It was pretty cold that particular January morning, and I felt like having a cigarette or two while I (and two of my companions, Abby and Di) waited for you to arrive on the driveway of the hotel where we were staying. I was invited to cover an event in Laguna then and apparently, the most convenient way for me to get there is by going along with you on your car. So, in order for me to keep my cool that morning, I took a pack of menthols from my scarred brown purse, lit up a stick, and felt more alive than ever.

After having a couple of drags from my nicotine stick, a black car stopped right in front of us. You rolled down your window and told us to hop in. I took one long drag off of my cigarette before ticking it off to the ground. When I lifted my head, that’s when our eyes met. I actually didn’t know at that time that I was staring into the eyes of a future regret.

Sandwiched between two of my companions, I tried to make myself comfortable on the backseat of your vehicle, even if we were already too squeezed in, in there. It kind of felt weird to be in a place where strangers are not properly introduced to each other.

Two of my companions have been working with you for months now but they didn’t bother at all in telling you my name. I, on the other hand, know you already by your first name. 

You by Candlebox was playing on the car stereo when you finally broke the ice and initiated a conversation between us.

“Jesus! I just quit smoking this morning and I have no fucking idea if I can still last another day. Fuck this purge!”

I’m guessing that these were the exact words that you have blurted out to strike a conversation with me for the first time. It was kind of weird of me to feel unsure of what to say then when I’m usually pretty talkative around people that I know of. I actually do not know the reason why, but having you there together with three other folks, made me feel quite intimidated by your presence in that rather awkward situation.

Knowing that I’m always a rebel and that I hate adhering to rules, I figured that the best comeback I have for someone who just gave up on something so bad, yet so addictive, is to make a tempting offer he can’t refuse.

“Uh, I actually have three packs of cigarettes in my bag. Would you want to have some?”

From your reflection in the rear view mirror, I had a glimpse of that sweet smile of yours and a glimmer in your eyes upon hearing my question.   

“Good Lord! Hallelujah! Let’s smoke them later then.”

I knew right then and there that you won’t be able to decline such an offer. There’s something about the clear conviction in your voice that tells me you know darn well what you want in life and that you ought to have it. Bad habits are truly hard to break, I know. And that’s me speaking from my own experience after breaking my own self-made promises. 

Anyway,  I have a confession to make. Listen. That road trip we had then going to Laguna? I’m not sure if you’re even aware of this, but do you know that that wasn’t the first time that we have met? 

Truth be told, we’ve been into the same room twice prior to this meeting. During both times, we were both caught up in what we were doing—you, attending to guests, while I was too engrossed in an article that I was writing. I remember seeing you in those two events, but I’m pretty damn sure you never took notice of me back then. You never knew I existed.

Fast forward to that car ride and who would have thought that that particular meeting would lead us to places unknown.