We get changed into our Halloween costumes, since they are dry, and it's late enough that we barely have time to make it home. Jacob and I sit together in silence, with me holding my hearing aid in my hand. My hair is pretty wet, and though I could just put it in and it would probably be fine, I don't want to bother.

Especially since I'm so comfortable in this silence we share.

At home, I blow-dry my hair. Leia has a weird hairstyle. I try my best to emulate it, but I was never really taught to do much with my hair besides putting it into a ponytail and braids. When I come down the stairs, I'm the last one ready.

It seems Quil and Jacob have stopped bickering over who is going to wear which outfit. From what I remember, it looks like Jacob is Han and Quil is Luke. Mostly, I can tell because Quil has a pouted lip.

"Finally," Quil's lips perk up into a smile. "The party is about to get busy!"

We take another cab over so that everyone can have some fun. Though I'm not in the mood to drink away my feelings, I still don't know how to drive and nobody wants a beginner like me behind the wheel, especially when they are intoxicated.

Once we get to Sam's house, and the cab is gone, I realize we are early. It feels like we were set up, or that someone lied to me, since the boys don't seem surprised to be greeted by an empty yard. Sam is still setting up the fire pit in his backyard. He beckons us over, but I feel so cold. My outfit is draped over me like a sheet. It's not insulated well. As the boys head over, grabbing beers out of the cooler and opening them, I head inside.

Emily is there, preparing food. She has little decorated cookies and candy apples, and all sorts of other treats for the occasion. I grab a little cup and fill it with a few candies. I was never allowed any sweets growing up, out of fear that I would gain weight even though I worked out for two to three hours every day without rest.

While the weakness makes my body feel foreign, the rest is appreciated.

"So, Jacob's seeing you now," Emily says. "Literally, anyway."

"Yeah," I say, biting down on a sugar-coated candy. It is sour, and it makes me pucker my lips.

She looks at me and smiles, "you like sour candies?"

I shake my head, quickly chewing it and swallowing it. It feels heavy in my throat, almost a lump, but at least it's not in my mouth anymore. I grab a beer off the table and drink from it, forcing the liquor to wash down the dull ache.

"I thought it would be sweet," I manage, after I finish swallowing.

"I figured," she laughs, moving back to organizing the strawberries that have been decorated to look like ghosts.

Ghosts aren't real, I remind myself.

Vampires and shape-shifters, on the other hand, apparently have free reign over my world.

"How's it been, since Hawaii?" I ask. It's been weeks since we last spoke. It was even before Marie died. That alone feels like years ago. Time passes me by like cars on the freeway. Soon, I will be expected to exist in the space that Emily occupies. We are both the imprints of the Alphas.

She looks at me, "you don't really want to talk about me, do you?"

"Of course I do," I correct her. "You're like, kind of one of the few people here who gets it."

She offers a polite grin, "well enough. With the Cullens moving out in a few months, it looks like the pack is going to retire. Other than Kamiko, we haven't had a vampire here in years. Everyone is already looking for work with their free time."

"What about my pack?" I furrow my brow. None of them have mentioned any of this to me.

"Jacob's been living off of his inheritance since he graduated last year, as well as the odd bit of money from fixing up cars and bikes. Embry and Quil get some money from their parents to help maintain the place, buy groceries, all the essential things you need as a homeowner," Emily finally seems satisfied with her display. "It's the real world for you all now. You're 18, after all."

For a moment, I forgot the fishing businesses weren't real. Do none of them really work?

"It looks like everyone is growing up," she frowns, almost too quickly for me to notice, before she sighs. "There, all done. Perfect."

I'm not sure it's all done or it's perfect. I remind myself she's talking about the food, not about what's happening here in La Push. The real world is itching at my door, and there is a boy who fell in love with me three days ago after tolerating me for weeks.

"How're things with Jacob?" she asks.

I don't have time to pour out my heart to her before the door opens, and a few of the other women enter. Unlike their dates, they can't bear to be outside in the late autumn weather for long periods. We women run cold.

"Hey, Fawn," one of the girls says. I barely remember her from the night of the party when I first kissed Jacob. She runs up to me and hugs me. "I see that Jacob has taken off those ugly glasses. It sucked keeping that secret from you."

"I'm sure it did, Kim," Emily says, winking at me. She must've read the confusion on my face. Thank everything for Emily once again.

Kim grabs a strawberry and plops it into her mouth. As she chews, a few of the younger women trail in. Most of them look younger than Kim and me, and I don't remember them being at the party at all. There was a rule about younger guests then, but I guess not now.

"It's so awesome having no more secrets," she says, leading me over to the couch. We sit down next to each other. "Besides, how's it been? I'm sure everything is wonderful."

I don't know how to answer. I'm used to lying, but that feels dishonest and manipulative in this context. Consequently, I just smile and plop another candy in my mouth.

I grit my teeth. It's so sour.

Music begins to play in the kitchen, and so the next time Kim speaks I have to ask her to raise her voice. She brings us away from the music to a couch in the living room. Hopefully, I'll be able to hear out of both ears tomorrow. No guarantees, but there are no guarantees in life. Well, very few.

Jacob following me anywhere would be one. He'd hear my voice at any corner of the earth no matter how quietly I whispered.

I don't know that I want to be known so well.

Kim keeps telling me all about her life. She thinks Jared is going to propose soon. In fact, she's surprised he hasn't already. Apparently, Paul is going to propose to Rachel soon, he's just working up the courage to ask Jacob for his permission. I'm not supposed to know that though. So many names fly me by and I don't know any of them. Other than Rachel and Paul, who are Jacob's sister and her boyfriend, if memory serves correct.

Eventually, I'm out of beer. I tell her I'm going to get another when I have little to no intention of coming back. I don't know how much I talked to Kim that night at the party, but it seems to have been enough that we are now considered best buddies. Really, I mostly remember dancing with Claire. I don't mind Kim too much. It would be nice to have a new friend. Still, she can drone on about things that I don't know about nor do I care about.

After I grab my drink I make my way outside. As soon as I shut the door behind me, the music goes quiet. I breathe in and out, thankful to hear the sound of the air coming out of my lungs. Another good breath of air, nowhere near as good as the last but still passable.

I make my way over to the boys gathered around the fire, who have all clumped into groups and are chatting. Sam is nowhere to be found, but the boys who are all around my age are gathered in a corner by the fire.

"Fawn," Quil runs up to me, holding an empty bottle of jagger in his hands. He's sloppy, slipping all over the place. He must have drunk the whole thing. "Come on over. You remember Paul and Jared."

Quil gestures over to the boys, and I offer my meekest of waves. I don't want to reveal what Kim has told me, so I avert my gaze.

"So, you actually did give up the ruse," Paul laughs. "Didn't think you had it in you. Good job."

"Don't be so smart," Jacob snaps. I look up at him. Unlike Quil, who reeks of booze, I can't smell a drop of alcohol on him. I'm almost definitely tipsier than him and I'm one drink in.

Paul puts his hands up, as if to prove he means no harm. I can't tell if he does or doesn't, but I feel like Paul is on my side. I remember back to the first conversation with him that I witnessed. He told Jacob to tell me. Even if he is making Jacob angry now, I can't help but want to thank him for advocating for me when no one else would.

"Chill bro, he's just playing," Jared knocks Jacob's shoulder carefully. "We were just betting on how long it would take."

"How long was the bet?" Quil asks, oblivious to the flush on Jacob's cheeks.

"I said mid-November," Jared points out. "Figured he couldn't keep his hands off his bikes that long. A bunch of the other pack members had bets on never, but Paul was closest. He said late October."

Jacob rolls his eyes, "haha very funny."

"I would've bet never," I joke, and Quil and Jared burst out laughing.

Embry's mouth twitches, and his gaze darts between Jacob and me. I shrug, and take a sip of my beer.

"I brought something harder, if you'd like," Jared offers. He reaches down into the backpack on the ground and I hear bottles jingle. So, it seems he is the one who supplied Quil with copious amounts of alcohol.

"I'm good," I say, my grip tightening around my beer.

Embry digs into the bag, taking out a bottle of rum, "she's a lightweight, even for a regular person."

Quil hits his head with the palm of his hand. "Yeah, Jared, she's a lightweight. You saw her at the party."

"We all saw her at the party," Jared laughs.

I feel my mouth tighten. I look over at Jacob, who shares a glance with me. Both of our cheeks are red, both of us are slightly shaking our heads. I take a sip of my beer again, and he copies my movement, raising the beer up to his lips and drinking.

"Well, I think those days are behind me," I say. "Unless Claire comes around, obviously. That girl makes a harlot out of me."

They all laugh, including Jacob.

~~~~~

I think this is sweet. You know, it's much better than I had anticipated. Like, she's getting to know them all, making jokes, being fun. Just normal young adult things. I love it.

Spoiler alert. There are two chapters left and an epilogue. I hope you enjoy them!