions :: 2/15

It’s a ‘telling’ story.  A story where you tell what the characters did, are doing and are going to do. Nothing about their personality. Nothing about why the two leads fell for each other. The story was summarized into simple sentences with no sense of emotions being pressed into the minds of the characters. It’s like a first grader’s essay. “We used to attend school together. His class was right next to mine. I’m so in love with him.” Writing it in first person POV is bound to be hard, especially when the story is told in a form of flashback + letter. I suggest leaving Yoongi’s letter as it is, and have the flashback in third person POV. It’ll be easier to describe them and the ending would hit much harder if I knew who the characters are as a person and not merely moving characters of a book.

Tone and style :: 1/10

Can’t give any points on the writing style since there isn’t any. You used very basic words. Simplicity is adored but not for a plot that leans towards emotions. Stories with incredibly short chapters are meant to slowly build up steam and anticipation. The only way you can pull it off is through decent writing and a wide range of vocabulary. Even the slightest grammar error can completely ruin the mood and the story’s tone. Pushing aside all the errors I found, you didn’t deliver the smoothness I had wished for. Work on the delivery and creative writing.

And I’ll have to include,

Don’t write.
Like this.

It can’t be considered a writing style.

Grammar :: 3/20

Your “style” of writing is as said above. You separated the sentences unnecessarily. Then there's the unnecessary bolding and usage of italics. Even if you're trying to help readers differentiate between the letter and Jimin's flashbacks, this is grammatically wrong! Underlines, bold, and italics each have their own purpose. Leave the letter in its pure untouched form. You can have Jimin's part in italic but don't touch the rest of the options. This completely removes any sense of actual grammar and only aims for neatness and aesthetics. Look through your work. There are plenty of other errors in there. Wrong usage of words, incorrect spellings, punctuation usage, arrangement of the sentences. One of the chapters had centimeters spelt as centemers. Grammarly is an option,  but consider visiting editing shops, please.

Extra Note :: Work on learning basic grammar. Build up on your writing skills and expand your imagination. Perhaps look through some high quality books with proper grammar and an indulging plot. Get inspired from true authors. We all start somewhere. Take those small steps and build your author skills, do it with dedication.

Total :: 16/100