Author : Minkittystan

Reviewer : haefatima99

The eyes of darkness

Cover: 4/10

Straight away, your cover has no excitement except for the background image of Yoongi that you selected. The colour scheme of your title is too incompatible that I couldn't able to read it in first glance. Change that pink font into something more contrasting. Also, it would be a lot better if you change the cover, because it looks like a 4 years old child's creation.

Title: 2/5

I have read seven chapters of your book since there were only seven chapters, and after reading those, I don't think so that your title is matching to your plot. Maybe, it is, but I can't see "The eyes of darkness" and such reference anywhere in the book. Your plot is too fluffy, and darkness is nowhere to be found. Even if it's starting of your book, but still you need to make sure that as an author, you tell your readers about the meaning behind your title, directly or indirectly.

Synopsis: 5/10

I actually think blurb is good; especially when you are neither giving the depiction of the whole storyline, or giving nothing at all.

In technical field, you definitely need to work hard, because there are so many grammatical errors scatter throughout the blurb.

Never put the dialogues of two characters in the same paragraph like you did. Notice the example from your blurb:

[ "Why? This picture." she paused, staring at the sketch which was in a frame hung up on the wall "Wait, what? I haven't seen this around my house?" Yoongi looked closely at the sketch.]

Also, punctuations are important to make your writing formal, but don't overuse them. Only 3 dots in ellipsis are there, but you have  overused them at several places including your blurb. Notice the following example:

["Let me see .... this sketch looks familiar with something," he said studying the sketch.]

[Let me see...] this is better with three dots, because we don't so many commas to pause.

Plot: 9/30

By reading your blurb, I guessed that this book would has a plot full of twists and turns, but seven chapters couldn't able to give me any kind of twist.

I lost interest in your plot, until seventh chapter. I couldn't able to keep myself on the seat because of so many cliché scenes. Clichés are good, but every scene in your plot is an event that I have encountered somewhere in a book on Wattpad.

I want to read a story with a realistic plot that would make me want to give you full marks, and your reader wants same from you. As far as your plot is concerned, it didn't give me that excitement. Your plot is okay until the first chapter, after that, I find nothing exciting in it.

You need to make first few chapters full of surprises, and twists for readers without giving too much information, so that they don't click the "back" button.

A Quick tip: Your plot can be better by adding a turning point in the story using flashbacks.

Characters: 6/10

Your characters have no development, they are still, and not moving. I want them to excite me by making me feel emotions that I have never felt. I want them to be a true epitome of life, not some dry words randomly put down together in support of their depiction.

The only person I like in your book was your main female character, because she is a bold kind of person. But the character of Yoongi hasn't been treated well. Treat him well, make him more challenging just like the female lead.

Grammar: 10/25

You need to work on this criteria a lot. I will break down your missing points.

1) Don't change tenses in a paragraph:

I noticed that your tenses are inconsistent, and you are switching between them throughout your book. For instance, notice the following paragraph of your book.

[What!! What is he talking about? I don't even remember any events of my life. But where did he find me? How did I end up here? Who brought me to this hospital? What happened to me?]

Present tense= is, don't
Past tense= did, brought

I edited this paragraph for you in past tense, since it's mostly suitable for fiction. I hope you so you can understand better.

Edited version:

[ What! What was he talking about? I didn't even remember any events of my life. But, where did he find me? How did I end up here? Who brought me to this hospital? What happened to me? ]

Also, you are missing out some commas in the above paragraph, and that makes us to move towards our next grammatical error which is punctuation mistakes.

2) Avoid the overuse of punctuations

The below mentioned paragraph is from your book.

[ What!!!

"B-but I don't even know anyone here," I protested.

"That's because you had been through amnesia an.." Mr. Bae was cut off in the middle of his sentence.

"..... and I decided to take care of you for the rest of your life. If that's fine with you," Mr. Park said with a warming smile.]

Notice that you are using so many exclamation marks, and periods at one time. For example, in the above example:

1) "What!!!"
2) ..... and I decided to take care of you for the rear of your life.

One exclamation mark is enough, plus, three periods (ellipsis) are enough. Stop over using them, dear. There are many such examples in your book. Fix them, because overuse of punctuation makes your writing style tired, plus, your dialogues informal.

A Quick tip: You can search on internet the rules of commas very easily for better understanding.

Writing style: 4/10

So you definitely need work here too, since your lack description in your book. Also, please stop using scripted writing style in a book that is a fan fiction ( a kind of novel in general) because scripted form of dialogues is usually used in plays, not in novels. Notice the plays of Shakespeare, they are plays, dramas so scripted style suits him well. But you can't use this in novels unless you want to make it a trend.

Another point that I found quite distracting while reading your book was your author note in between the text of fan fiction. Notice the following example from your book:

[ "Don't we have an extra room here?" I asked as she still smiled and nodded as we walked to the room. It had nothing, so I decided to order furnitures and (random stuffs which your author is too lazy to explain ) ]

The thing you said in bracket was making me feel like to stop reading your book, since it was quite distracting, and entirely irrelevant.

Did you ever see a published book with its author putting author notes in between the text? Obviously not, so why did you put them?

Overall, please work on the places  where I told you. You don't have to accept everything what I say, and you have a right to question me too. But, this was my genuine review of your book based on objectivity. I will recommend your book to others once you will edit it, and add some more excitement in it. Other than that, no author is bad, and I think you can improve too. Don't get discouraged by my review, and work on the points that you are lacking then you are good to go.

Review Scores : 40/100

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