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The Cursed Mask
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Author :: MoonJin_29

Reviewer :: Kim_eats

First impression:: 16/20

»Cover :: 7/10

I really loved the cover. It caught my eye as soon as I saw it and sparked my interest instantly. The editing on that photo of Jin is really great, though I feel like you could use another font for the title, make it look bold and brooding, add a little shadow to pop it from the cover. Otherwise, it is a really good cover. 

»Title :: 4/5

Again, the title had the same effect on me as the cover did. It immediately gave me an idea that the book is going to be fantasy and it is overall intriguing and will definitely make the readers add your book to their reading list. 

»Blurb :: 5 /5

Using dialogues in the blurb was a great choice. And I'm glad that you didn't drag them, adding in more words. It was short, simple but generated just the perfect amount of mystery, thrill, and interest. 

Beginning of new start :: 5/10

The beginning was definitely interesting as you put the main conflict of your story in the first half of the first chapter. But I don't understand why you didn't add the prologue in the beginning. The prologue is supposed to be in the starting, in case of your book, after the foreword, and before the first chapter.  

The way you began the second chapter was good too but I feel like you rushed to show why exactly Jin has to wear a mask. The mystery was revealed way too soon for a fantasy mystery book. And it beats the purpose of making the female lead Y/N and including the second person pov. I would have liked to see more of grown up Jin’s life and his inner monologue more in the first few chapters. 

Overall, the beginning was good but rushed after the first chapter. I think that you should have kept the reason for the crack hidden and the remedy for as long as you could and include more drama. That way it would hold the readers and keep them reading to find out what happened. As of now, the moment I read that whole chapter with Lucifer, I already had an idea how the story was going to turn out but just to see how Jin grows up, I kept reading but again, as I mentioned above, Jin's life as a man hiding behind the mask, his anguish over all the deaths he caused, it's all missing and including all of that suspense and drama will actually be great and fitting for the kind of the first impression you give your readers. 

Concept and plot ::  18/25

The concept of your book is really good. It is something new, unique, and different. I can tell a lot of people would be attracted to your book. 

Coming to the plot, again, it's different and has so much potential if executed the right way but as of now, that's not happening. I'll be honest here, you need to give your book a revamp in terms of execution. The plot is so good, it deserves the right kind of execution with a proper build up to the main conflict. Revealing everything at once is not the best way to do it. Take it slowly, include things one by one and not just dump it all on the readers in the first few chapters. The lack of suspense and mystery is not doing justice to the plot at all. I hope you take this into consideration and think about changing a few things here and there.

Character & emotions :: 7/15

Talking about characters, I was really glad to see you using only the needed characters and not including more than needed. Usually, in a BTS FF or any FF, writers try including all the members even when it's not necessary, so I liked how it wasn't too crowded in terms of characters. All characters had their own purpose and weren't just sitting around unnecessarily. 

Coming to emotions, much work needs to be done. I basically felt nothing when it came to emotions. It felt as if I was just going through that person's motion but neither I nor the character felt again. This is where including a monologue helps with understanding the personality of the character, their flaws, virtues, and vices. It's important that these things come forward so that the readers can connect to the characters and feel their emotions as if they were their own. No connection, no emotions. 

Tone & style :: 8/10

The way you are writing right now is good and with more practice, your writing style would flourish more. So, there is scope for importance but you'll get there. 

Coming to the povs you used, most of it was in the third person and it was a great choice but the switch from third person pov to second person pov wasn't really necessary. You could have continued with third person pov, it would have been more comfortable reading. And I know it's not my place to say what you name your characters but you can also change Y/N to an OC if you are thinking to continue with your current writing style and plot. But like I mentioned earlier, revealing everything in the start and not letting Y/N discover everything herself slowly beats the purpose of using 'Y/N'. It's completely your choice though, if you want an OC or not, this is just a suggestion. 

Grammar :: 15/20

Your grammar for the major part is good. I only found a few missing commas and typos which can be easily corrected after proofreading. You also need to put a little more attention to sentence structuring. Some sentences can be rephrased and if you proofread, you'll understand which sentence needs rephrasing as I told you in a comment. 

Other than this, you need to pay attention to the dialogue tag. Dialogue tags are used to let readers know who is speaking. 'He said, 'She shouted' are examples of dialogue tags. 

When a dialogue tag is used before a dialogue, end it with a comma instead of a full stop. 

Example:

He asked, "Where are you going?"

If you use dialogue tag after dialogue, end the sentence in double quotations with a comma unless you are using a question mark or exclamation mark and the dialogue tag should not be capitalized unless it’s a proper noun. 

Example:

"I'm coming with you," she said. 

Other than this, I advise you to use Thesaurus for vocabulary and also suggest you read books from the fantasy mystery genre. It would help a lot. 

I hope you find this review helpful and take it in a positive way. Like I mentioned earlier, your plot is really great and I really think it can do great, so I hope you work even harder and improve more. 

TOTAL: : 69/100