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My King
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Author :: Kjjafeeluv_Bts

Reviewer :: sprite_and_hamburger

First impression :: 3.5/20

The very first impression of the book is the title, cover, and blurb If the author doesn't give a good impression then they might lose their readers because as much as people like to say don't judge a book by its cover but that's what we all do. A great title and cover design are incredibly important at hooking a potential reader’s interest.

cover :: 2/10
At first glance, the cover can be considered as good but when you look at it you will realize how many flows the cover has. Yoongi is looking like a ghost on the cover because his skin was way too bright in comparison to other elements of the cover. The blending of the characters was very poor, the manipulation was poorly done. The subtitle you added isn't readable and the font color you added for the username was totally out of space. It feels like you used PicsArt automatic cutter for cutting the characters and past them on your background with the font. The cutting can be easily seen. The pics you used for Yoongi and Tae can be replaced with a better one. The cover has space for improvement, it can be good if you blend the pics well.

title :: 1/5
The title and the plot are two different things. There was no relevancy between them. I was waiting for the moment where I could feel the touch of the title but it never comes. A title should be related to the plot but your book isn't following this rule. Giving the title "my king" won't make you suddenly about the king but there was nothing I can say this is why you gave that title. It’s important to make sure that you are choosing an original title that hasn’t already been used by an existing book. It feels like you just named your book "my king" because it's a well-known title. Readers will flock to your book because you’ve taken the time to craft the perfect title. Most readers decide whether or not to pick up a book by title alone. Give a glimpse of what the reader can expect from your book. An insightful title is almost like a philosophical question. Remember to treat your title as a priority. Your title is the reader’s first impression of your writing. It should never be an afterthought.

Blurb :: 0.5/5
Once a reader sees a book cover design and thinks the book title is intriguing, what’s next? What helps them decide if they want to read the book? They might click on the book read the blurb. Blurbs are a key part of books: they are supposed to entice readers to read the book. They’re a read pitch that should sound interesting and should represent what’s in the book without giving too much away. If a blurb makes a reader want to read more, it’s successful; if a blurb bores or overwhelms the reader, it needs to be rewritten. The blurb you have put on the book is nothing like that it's not inviting nor interesting. There wasn't much to read so I hardly get the idea of the plot. Aside from this, your blurb has grammar mistakes which aren't good because that's what people going to notice when they first click on the book. Ellipsis never contains more than 3 dots so you shouldn't be putting many dots on your sentences.

Beginning of a new start :: 2/10

The first few chapters lay out the basic plotline for the main story it gives hype to readers and makes them read more but your book failed to do that. There was hardly much written on the chapter if you combine the first 3 chapters it won't even pass 2k words. Maybe you don't know but an ideal length of the chapter is 2k-4k words and your book hardly has 500 words in a chapter. If you combine all the chapters in one then they won't pass 10k words despite the fact that you have 18 chapters.

The story started as the author's POV and then it turned into Yoongi's POV which was totally unnecessary at that time because you can simply write that scene in 3rd person POV. Jimin was saying he has "tea" which is a modern slang word for gossips so how come he was using slang language in a historical setup when people didn't know those words in that era?

Concept & plot :: 2/25

The story is running around Min Yoongi the king and a villager Kim Taehyung. Yoongi saw Taehyung playing with a bunny and fell in love with him and Taehyung saw Yoongi while he was giving treats to kids. They were beside a wishing fountain and they wished the same thing. You suddenly portraying this scene as a fantasy plot which was not required in your plot so I don't understand why you added that part. There are very less written in every scene, nothing was clear and nothing is giving insight into the plot. I couldn't find the plot you were trying to show, I read the whole book.

The plot should be about their love but suddenly you added a spy and trying to make your plot mysterious and failing. You already stated that the spy is from Jeju's king so why are you trying to emphasize 'who is the spy'? Side plots make the main story more diverse and give readers more enjoyment, you added Namkook's love story as a side plot but there was nothing to feel there. The scene was poorly written and unrealistic to believe.

The pace of the plot is like a bullet train with no break. You were just jumping on the scenes like a ping pong ball. Yoongi saw Taehyung, Tae saw Yoongi, they fell in love, Namkook confessed, Namkook kisses, and the spy entered the story. Your story is exactly like this jumping without break, it was very fast with no emotions.

Tip: You need to lay out the whole plot first. Don't just write anything and please don't add anything which doesn't have any connection with the plot. You need to describe the scenes more and also give a background story about the characters as well. Don't let your readers think "why" give them a proper explanation.

Characters & emotions :: 0/15

I hardly felt anything about the story. There was nothing to relate to. Emotions don't mean angst, you can just describe the characters and make them feel real. All the characters in the book felt fake not one bit realistic. The story is should be about Taegi's love story but there was nothing to feel their love for each other. Yoongi saw Taehyung for the first time and then he was already in love with Taehyung, why? Why did he fell for him out of nowhere? Tae saw Yoongi and the next thing he was in love with him if that's the case then both of them should have fell for every living thing because they are falling in love just by seeing.

You stated in the first chapter and intro that Yoongi is a cold-hearted king and he doesn't know that he is gay but when he saw Taehyung he fell for him and never questioned why he was feeling attracted to a guy which was not a normal thing in the historical era. Yoongi and Tae hardly met each other but when Yoongi's mother brought the marriage topic Yoongi was suddenly thinking about Tae. Please read your book and you will realize there was nothing between them, they are just mere strangers and you are saying they are in love but I couldn't find any emotions between the characters.

Yoongi should be portrayed as a cold-hearted king who doesn't care about emotions but when he saw Taehyung he fell in love and then behaving like a teenager in love. Stating something like cold, love, or anger won't make your readers feel those emotions you have to show that by writing them.

Liking the same gender was taboo in the historical era but you are showing like it was so common. Jungkook and Namjoon confessed to each other, kissed and not thinking why they are feeling this emotion for each other.

Tip: Try to make scenarios in your imagination and put yourself in the scenes. Think about how will you behave or react to something like this will happen to you. The more you try to make it real the more your story will become good. It can be a very good plot if you execute it accordingly.

Tone & style :: 3/10

The tone of the story is monotonous no excitement was there in the tone. The vocabulary was very plain. There are two types of writing styles storytelling and showing. You are using the telling card, the narration is all about telling and telling and no showing. You have to give more description to your story. There are basic rules for dialogue writing which your book isn't following at all.

Each speaker gets a new paragraph. Every time someone speaks, you show this by creating a new paragraph. Yes, even if your characters are only saying one word, they get new paragraphs. Your dialogue must be punctuated but your book shows that you don't know what dialogue punctuating means. You have to put a comma or period at the end of the quotation mark which shows the relation/situation between the speaker and dialogue.
Always put a comma (,) at the end of the quotation mark if your dialogue is followed by a dialogue tag, and don't capitalize the next word. Ex-

"The deal is secured," he said.

If the dialogue is followed by an action tag then put a period at the end of the quotation mark. Ex-

"The deal is secured." He cut the call after informing.

If there is a continuous dialogue or the dialogue is after a verbal tag then you aren't supposed to capitalize the first later.

"And this one," Aecha continued, "Will be called Yoong. It isn't fair to give only one of you a nickname." [Incorrect]

"And this one," Aecha continued, "will be called Yoong. It isn't fair to give only one of you a nickname." [Correct]

You are putting lots of space between your lines to show suspense which isn't a good thing but poor execution. You don't have to put the space if you use your words to show the suspense or emotions.

Tip: Try to give a description for important scenes like what both Yoongi and Tae were feeling slowly for each other don't just say they are in love, show that they are indeed in love. Take it slow and don't rush things between them rushing won't make your story good and it will remain emotionless.

Grammar :: 4/20

The book has lots of grammar mistakes like a lot. Just skim through the first chapter and you will find many grammar mistakes. The book is full of unnecessary commas, there are many commas that aren't even needed in the sentence. You aren't supposed to put a comma before conjunction if both clauses aren't independent. Putting a comma before conjunction if 2nd clause is dependent is grammatically wrong. There are many places where you capitalize the first later at the start of the quotation. The use of punctuation marks was totally messed up.

There is plenty of wrong use of punctuation. You are using "!?" a lot which is wrong. You can't put "!?" in every sentence if that sentence doesn't need emphasizing, grammar is not for aesthetic, and adding too many punctuations won't make your story good. The ellipsis only has three dots and you can't dots more than three because it's grammatically incorrect. There are many places where you put lots of dots which is wrong.

Maybe you didn't realize but you are using a hyphen (-) instead of the em dash (—) in many places. A hyphen (-) is a punctuation mark that’s used to join words or parts of words [Ex: self-restraint ] and an em dash (—) is most often used to indicate a pause in a sentence. It’s stronger than a comma but weaker than a period or semicolon [ex: “Wait! I forgot to tell you—” The door slammed shut between us and I missed whatever she was trying to say.]

Tip: Proofread the chapter before uploading. It will help you decrease the mistakes. You can use any grammar app to check your grammar mistakes but please don't depend on it. Write your chapter and then check it with the app. Grammarly and virtual tutor is the best option for it. You can use Google docs for this as well. You can hire an editor as well, there are many editing shops available on Wattpad.

TOTAL :: 14.5/100