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Eternity

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Author :: Suga_Mochi_ARMY

Reviewer :: Author_Jenny

First Impression :: 10/20

» Cover :: 5.5/10
Starting with the cover, it is definitely aesthetically pleasing. The filter used righteously adds an emphasis on the just mentioned outlook. The picture used leaves the typical angst aura which matches well with the theme you are going for. The text is clear and neatly placed in a way that it's not covering the picture used. Yet, I feel like the cover lacks creativity in a few ways. The font used seems too monotonous and regular, the subtitles could have been smaller.

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- You can always order a cover from a graphic shop, I think that would be a better alternative. Not everyone is expertised in every sector, so it's okay if you get your cover done by a professional. Another suggestion, try to use a picture that has both Jin and Namjoon in it. I feel like that would portray the story more expressively. Both of the characters are equally important, like two sides of a coin. Thus, both of them should be shown likewise, using just Seokjin in the cover is also what makes it look incomplete. This is just a mere suggestion, it completely depends on you if you want to have your cover that way or not. ]

» Title :: 2/5
Now, I am pretty sure that you yourself are aware of the fact that "Eternity" is indeed not a unique title. The innovativeness and efforts that you put into, perfecting even minor details is what attracts people. Like the readers would look at your work and sense how much effort you have put into it in order to make it what it is now. Repetition of the same title over and over again would just do the complete opposite of what I just said. Although I understand the way it is linked to the blurb but the link is not very strong, it lacks proper connectivity with the story. There are many more important topics that could be used as a linkage to the topic. I hope you are able to understand my point. 

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- You consider other aspects of your own blurb. Eg :: "Healing", it plays a major role in the story as also mentioned in your blurb. You can even look up 'aesthetic words' on the internet and find a word that matches the theme of your story. Or if you really just want to stick to the idea of 'Eternity', you can go for its synonyms that are uncommon and not generally used. ]

» Blurb :: 2.5/5
Starting with the very first sentence. "Eternity"  is mostly used as a singular noun, even in plural sense it still stays eternity. But in some specified cases and contexts, it also becomes eternities. And since you are using the word 'some' it should be followed by 'eternities'. I really appreciate the fact that you are trying to open your blurb with a philosophical sentence. Yet, there is something about this sentence that isn't sitting right with me. Eternity is something that is 'timeless' or is not confined to a particular time period. So it sounds more obvious that it would not be bound to only one life. Thus, the purpose of the sentence is not very clear but it could be so that I am interpreting it wrongly. Maybe you are trying to personify something here, but whatever it is, it's not very clear.

The last paragraph has some grammatical defaults, instead of explaining each one of them I will just write the correct form of the same :: Will they be able to heal each other's wounds that the past had left upon them or does fate have its own plans?

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :: Try to be creative with your writing, don't just stick to regular words and sentence constructions. The blurb gives readers an idea of the writing they are going to face in the book. So you need to make sure that it makes sense and is error free as it also works as a first impression. ]

Beginning of a new start :: 6/10

Talking about the introduction chapter, there were some punctuation mistakes that I observed. There are some places that you have missed periods, I didn't understand the purpose of "--" after 'University student'. It should have been a comma instead. There are some improper spacings after words, especially after punctuation marks. Eg :: "....and photography,  likes to stay...". I wouldn't have pointed it out if it was just once, because I understand that mistakes like this happens, but it is repeated in several places. There should be a period after Sunshine Café that you skipped and went to the next line which also lacks a full stop.

Some common mistakes that I found in the proceeding three chapters where again mostly all punctuational defaults. There was one place where "lovers" was written as "lover's", probably the first chapter. Lovers and lover's are two completely different things so I suggest you not to make mistakes like this. There are other writing errors that I would talk about in further categories. As far as starting the story is concerned, I think you did a pretty good job with it. The characters also seemed to be involved in actions that portrayed their personality well.

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- Talking about the introduction chapter again, when you talk about inspiration or write about actual people not characters, I would suggest you to stick with the actual names and not mess it up just so that you could make a side ship work. I hope you know what I am talking about. It's quite unprofessional if you think that way, again this is just a suggestion. Try to proofread your work before you post it, you might catch on the mistakes that you are making, especially the random capitalisations and irregular spacings. ]

Concept & plot :: 16/25

The plot is not very unique to be honest, past lovers separated and they come across each other again, something that we have heard about a lot, but one thing that I find unique is the theme that you have given to the story. The relation and connection that you have portrayed between someone who is a Selenophile and someone who has Noctiphobia. Two contrasting characters clashing is really impressive and I fully appreciate the idea. The story pace seemed normal to me, it was neither rushed nor too slow. As far as I realised the genre was angst with romance and the writing definitely suited the theme and I have no complaints against it.

Moving on to the details of writing, the first thing that I want to mention is do not use pictures to explain actions or clothing or reactions. The ones you have used in the introduction chapter are completely fine. But do not use pictures in between the chapters, a story is about how you write which includes how you describe the character's emotions, their actions, their reactions, their clothing, the environment surrounding them, even a place or a scene. The using of images to describe these above mentioned instead completely contradicts the purpose of writing a story. You might have read other books and novels in general and must have observed that they do not contain pictures in between.

It expresses the writer's creativity and their ability to describe a particular object or a scene and it also empowers the readers imagination to why they are reading this story. If pictures for actions and reactions are kept as a reference, in some way the reader's imagination is being confined within that picture, which if you think, is not quite right. Another thing that I have noticed is words like pleaseee, hyunggg, etc.  I suggest you avoid that since it's not very formal. If you want to express the emotion of the character behind the dialogue, you can use dialogue tags for that, but don't try to influence the spelling for the same.

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- As I've said, try using your writing skills to describe things and try to get a little more creative with your writing. Avoid influencing the spellings, I suggest you to thoroughly edit your book and remove these minor mistakes that are having a major effect on the outlook of your book as a whole. ]

Characters & emotions :: 13/15

Honestly saying I am very impressed by the way you describe the emotions of the characters and how you try to connect the emotions with the environment that surrounds them. It greatly beautifies your writing and also helps the reader to understand and relate to the characters, not only mentally, but also emotionally. As I've said already, the way you describe the actions of a character clearly portrays their characteristic traits and gives us the idea of the personality that character possesses. The reason that I have cut marks is because there are places where I feel the actions of the characters were not justified properly and they felt a bit rushed.

The characters are properly connected in the story. There are also side characters that I feel are not very neglected as in some stories I have observed that the side characters are usually neglected or there are some stories where the side characters are given much importance. But in the story I felt like the side characters move along with the main characters; they were neither completely neglected nor given over importance.

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- Always remember that putting dialogue and action tags after you enter dialogue helps in better explanation of the emotion that the character is going through. This was one thing that I felt was missing in your writing and I felt the need to point that out so that you don't make the mistake again. ]

Tone & style :: 5.5/10

As I have mentioned several times now, you explain and describe the emotions and actions of the characters in a very preferable way and they even look professional. Yet, I don't understand why you take the help of pictures to describe the actions. You need to understand that you are a fair writer and you have the potential to explain things not just plainly but rather in a way that makes it look deep and impressive. There were changes in the POVs of the character that made it easy to understand their emotions which was something that I liked. But you need to use dialogue tags as said earlier, do not just leave dialogues blank.

There are places where I noticed that you use numericals in between your writing. I suggest you avoid doing that, whenever we are writing, especially in literature people usually do not use numericals in between, but rather it's the word of the number that is used. This might be a minor mistake but it affects the professionalism of your writing.

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- Just as your dialogue ends, express the motive behind the dialogue or the tone it was said in, to whom it was said and by whom it was said. These things help in the understanding of the situation better. If you want to write "4", don't write it as "4", write "four", "sixty", "eighty five" and likewise. ]

Grammar :: 5/20

I think by now you yourself have understood that grammar is the aspect of your writing that you need to improve a lot. Specially the punctuation you really lack the knowledge on basic placement of a punctuation. As I have mentioned already, there are places where proper punctuation is not placed or the needed punctuation mark is lacking, or a wrong punctuation mark is used. There are random capitalisation and irregular spacings.

Some places that you need to look out for is that, you don't need to put a space in between the word and the punctuation mark that follows it. If you are simultaneously writing dialogues without tags in between you need to put a comma. Do not continue one dialogue just after another with a mere spacing. You also need to work on your grammar. There were sentences that were superfluous; i.e, in one sentence you have used two words of similar meaning that were not required. Eg :: "crazy manic", both of the words have the same meaning so it's okay to put any one of them.

[ ˗ˏ✎ Reviewer's Tip :- these were just few of many grammatical and punctuation all mistakes that your book had. You need to improve yourself in this sector of your writing a lot, that and you need to first go through the basics of punctuation properly and thoroughly. It seems like your basics are not clear. Thus, I can't just label it as a random mistake because it is occurring again and again. Get your concepts clear and then edit your book. ]

An extra note :: My review is certainly not to discourage you but to let you know about your mistakes. Don't go for the marks, this is not an award show. But understand the potential that you have to do way better than you already are. You are really good at writing, you just need to improve your grammar and punctuation and then it would be even better. If you have any doubts you can always DM me, I would be there to help. Best of luck for your future writing! I would love to see you grow into a better writer.

Total :: 55.5/100