THIRTY THREE. say the word

PAST.

Adeline sat quietly in the security of her shared tent outside of Hershels farm, her chin resting tiredly on her knees that were tucked to her chest. She resided in the fabricated floor, thoughts racing through her mind at an inhumane speed. It was one of those rare days when the group had time to theirselves, time to think about what had happened to them and plan for the future.

It had been four days since it was revealed that Sophia was inside of the walker infested barn rather than being lost in the woods. Four days since the shootout at the bar, and four days since they had locked an injured Randall up in a shed. Shane sat on the floor next to her, his back pressed against the frame of their cot with the red crate stuck between his legs.

He had parts of his gun sprawled out on the surface that was covered by one of his shirts, cleaning the metal while his eyebrows were threaded by pure concentration and focus. Adeline moved her eyes to him, watching with tired eyes as his fingers moved across the black metal. Shane could feel her stare, carefully sitting the pieces onto the crate and turning his head to catch her eyes.

"We should go into town ." Adeline changed to subject before it could become one, absentmindedly twisting the wedding rings on her finger. "Get some supplies before winter hits." She added onto her words, swallowing what she truly wanted to say to him. "Maybe some stuff for the baby. Milk, bottles, toys."

At her words, Shane shifted slightly and turned back to his gun. Adeline watched as he slowly put the pieces back together and sent his tongue over his lips, "We should." he agreed with his wife, sliding the fully loaded magazine back into the gun before carefully pushing the crate away and standing up.

Holding his hand out towards his wife, Adeline looked up at his calloused palm for a few seconds before taking it in her own and pulling herself up. Shane kept her hand in his, sliding his pistol into the holster on his side before pulling her into a tight hug. "You deserve better than me, Addy. I want... I need you to know that."

With reluctant arms, she wrapped them around his body and breathed a breath of relief while sinking into his hold that she longed for. "We deserve each other, Shane." Her voice mumbled into the material of his shirt, rubbing her gloved hand against his back before pulling away slightly and looking up into his eyes. "I still love you."

"It would be safer if you didn't." The words were above a silent whisper, his lips placing a soft kiss onto the bridge of her nose before he released her from his hold and handed her the fur lined jacket her had found her on one of the runs he had went on. "Come on, Little Bird."

Nodding slowly, she slipped the jacket over her arms and grabbed her beanie off of the floor. After sliding it over her head, Adeline checked to make sure she had her weapons before walking out of the tent with her husband. The camp was silent, only a crackling fire to keep them company with morning fog wavering against the fields. Dale sat watch atop the RV, waving down at the woman. "Where are you two headed off to?" He inquired.

"Going on a run, Dale." Shane was the one to answer, his whole personality flipping a switch once they stepped out of their tent. Adeline nodded in confirmation, "We'll be back before anyone starts to worry." She assured with a small smile before following her husband to the green Hyundai he had fixed up back on the highway.

Slipping into the passenger seat, she blew warm breath into her cupped hands at the cold leather of the seat. Shane took notice of her actions, twisting the keys into the ignition before turning the heat up and turning his vent towards her body. As the farm grew farther away, and his personality began to seep back through the cracks, the realization that the ride they shared would be their last one failed to hit the woman who would soon become a widow.

Adeline never would have guessed that the vehicle would turn into a nightmare for her, a thing that in the near future she would pledge to avoid looking at. All because the last time she rode in it, she was actually at peace.
A sudden warmth gripped the spot above her knee, fingers curling around the material of her jeans resting in the spot comfortably. Tearing her eyes away from the window, she felt a barely visible smile lace her lips as she cupped her own hand over Shanes and squeezed softly.

Turning back to the cars window, her eyes caught sight of two walkers stumbling through a field of high weeds. Her eyebrows furrowed at the sight, the ghost of a smile fading away from her lips. Adeline shifted in her seat, keeping her hand on her husbands as she carefully pulled his hand off of her leg and intertwined their fingers for a sense of comfort that she desperately longed for. Shane took his eyes off of the paved road momentarily, moving them onto his wife who kept her head against the window.

He attempted to take in every detail, hoping that the darkness in his mind wouldn't rip the only thing he wanted away from him. The freckles on her cheeks and where they resided, the way her hair was tucked underneath her beanie and stray strands framed her face, small scratches that had scabbed over, bags underneath her eyes that were threaded by exhaustion. Everything about her, everything he loved, he begged his mind to let him remember. Because once he forgot the smallest of details, he knew that he had completely lost himself.

After a silent drive into town, the car slowed to a stop outside of a baby store. Adeline looked up at the sign in front of the building, "Let's hope no one raided it." she spoke, turning her head to Shane who nodded and unholstered his pistol before opening the car door.

Slowly popping her own door open, her boots landed softly onto the concrete below her before she silently closing the passenger door. Sliding her machete out of its sheath, Adeline allowed a more experienced Shane to take the lead. Following after him, her caramel eyes took in their surroundings and made sure there were no walkers around that could come too close for comfort.

The bell above the door rang loudly, causing the married couple to wince at the sound before hurriedly sneaking into the store. Adeline felt Shanes hand curl around her wrist, keeping her body protectively behind his own. It wasn't until snarls were heard when their grips around their weapons tightened, two walkers stumbling into view of the couple. "I'll drawl them away, take them down."

"What?" Adeline was quick to question his method, "No, that's dumb. You take one, I'll take the other." She assured with confident eyes, motioning towards the smaller walker. "If it makes you feel better, I'll take that one." Adeline offered - causing Shane to look at the space between them and the walkers before nodding reluctantly and going after the bigger one.

While he distracted his own, Adeline stepped to the side and whistled for the other walker. The big one went after her husband, the smaller snarled at her before stumbling over supplies in the floor. Furrowing her brows, Adeline snuck around the shelve and came up behind the walker where she kicked its knee in with her foot. The stalker fell to the floor, snapping up at the woman as she roared the blade of her machete into its skull.

The growls ceased just as Shane walked over to his wife, wiping the bloodied blade of his knife against his cargo pants. "You okay?" He questioned, looking down at the dead walker underneath her. Adeline nodded, "Yeah. You?" She retorted, her chest heaving as she slid the machete back into its sheath.

Shanes curious eyes took notice of the small blood splatter on her cheek, stepping forward to wipe away at the crimson with his thumb. Adeline let out a small laugh, curling her fingers around his wrist before he could retreat his hand back to his side. Raising her own, she cupped the side of his neck and stood on her toes to press her lips against his own.

PRESENT.

Adeline kept her eyes trained on her wedding rings, eyes full of lost hope mixed with relief at the realization that she wasn't scratched by the walker. But the lost hope blew away the small moment of comfort, the dead body of Lori residing only a few corridors down as they made their way out of the building. The only thing she could focus on was the blood covering her wedding rings, crimson decorating her calloused palms and the soft cries of the baby Maggie tearfully held to her chest.

Thoughts ran through her mind, thoughts of what would have happened if she didn't follow her brother and husband out to the field that night. What if? A taunting question that never left her mind. What if Rick had returned by himself - and he had to tell her what happened. But now the roles have been reversed, he had killed her husband and she was forced to kill his wife. And instead of seeing it, she had to tell him.

The thought of looking at the baby and seeing features that were familiar feared her, because Adeline knew who the father was. The man that was taken away from her. And she realized she wasn't ready to look, she hadn't prepared herself over the months on the road.

It was something she should've done, but she was too busy with trying to forget that she had ever lost Shane. Adeline found her mind trying to convince her that he survived, that he was out there somewhere and alive. That he never died in her arms.

Sunlight seeping through the end of a hallway caused the widow to lead them down the corridor. Her eyes caught sight of Rick, Daryl and Glenn talking to Hershel and Beth who stood on top a set of stairs. Axel and Oscar stood off to the side, their arms crossed over their chests. Guilt ran through her veins as she curled her fingers around the door and slowly pushed it open, stumbling into the courtyard, the baby that Maggie held let out a soft cry and announced their presence.

A shaky breath left Adelines lips, her brother turning around to lay his eyes on her bloodied figure. He took notice of the baby in Maggie's arms, the blood staining his sisters hands and the trail of tears down her face. Her caramel eyes began to well up with tears once again, face tightening in attempts to suppress her sobs as Rick shook his head in disbelief.

The axe he held in his hand clattered to the concrete, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he stumbled over to his sister. Adeline looked to him with guilt filled eyes, "I... I tried... Rick, I-"

"Where - where is she? Where is she?" The words slipped from his lips, causing a choked sob to leave her chapped lips as she shook her head. Rick rubbed away at the tears that left his eyes, "No. N-no." He cried, grabbing her arms and looking at the blood that covered them. "No,
no,"

The sobs that left his lips caused Adeline to hold in her own, "I'm sorry..." she whispered, connecting her eyes with his own as his knees gave in. Before he could fall, she wrapped her arms around his waist and carefully lowered herself to the ground where he curled up in her lap and held onto her. Adeline felt her mind become empty, tears numbly trailing down her face as she pressed her forehead to his shoulder. "I tried."

━━

Several minutes had passed in the blink of an eye, Ricks knees pressed against the concrete as he stared numbly into the echoing abyss. Adeline situated herself in front of him, her eyebrows furrowed together - hands pressed against either side of her brothers face. "Rick... Rick you have to snap out of it." She pleaded, her words proving to be nothing but futile as she sighed deeply and turned her head to where Hershel examined the baby to make sure it was healthy.

"Addy... he's... he's gone. We have to- we have to go." Rick attempted, his hands reaching out to grab ahold of his sister. But one the the things he feared the most, one of the repetitive nightmares that haunted his dream had become true. Adeline flinched from his touch, and with one swift movement she had a black pistol gripped in her bloodied hand and pointed towards his head.

Without second thought, the remembrance of what he had done caused her to stand up from her spot with teary eyes and make her way over to what remained of the group. Before any words could be said, a calloused hand curled its fingers around her shoulder and examined the ripped fabric of her shirt before handing the lost piece that was splattered with blood to her. "You okay?" Daryl drawled, the relief in his tone failing to go unnoticed by the widow.

"Yeah," The widow nodded while taking the material in her hands before tucking it in her pocket. "It was a close call." She stated, looking around the small group with furrowed brows and swollen eyes. "Where's T and Carol?" Adeline questioned curiously.

The downcast of eyes caused a breath laced with disbelief and grief to leave her lips, the tears that once remained in her eyes threatening to pool over once again. Adeline shifted on her feet and ran a hand over her face to rid of the emotions that ran through her - "How... how does she look? Is she okay?" She changed the subject in a quick manner, her eyes avoiding the baby in Carl's arms.

"The good news is that she looks healthy." Hershel announced, looking to Adeline who crossed her arms over her chest and shifted on her feet next to Daryl. "That can of formula you found won't last long, she needs more. And soon or she won't survive." He added, watching as the widow nodded while wiping away at the trail of tears on her cheeks before rubbing her hands against her jeans.

With a quick shake of her head, she took a few steps back to grab her machete that had clattered to the concrete. In one quick movement, the weapon found itself back in its sheath as Daryl copied her movements and swung his crossbow back over his shoulder - "Nope. No way. Not her. We ain't losing nobody else. I'm going for a run." He stated, perking his eyebrow as he looked to the widow who stood next to him, "You in?"

Adeline nodded in confirmation, "Yeah." she assured before looking back at her brother who stared mindlessly into the air. "Yeah, I'm going."

Looking to her, Hershel shifted on the crutches that kept him balanced. "You may need to stay here. Be here for your brother," The elder insisted with squinted eyes, glancing back at their leader who resembled a lost puppy.

His words caused Adeline to shake her head, "We all go through shi-" her caramel eyes caught sight of her nephew before she tightened her lips and turned to the elder. "The only reason I'm still here is to keep that baby and my nephew alive." She informed, avoiding the eyes sent her way as she looked down to the ground.

"I need to get Shanes gun." Adeline muttered, walking away from the group only to stop in her step at the realization of what had left her mouth. His name. It and been the first time she said it since he had died in her arms, the sound of it rolling off her lips causing tears to sting her eyes. Shaking her head, she kept walking towards the cell block and left the group.

After a few short seconds in her cell, she left herself no time to think about their situation as she tightened the sheath of six throwing knives back on her thigh. Grabbing the gun holster, Adeline slid her husbands pistol back into its spot before rushing back outside and meeting up with Daryl, Glenn, and Maggie who stood next to the line of vehicles. "What's the destination?" She questioned, avoiding the worried eyes they sent her way.

"There's a Piggly Wiggly on 85." Glenn offered, running a hand through his hair. Maggie shook her head, "No, the baby section's been cleared. Lori asked me to keep an eye out. I haven't had much luck." She informed, crossing her blood stained arms over her chest.

"Is there any place that hasn't been completely looted?" Daryl inquired while fixing the strap of his crossbow.

Adeline tucked her hair behind her ears with her eyes deep in thought until the sudden realization slammed into her. "I know a place. It's not that far," She spoke up with furrowed brows. Daryl looked to her - "You sure?"

"Yeah, completely." She nodded in confirmation, "But uh... there's too much debris on the road." Adeline lied through her teeth, avoiding the eyes of Maggie as she talked. "Car will never make it through there."

The redneck grabbed his black vest with the angel wings threaded on the back, slipping it through his arms. "Okay, I'll take you." He assured before looking back to the couple who stood by the green Hyundai that Adeline avoided looking at. "Saw signs for a shopping center north of here, you two go there." Daryl instructed - the two of them nodding in confirmation.

Grabbing the navy blue backpack Maggie held out to her, Adeline slung the bag over her shoulders before sliding onto the back of Daryls motorcycle. Wrapping her arms around his waist, he was quick to drive out of the courtyard and through the gate that Oscar had pulled open for them. The wind smacked against her skin, the redneck looking back at her over the loud gust - "Where to?"

Reluctantly, she scooted closer to his back and rested her head on his shoulder to where he could hear her. "It's at the farm." Adeline informed, the words causing the vehicle they rode to slow down on the side of the graveled road.

"The hell?" Daryl questioned, turning around to fully look at the widow who scooted back and avoided his curious eyes. "The hell you mean it's at the farm? There ain't no way we're going back there." He assured, his voice raspy.

The widow sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose before meeting his eyes, "It's been eight months, Daryl. Most of the walkers are gone from there and you know it," She argued with furrowed brows. Before he could open his mouth to respond, she reluctantly fiddled with her wedding rings - "A few days after we found Sophia in the barn, me and Shane went on a run. We put the stuff up in the shed Randall stayed in. In the rafters, we hid it. I promise that it's there."

"You better not be bullshitting me." Daryl grumbled, fixating his position before taking back off down the road once her arms were secured around his waist. Adeline patted his stomach - "I promised, didn't I?"

After thirty minutes of taking shortcuts and navigating through hidden trails, the familiar dirt road leading into the farmhouse came into sight. Adeline placed her forehead against his back and avoiding looking at the places that contained memories she wanted to avoid, as the motorcycle slowed to a stop in front of the white house that still stood proudly in its place.

Daryl kicked the kickstand into place as he felt the widow behind him slowly release her grip on his waist. Slinging his legs over to bike, he fixed his crossbow before turning to look at the woman who ran her hands over her face and breathed in deeply before sliding off of the motorcycle and pressing her boots against the dirt.

Adeline looked around at the empty fields, avoiding one in particular as she took notice of the few walkers that lingered around the farmhouse. She curled her hand around her machete, ignoring Daryls curious eyes as she made her way over to the nearest walker and sent her foot into its leg before roaring the sharp blade into its mushy skull once it tumbled to its knees. The stalker fell dead, her eyes finally meeting his own as she turned back around.

"You coming?" Adeline questioned, motioning towards the shed that was dangerously close to the field her husbands body resided in. Daryl nodded reluctantly, pressing the hilt of his crossbow against his shoulder before shooting an arrow into a walker that stumbled over to the two of them.

Following in her step, the silence that overcame them became filled with tension. He watched as she pulled the wooden door open without a word and looked up at the ladder that led up to the rafters. Adeline slid her machete back into its sheath before pulling herself up the structure and pressing her knees against the wooden floorboards.

Looking up, her figure became invisible and the silence became worrisome as Daryl threw his crossbow back over his shoulder - "You alright?" He yelled out, eyeing the ladder as he waited for an answer. Receiving none, he grunted before grabbing the ladders steps and pulling himself up after her. "You hear me?"

The redneck stopped at the sight before him, keeping his elbows pressed against the floorboards and his boots on the ladders steps. Adeline sat quietly in front of the open rafter, her eyes glued to the field next to the shed they were in. Daryl took notice of the tears that threatened to pour out of her eyes, a sympathetic feeling wavering over himself as he sighed deeply and finished pulling himself up the ladder to near the widow.

Carefully, he wrapped his hand around Adelines shoulder and pulled her away from the open window. "Come on." Daryl insisted, releasing his hold on her as she nodded slowly and rubbed at her eyes before moving away from the window and flinging a wool blanket off of the rafters.

Her movement revealed a duffle bag, filled to the brim with bottles, formula, diapers, and wipes. Adeline grabbed it, fingers curling around the straps as she handed it to the man next to her before climbing down the ladder. Holding her hands up - without any words spoken, Daryl carefully tossed the bag down to her before climbing down himself and meeting her at the ground.

Adeline held the bag tightly in her hands, stepping towards the open door until her eyes caught sight of something that made her stop in her steps. A shovel sat perched against the wall, hanging tauntingly. Looking back at Daryl, she took notice of the soft nod he sent her way - "Thank you." Adeline whispered, handing him the duffle bag before curling her hands around the wooden handle of the shovel and stepping out of the shed.

Silence followed her as the tall weeds brushed against her jeans, a blood stained hand running through her hair as she neared the unfortunately familiar place. Adelines eyes searched the field, landing on the spot that stained memories in her nightmares. Her heart pounded harshly in her chest, eyes casting down as she stepped over the weeds and neared the body that never had the chance to be buried.

When caramel eyes clashed with the rotting decay of her husbands body, a gasp of disbelief and fear puffed out of her chapped lips as the shovel tumbled out of her hands and her knees gave in underneath her. Adeline felt the warm tears well up in her eyes, searching for any sign of familiarity in the body. The only thing she could point out as his was the clothes he wore.

The figure slowly became one she never wanted to see, a choked sob leaving her lips as her eyes landed on his left hand. The gold metal from his wedding band caused a tear to trail down her cheek, trembling hands sliding the ring off of the decaying hand. Adeline tore her eyes away from what remained of his body, the sound of footsteps nearing her resulting in her teary eyes looking up to meet the body of Daryl Dixon.

"Come on," He instructed, stepping over the decaying body. "There ain't nothing left for you here." His voice was soft and careful, hands wrapping around her wrist to pull her up from the dirt ground. Adeline faltered at his touch, her body crumbling like paper into his as she curled her arms around his waist and pressed her head against his chest.

The sound of his beating heart calmed her nerves, a harsh wave of relief clashing into her mind. Daryl kept his arms at his side before his tense shoulders relaxed, wrapping his own around her back. One of his hands found its way under her tangled hair, squeezing the back of her neck assuringly before she let go of him and kept her stare away from the ground.

The warmth of her body against his own was gone within a second, his eyes glancing down at what remained of Shane Walsh. The wool blanket from inside of the shed was held in his other hand, respectfully laying it over the man's body before following after Adeline who decided that getting as far away from the field was the best thing for her to do.

Sighing deeply, she eyed the white steps that led up to Hershels farmhouse. Tiredly, she sat against the chipped paint and rested her head in her hands. Familiar footsteps flooded through her ears, Daryl taking the spot next to her while he fiddled with his fingers and watched as she tucked Shanes wedding band in her back pocket before turning to the redneck. "Thank you."

He shrugged his shoulders, "You ain't gotta." Daryl assured the widow with a raspy voice. "But you have to stop with the bullshit, Adeline." He instructed, keeping his eyes on her as she furrowed her brows and looked to him with pure confusion. "Back at the prison, you said that the only reason you're still here is to keep that baby and your nephew alive. That's bullshit. You care about those people more than you do your own self."

The widow turned away from him and looked down at the wooden steps underneath the two of them. "Can you promise me something, Dixon?" Adeline questioned, tucking her hair behind her ears before reluctantly meeting his curious eyes once again. "If there's ever a situation where you have to make a choice of who to save; promise that you'll never pick me."

Daryl picked at the weeds that had grown through the boards that made the stairs, fiddling with the stem in his hands before tossing it to the ground. He shook his head at her request, "No."