I don't get my hearing aid the next day. I go to work and have quite a difficult time. I talk much louder to customers than usual, and one lady is extremely rude about it. It's not entirely my fault. The whole world is off-kilter. Eventually, Quil is the one to come and pick me up.

"Hey," he manages. "Who pissed on your parade?"

I scowl at him, getting into the car, not in the mood for his jokes. I smell like greasy food and my hair is a mess. There's ketchup on my pants and I spilt coffee in my shoes. Thankfully, the coffee was cold. Unfortunately, I'm still disgusted by myself.

"I just want to go shower," I say.

"We're taking a detour first," he tells me.

I groan, rolling back in my seat.

He takes us to the post office, where I wait in the car, relishing in my own filth. He's inside for ten minutes, and during that time, I debate texting Alice and asking how much longer on the hearing aid. She foretold that we would be good friends. Maybe she's someone I can turn to for help.

Quil gets back to the car with a big box, which he throws in the trunk before we head out.

"What's that?" I ask.

He smiles, "our Halloween costumes."

My eyes widen. I've never gotten to dress up for Halloween before. It was always a demonic holiday. My head feels lighter. I was so distracted by everything else it slipped my mind that Halloween is tomorrow.

"What costume do I have?" I ask, wanting to crawl into the trunk and rip apart the package and find out for myself.

"You're going as Leia," Quil says. "Jacob and I are still fighting over who will be Han or Luke. Embry is getting Chewbacca."

Who?

I don't bother asking. I'm sure it's something that I'm supposed to know. While we were allowed to listen to some secular music, movies and television were not around. I probably wouldn't know they existed if it weren't for the scary stories the people who raised me told us children about the outside world.

Unsurprisingly, these characters never came up. I assume they are fictional, with a name like Chewbacca, but I've been wrong before.

"What are we doing on Halloween?" I ask.

"Sam's hosting a party," Quil says.

These boys party so much, it's hard to keep up with them. Considering that I'm a lightweight and the rest can guzzle down beer unlike anything I've ever known before, it's hard to keep up. It's insane.

"Will Emily and the other imprints be there?" I ask.

He nods, "not Claire though."

I look over at him, watching as he bites his lip. His eyes stay on the road, but I watch the corners turn down.

"You miss her a lot," I say.

"Yeah," his voice is more breath than throat. "I do. Magnanimously."

That's the biggest word I think I've ever heard Quil say. He also is the most serious I've ever seen him as well. Claire seems to fit him perfectly. I can't imagine either of them being serious, and yet here we are.

"How do you know you love her?" I ask.

He laughs. His eyes dart over me and then back at the road, "I don't know. It's not exactly easy to explain."

"How can you tell the difference between the imprint and the love?" I press on.

Quil looks at me once more. We are on the back roads, but I remember the last car crash I was in. Alice lost control for a minute. Could Quil do the same?

"You know, you sound exactly like Jake," he points out. "Anyway, you shouldn't project your issues onto my relationship. Claire and I are perfectly happy together. That's all that matters."

When we get home, Jacob is nowhere to be found. All the better. Quil, Embry and I play video games. If Quil was tense from our earlier conversation, he doesn't let it on. I'm definitely going to miss him and Embry more than anyone else I've missed in my life. Certainly, more than I miss Cedar now.

I shower, and then we make dinner, which is meatball subs. It's an odd dinner for us, an odd occasion altogether. Once the different sides are ready, the three of us sit down and eat together. We laugh like old times. By now, I'm used to how much they eat. There are still leftovers. Jacob's, I assume.

During the meal, I text Alice for an update on the hearing aid. She gets back to me almost immediately, to let me know it should only be a few more days. It's more than I bargained for, but at least I will get to spend Halloween doing something fun.

After dinner, we carve pumpkins that Embry picked up as a treat. The boys have to show me how to do it. I use a proper knife, cutting in rudimentary shapes. Embry gives his pumpkin wide eyes and a circular mouth. Quil gives his pumpkin a wicked grin and triangular eyes. Mine has a ghoulish smile, with lots of teeth. Even though cutting a pumpkin is hard, I'm used to using a knife.

"You nailed it, Fawn," Quil jokes.

Embry swallows, "a bit too well, I think."

They only have three pumpkins. I wonder if this one was for my use or Jacob's. I'm not going to ask where he is, no matter how much I would like to know. It's an itch that scratches at the back of my head.

"So, do we put lights in them?" I ask.

Quil nods. He leads us all to the front porch, where we put out our pumpkins and put candles inside the tops.

"An animal will probably be in them by morning," Embry sighs. "All that hard work for nothing."

Quil laughs, "hard work? You cut three circles into a pumpkin. I'd hardly call that hard work."

They continue to bicker while I take a few steps outside. It's getting cooler. I can feel the air prickling at my skin. My sweater is thick and heavy; there's just enough fabric to keeps me warm.

At this moment, I realize I've never really thought about clothes outside of shopping with Alice and Emily. I don't really have taste; I wore whatever was given to me at the convent and anything that doesn't draw too much attention. Everything's about practicality. Only on occasion have I gotten to feel less like a cult survivor and more like a teenage girl.

Even here, I don't feel like a teenage girl. I'm living illegally on a reservation, with three boys, one of which I am bound to for life. I've never gotten the chance to fall in love, or have my heart broken. All of that has been stolen from me.

Quil and Embry finish lighting the candles, and then they walk up beside me.

"What are you staring at?" Quil asks.

I'm watching time pass me by. A wave of anxiety washes over me. Am I wasting my life? My first ounce of freedom and I am afraid to leave. I'm trapped once more. Am I happy? Could I ever be happy in La Push or Forks?

"Nothing," I tell him.

Embry exhales, "Fawn, last time that you said it was nothing, it was that bitch trying to hunt you."

"I'm just appreciating nature," I shake my head, looking at the other houses on the street. They are far apart, surrounded by trees. "There is no telling how long I will be here."

Silence follows their words. Quil squeezes my arm and turns to head inside. I know the chill in the air isn't bothering him. It's my cold shoulder that freezes him.

After a few seconds, Embry sighs, "you're not giving him another chance, are you?"

There are just so many problems going on I can't keep them straight. Jacob didn't want to love me. He lied about being blind. He's controlling, and manipulative, and he's got a mean streak like no one else.

"Who's Leia?" I ask, trying to distract the conversation.

"She a princess in a movie about space," Embry answers, kicking at the dirt on the driveway. "Luke is her brother and Han is her boyfriend. Chewbacca is Han's friend."

"So, they are fighting over who gets to play my boyfriend?" I ask, looking over at Embry.

Embry shrugs, "not really. Quil thinks he's more like Han, and Jacob wants to be your partner. It doesn't really matter since they both kiss Leia anyway."

I flinch. That's super gross.

"Can we watch the movie?" I ask.

"There are three," Embry offers. "It won't have subtitles either, but we can watch it tonight anyway. If you'd like, I mean."

It gives me something to pass the time. I don't want to waste my life away though. There is so much I haven't done. As the anger subsides, the fear rolls in. Maybe that's all that anger is anyway. Maybe I'm just scared.

Scared that I will be stuck doing this for the rest of my life. This fighting. This doubt. Jacob never wanted me until now. I don't understand it.

~~~~~

Woop Woop. It's almost here. No Jacob, but some super slick moments with the friends that she has made along the way. I'm excited about what is to come. I want to include like a quote or something from the next chapter to tease, but there are so many good ones argh!

Who's your favourite between Quil and Embry?