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Circus Of Longing
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Author :: daydreamingatnight19

Reviewer :: sprite_and_hamburger

First impression :: 5/20

The very first impression of the book is the title, cover, and blurb If the author doesn't give a good impression then they might lose their readers because as much as people like to say don't judge a book by its cover but that's what we all do. A great title and cover design are incredibly important at hooking a potential reader’s interest.

Cover :: 1/10

At first glance, the cover can be considered as good but when you look at it you will realize how many flows the cover has. First of all your cover isn't matching with the theme of your story. The story is related to fantasy however the cover is giving an impression of a Romantic/angst novel. Covers usually don't need a face claim but the theme should be related to the plot. I suggest you to to add some different aesthetics which give the fantasy look to your cover that the plot contains. Aside from the theme the font choice of the title isn't that great and the placement is also uneven or maybe you placed it like that.

Title :: 3/5

Trust me when I say your title is amazing and this is what leads me to read the book, it has the attraction which is important for a title. The title is unique and different but that's not all we need for a title. As much as we suggest giving a unique title we also focus on relevance to the plot. Before you say the story is about that circus I would like to inform you that what is stopping me from giving full marking, as your title says "The Circus Of Longing" your plot should be around your title but the story is more about your female lead Park Da Som. You added a scene where Kim Bong informed Da Som that she is in Circus Of Longing and that's that nothing more, if it wasn't your title I might have overlooked that scene and won't even remember what was the name of the place. Your title can be considered good if you add more scenes or information about the circus and describe why the place is called the circus of longing. Your execution isn't giving justice to your title, the title is good not gonna lie but the way you are executing your story is making your title irrelevant.

Blurb (1/5)

Once a reader sees a book cover and thinks the book title is intriguing, what’s next? What helps them decide if they want to read the book? They might click on the book read the blurb. Blurbs are a key part of books: they are supposed to entice readers to read the book. They’re a read pitch that should sound interesting and should represent what’s in the book without giving too much away. If a blurb makes a reader want to read more, it’s successful; if a blurb bores or overwhelms the reader, it needs to be rewritten. The blurb you put on the cover giving an idea that Park Da Som is a university student who has a crush on another student but when you read the book you realized these lines have nothing to do with the original story. You did state these lines in the first chapter but nothing more, there was nothing that can portray these lines in the story so why adding something in the blurb when it is not that important as other things? It would be good if you remove that part and include Kim Bong completing Da Som's wish and taking her with him because that part is more important to your story rather than what or who Da Som is.

Beginning of a new start (5/10)

The first few chapters lay out the basic plotline for the main story it gives hype to readers and makes them read more. The story starts by introducing the cast which is very much plain and boring. No ones gonna read it because you just added a name and a pic of the character so it was more like skipping content rather than important. You should add a particular dialogue or something which can give an insight into their character and give readers a hint to understand what type of character they are. The story starts with Park Da Som traveling to Seoul via bus and suddenly the bus stopped working, the driver told the passenger to go out and stretch a bit because the repair will take more than 2 hours. Park Da Som left the bus and saw a well and unconsciously wished to not go back to university which comes true, that's all. I summarize your first chapter in 2-3 lines because that's all you wrote in your chapter.

The First 2-3 chapters left a very good impression on me because I found the plot very intriguing but the problem is you are writing too little, I am not saying you should add more words because that's not what describing means. You have to add more scenes and add more emotions to the plot so people can feel what you are trying to portray through your words.

Concept & plot (15/25)

Honestly, the plot is very good and has the potential to shine. The story is running around Da Som who somehow end up in a circus where Kim Bong is kind of a leader who is trying to catch/find Sung Jong, the gumiho. Later I found that Kim Bong is actually Kim Eon Jeok when he was alive. Apparently, Sung Jong was an evil spirit so it's on Kim Bong to catch her and for that, he needs help from Da Som who is Sung Jong's last female descendent. In the middle I really felt like this story is a mix up of 'Gumiho' and 'Hotel del luna' kdrama maybe you got the inspiration from those dramas.

As much as I love the idea of this plot the pace and the lack of details had ruined the fun for me. I am good with words and you surely know how to write but you aren't giving justice to your scenes. You are jumping on the scenes a lot, the previous scene hasn't finished properly and you started the next scene which seems like a bullet train ride. There are a lot of scenes/events till the last chapter in the book but not a single is described enough.

Let's talk about the first scene in the book where Da Som was traveling from her hometown to Seoul. The starting was interesting and I can imagine the surrounding through your words which is a very good thing but when the driver said the bus needs repairing things ran so fast, she was on the bus and next she has already reached the well, she wished, and she reached the circus. These scenes can be described more on how she found the well and what she thought when she first saw the well but you directly end that in a paragraph. The transition of the scenes isn't perfect, due to your jumping it feels like scenes are coming and going without any break so I suggest you tone down your speed.

In the middle, there was a scene where 'he' attacked Da Som, at first I thought you are referring to Kim Bong as 'he' but it turns out to be a devil who apparently was killed by Da Som because he was her sister's abusive husband. The whole event is quite confusing because at first I didn't understand who you are talking about and then you narrated that he burnt Da Som's sister so she killed him, there was no explanation of what he did and how Da Som killed him. You need to give an explanation about those events and please don't just let them without any information because it will make your readers confused. I also don't understand why did you added that android twist in the book, Kim Bong was suddenly an android which made no sense at all.

Characters & emotions (3/15)

I hardly felt anything about the story. There was nothing to relate to. Emotions don't mean angst, you can just describe the characters and make them feel real. All the characters in the book felt fake not one bit realistic. Realistic doesn't mean you can't write about fantasy characters but you have to make the emotions more realistic. Da Som witnessed magic and was brought to a circus full of ghosts and she didn't even freak out. She didn't scream nor she ran away when she saw those unrealistic creatures, a normal human does freak out if they witnessed that.

She didn't question anything when Tae Ri was talking with her and then Kim Bong started choking Tae Ri, I would have felt scared of Kim Bong if something happened in front of me but Da Som hardly showed any emotions and then Kim Bong and Da Som kissed out of nowhere because it was Da Som's dream to kiss under cherry blossom? The kiss was so unnecessary in that event, to be honest.

Kim Eon Jeok met Sung Jong who told him that her parents want to sold her and Kim Eon Jeok started spending time with her since then he didn't ask where her parents went and why she is spending time with him. Chang Sung came from thin air and started cornering Sung Jong because he thought she was the gumiho who is killing villagers but Kim Bong didn't ask what Sung Jong and Chang Sung arguing about or how they know each other. To be honest, I didn't feel anything throughout the story, you are a good writer and you can do better with your words. I suggest you to read more novels and books to know how to give emotions to your words.

Tip: Try to make scenarios in your imagination and put yourself in the scenes. Think about how will you behave or react to something like this will happen to you. The more you try to make it real the more your story will become good. It can be a very good plot if you execute it accordingly.

Tone & style (7/10)

Writing Style- the most crucial part of a book’s execution, hm? I think you did it fairly well. There were no major errors in punctuations except for some missing commas here & there. Your tenses were all good and your vocabulary isn't so bad either.

It's just that your descriptive writing that needs more attention. It’s not that you don’t know how to do it, it’s that you don’t know when to add it. The dialogues were taken a bit too fast since there were no descriptions of emotions of relevant lines when the speaker says them. Other than that, there’s nothing else wrong with the style.

You know about how to write and how to give life to words which is a plus point for you but you are lacking in details. The length of the paragraphs and vocabulary of the book is fine for the plot. Each speaker has a new paragraph for them which is a good thing but you are lacking in putting emotions through your words. Try to give emotions to your words and please describe a scene if it's important for the plot. You have the potential to write and I am very much impressed by your writing but you have room for improvement. The story can be marvelous if you change one or two things in your book. 

Grammar :: 16/20

I have to say this you aren't that bad with grammar, you know the basics rules about grammar and punctuation marks. You put the correct punctuation when it comes to punctuating the dialogues and also there aren't any major mistakes in the book, this is all for the first 2-3 chapters. After the first 2-3 chapters the grammar went down the hill. I won't say it was bad but it wasn't good either. There are minor typos and missing articles but what stands out the most was the space problem regarding quotation marks. Sometimes you had put space before double quotation mark (") starting or forget to put space after the quotation mark.

There are places where you unnecessarily capitalize the words. When a dialogue is contentious you shouldn't capitalize the first word. Example from the book:-

"Actually, I am eleven inches taller than you," he whispered, somehow his oakmoss cologne was smelling like cedar now, "And what on earth made you think I was going to kiss you?" [Incorrect]

"Actually, I am eleven inches taller than you," he whispered, somehow his oakmoss cologne was smelling like cedar now, "and what on earth made you think I was going to kiss you?" [Correct]

Tip: Proofread the chapter before uploading. It will help you decrease the mistakes. You can use any grammar app to check your grammar mistakes but please don't depend on it. Write your chapter and then check it with the app. Grammarly and virtual tutor is the best option for it. You can use Google docs for this as well. You can hire an editor as well, there are many editing shops available on Wattpad.

TOTAL :: 51/100