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Call
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Author :: jikook889

Reviewer :: btsluvvesper

First Impression :: 9.5/20

The first impression is everything that allures someone towards you and your works. I wouldn’t say it was one of the best, but still, it was nice. Let’s take a look at why it wasn’t the best.

» Cover :: 4.5/10

Undoubtedly, the cover was quite attractive and well-designed. However, it failed to connect with the storyline. It was not portraying the overall sad and depressing vibe. Rather it was showing a dark-themed, science-fiction topic. 

The cover should be enchanting and should also hold the relevancy of the story theme, which your cover certainly failed to do. Apart from that, I feel that your author's name and the subtitles under it weren't very visible. I had to squint my eyes to see it properly. 

Overall, I would suggest that you put a cover that is more relevant to the plot. A dark-themed cover isn’t always needed for such depression and anxiety-related stories. Try to create a cover with the proper context on your story and you are all good for the cover. 

» Title :: 3/5

The title is the identity of the story and it suggests what the story will mainly focus on and/or what it will be about. 

I am not going to lie, but yes, the title was quite connected with the plot, as all the things started and ended with the "call". It was to the point of the main subject. In that way, it was a good job.

But, I, clearly, wasn't allured to read the book seeing the title. That's because it was too common and usual to have such a name for the title. You can have many books/stories with the similar or exact same title if you search up for it  Thus, in the case of creativity and uniqueness, you lacked a bit. 

Therefore, come up with something more interesting and hooking for the title yet keep it relevant. And you are good to go. 

» Blurb :: 2/5

The blurb is the start of your story and the end of the first impression. By reading a blurb, we can get what will happen in the story, why it can happen, what types of characters might be there. There should be a conflict or suspense, suggesting how the story will unfold based on that suspense. It should be related to the plot. 

In your blurb, you included almost everything about the story. The suspense was barely considered. As you have already mentioned who Yoongi was and what his job might be; why Jimin called Yoongi, etc. It kind of was predictable to guess what could happen. Thus, a little suspense without directly revealing the speakers and without giving every detail, it would have been more interesting. 

Also, you have a few punctuation errors after ending dialogues and in between sentences. For example, the very first line came out wrong due to the absence of punctuation : 

"This is Call Centre Min Yoongi speaking." 

Here it suggests as if "Call center" and "Min Yoongi speaking" are not different things rather "Min Yoongi is the call center who is speaking." Also, there was no need to capitalize the "call center" as you are using it as common nouns and it's not the name of something so, an article was needed. The modified version can be :

"This is a/the call center (.) / (,) Yoongi speaking." 

Or even better, if it was "This is / I am Min Yoongi speaking."

Summing up, if you do the needed changes mentioned, it will be a nice blurb to start with.

Beginning of a new start :: 5/10

The beginning, I wouldn't say was the best because firstly, you had the same thing as your prologue and the blurb, which was irritating to read the same thing twice, back to back. 

Also, a few things were assumable and the chapters were kind of short to give a proper understanding, but overall it was okay. Just try to keep the prologue intriguing and write longer chapters. That's all needed, as it is a one-shot.

Concept and plot :: 11/25

Though you took a very deep and meaningful concept, there were failings in many places. The execution was just okay, not anything great. Yes, depression, anxiety, and other related topics were mentioned. But I feel it wasn't explained or portrayed that well. 

Also, the "call center" thing came out wrong in some aspects. That's because we don't ask for help from a call center but from an emergency helpline/emergency call center. Thus, using only "call center" was kind of incorrect. 

Overall, a little more good displaying of the topic and putting them in a much-organized way will lead you to more success. 

Characters and emotions :: 8/15

The characters are what make a plot complete. Unquestionably, the characters were well-fitted throughout the story. Their very little details were mentioned too. However, I felt that Jimin's character could improve more considering the fact how well portrayed Yoongi's character was. Not much, but just a few touch-ups are needed. And you are good to go.

Talking of emotions, they were explained well. Thus, good work with that. But in many places, I failed to feel the emotions or connect myself with the characters through emotions. That's because of your writing style. It was monotonous in such places, that even if you wanted, you couldn't express them well. Thus, work on that a little more. 

Tone and style :: 5/10

Your writing style is quite descriptive, I must say, which is a plus point. Though it was very descriptive, it was off in many places. As mentioned earlier, it was monotonous and felt emotionless. Also, some sentences were either too long or too short at places, which was quite disturbing at times. Maintain a certain flow within the sentences and paragraphs. Repetition and run-on sentences were seen too. Try to go for precise writing and avoid repeating the same. 

Then comes the frequent use of italics and bold. It was too irritating, to be honest. Yes, you mentioned them at the start. But still, always keeping that in mind was confusing. Instead of using different ways for each thing, you could have used narration. 

For example, instead of showing Jimin/Yoongi's thoughts in italics without mentioning them, you could have used narration. Also, a well-written story doesn't need/have different styles (bold, italics, underlined, etc.) to show these things. They are mainly done through narration to justify whose part is which and who is doing what. Also, the centered alignment. It's inappropriate to see centered alignment without any valid reasons. Yes, for the thoughts, yet again, it is not correct in this case. Thus, avoid using such things in the future.

You even had the absence of tags (verbal and action), which made it confusing as to who is speaking the dialogue or doing the action.

Apart from that, what style did you actually use while using dialogue punctuations? It seemed quite nonsense and messed up. I will be explaining that in the grammar point. For that issue, the only thing I can suggest is to avoid doing so, and you surely will do much better than now.

Grammar :: 9/20

I won't say much and directly go for the thing. Your grammar isn't that bad but not that good either. Here is why : 

Your punctuations are quite messed up, especially for the long and complex sentences. Things where we can use semicolons (;) or periods (.), you went for commas (,) most of the time. 

Tag (verbal and action) punctuation rules were wrong and kind of messed up almost everywhere. You used punctuation both before and after the quotation marks, which is absolutely wrong. Extract :

"Why are you even bothered?", the caller groaned. [Incorrect]

"Why are you even bothered?" The caller groaned. [Correct]

Also in many places, you used lowercase after the dialogue, even if it ended with a period (.) or needed punctuation marks (?/!). 

Then you have used the wrong demonstrative adjectives and/or pronouns (this/that/those/these, etc) while mentioning someone. Therefore, fix it up soon. 

If you correct the above-mentioned things, you will indeed do great. And polishing up the tense and sentence forming can always make things better. 

Extra note :: You are already going well. Just fix up the said things, and you can be a good writer too. I hope you take this review positively and improve accordingly. Good luck with your writing. Thank you. 

Total :: 47.5/100