~ trigger warning: mentions of suicide ~

If I didn't marry anyone then Coeus wouldn't be able to make the military alliance that they wanted.

If I was gone, all would be well.

Those were the thoughts that raced through my mind as I hoisted myself over the railing of the hardwood bridge. The hem of my dress caught on one of the cracks in the wooden beams and I hastily tugged at it, causing a large tear to form throughout the soft fabric.

As I moved along the small platform beyond the railing, I clutched at the wooden rails to keep myself from blowing away in the heavy wind. It was less than a meter that I had to stand on, less than a meter keeping me from plummeting to my death. And yet, wasn't that exactly what I wanted?

With a deep breath that barely made it out of my throat with my body shivering in the freezing rain and the sobs still wracking my shoulders, I turned to look down at the abyss below. My arms grasped tightly at the horizontal wooden beam behind me as I took in the ravaging water ripping through the valley far under the bridge. One step and that violent current would take me out in an instant in this storm. One step and it would all be over.

I had to have courage to do this, build it up in my chest to be able to take that step. I thought of all the Princes that I had come to have feelings for. If I married any of them, they would all have to fight in a war that would have countless of casualties. I would be putting everyone in danger just by surviving. None of them deserved that. The world didn't deserve that.

Micah had had enough courage to do it, so why couldn't I?

Every part of me was shaking as I stared down at what lay below. I was crying my soul out, getting weaker and weaker with each passing moment. The rain pounding down onto my face mixed with my tears and drenched my whole body. Pretty soon it would become easier to fall than to keep holding on.

My mind wandered to when I was staring into the dark abyss of that well the night I met Yoongi. It had seemed so enticing to drop into then and now the threatening river was starting to become similar in that way.

"Milou!"

I was imagining his voice calling out to me in the distance, caring for my safety just like the first day we met.

But the shouting kept ringing out over the deafening sound of thunder and it was coming closer and closer.

"Milou!", the cries were desperate beyond belief and when it sounded out nearly beside me, it broke in raspiness and despair.

My head trembled as it turned to see who was on the bridge. Just a few feet away Yoongi stood frozen, drenched in the rain and his eyes wide in horror.

"Milou...", it took him a moment to process what I was doing, but when he did he stepped further towards me, "Milou, get away from the ledge."

I shook my head as I sobbed, my hands slippery and unstable against the railing.

"Milou- please", I had never heard him so desperate, plain fear reflected in his eyes, "You don't want to do this- I know things couldn't be worse, but you don't want to do this!"

"You don't understand, Yoongi!", I screamed back over the sounds of the storm.

"I do, Milou, and please trust me- you don't want to do this!", he almost wailed and dared to take another step towards me.

"Yoongi, you really don't understand", I cried back, "If I live, there will be a war."

"What are you-", he looked confused for a split second, but his expression changed straight back to anguish, "Milou, it doesn't matter. Please, please, please come back over the railing."

"It does matter!", I yelled back at him in pain, "Yoongi, there will be a war! A war that could get all of you killed and it would be my fault!"

"I... How?", he was close now and I could see his confusion clearly, "E-even if that's true, there's nothing that should send you over this ledge."

He was right behind me now, his hands placed tentatively on the railing and everything in his soul pleaded me to come back to him.

"But, Yoongi...", my own voice broke and my gaze went back to the abyss beneath me. Could I really let go now?

"I beg of you, Milou, please don't do this", one of his hands carefully placed itself on top of my trembling one, "I've always kept my promises to you and I promise you that whatever is making you do this, war or not, can be resolved. We can do this together."

I let my eyes meet his truthful ones and knew that he wouldn't let me down. But would it be selfish if I climbed back over to safety? Would I become the cause of countless deaths?

His next words made all those thoughts crumble however.

"I need you", he rasped out in desperation and if it weren't for the rain running down his face I would have been able to see the tears.

"Yoongi...", I carefully turned my body around so I could fully face him, the broad rail the only thing standing between us.

I took one last glance at the dark river before trying to hoist myself up the railing again. His hands held at my arms as I dared my first step up. Though, as my foot met the slippery surface of the soddened wood with the fabric of my dress over top, it immediately made me fall backwards.

In an instant all I could see was Yoongi's horrified expression as I slipped through his grasp and lost footing on all that was beneath my feet. I screamed as I dropped, expecting to plummet to my death. But instead of hitting the water, all I felt was a tight hold around my wrist.

When I opened my eyes that had been squozen shut in fear, I realized I was dangling from the bridge by Yoongi's mere grasp. He was leaning far over the railing, but had his legs secured into the beams so he wouldn't fall.

Wind was nipping at us and making it difficult to hold on as I dangled over my death. There was no way Yoongi could pull me back up to safety with just one arm and his other arm still hadn't recovered from the wound to his shoulder.

And it was surprising, because that's when I wanted nothing more than to live.

That same determination sparked up in Yoongi's eyes and it seemed like a fire lit up inside him as he stared down at my helpless form. His injured arm stretched itself down towards my wrist to where his other hand held and added to the grip. His face contorted in pain as he used every ounce of strength in both of his arms and tried to pull me back up onto the bridge.

And I was rising, up to safety, up to life again. When my feet found their way to the wooden platform, I climbed over the railing to Yoongi without hesitation. Despite being in pain, his arms engulfed me the tightest they ever had, embracing me in a way that showed he never wanted to let go.

"Don't ever, ever, ever do that again, dumbass", he choked out into my wet hair that he nuzzled his face into.

I laughed out a little as I cried in his arms, trembling with a million emotions, "You always pick the worst moments to insult me."

"You are so so stupid", he croaked and I could finally tell he was crying as he brushed through my hair with his shaking hand.

I didn't deserve him, but I never wanted to let him go.

On the way to the palace in the storm, I tried to explain everything I had come to learn through Micah's letter to Yoongi. He gripped my hand tightly, listening intently as we hurried through the rain. I could tell he became as distraught about it as I was, but masked up most of his frustration in order to keep me calm.

When we finally reached the castle grounds, we snuck through the back of the gardens along the same path I had escaped with. I didn't know how I would get back into my room without any of the guards or servants noticing, but that almost seemed trivial at this point.

"Yoongi...", I hesitated and slowed as we neared one of the back entrances, "I don't think I can go back to my room..."

His eyes found mine for a moment and he immediately registered my feelings with an apologetic expression, "You shouldn't be alone. Not when things are like this. I understand."

With that in mind, he continued pulling me towards the wing of the palace that the Princes stayed in. As soon as we stepped through one of the unguarded entrances, he started leading me up a winding staircase that I supposed would lead to the hallways where their rooms were located. At the top of that staircase we were immediately stopped by a form however. Before I could comprehend who it was, they flung themselves at me, arms wrapping around me and separating me from Yoongi's hold.

"Milou!", Jimin's worried voice sounded out in my ear, "Oh my gods, are you alright? Yoongi said that you- He went after you but- Milou..."

He couldn't finish his sentences and his breathing was heavy in my neck as his hold on me tightened. My eyes went to Yoongi, who looked just as surprised as I was.

"I-I'm okay", was all I could stutter out as a response, "I'm alive."

"Milou...", he repeated my name in the same longing tone as before and I felt myself melt into his arms.

"I hate to interrupt, but if Milou gets caught out of her room here it won't end very well", Yoongi interjected and placed a hand against Jimin's shoulder to separate him from me.

Jimin slowly released me from his grasp upon hearing that, but still gazed down at me in concern.

"Won't she be in trouble if she stays here for the night?", he then turned to Yoongi.

"She shouldn't be alone", was what he merely countered.

With a small nod, Jimin looked back at me, "You can stay in my room if you want."

"I...", my lips parted.

"Jimin-", Yoongi started to protest.

"I'll sleep on the couch, it's fine, I promise", he quickly added.

Yoongi looked like he wanted to object once more, but I was far too fatigued to have any more conversation about it.

"Okay", I gave in quietly before looking at the elder again, "Is your arm alright, Yoongi?"

"It'll be better", he answered, rubbing along his sore injury, "At least I know I can use it if it comes down to it."

After giving Yoongi another tight squeeze, because in the end I owed him everything, he had saved my life after all, I followed Jimin down the hall. Any inhibitions I would have usually had, had long left me, the horrible events of the day weighing down on me with every step. Jimin took note of that and didn't say a word as he laid out some clothes for me to wear and made sure the bed was tidy.

I slipped into the bathroom to change and when I came out Jimin was seated with a blanket on the couch.

"I don't want to keep you up", he spoke softly, gesturing to the bed, "I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now..."

I made my way to the bed and hoisted myself up and under the covers exhaustedly. My eyes stung from all the crying, my throat burned from the yelling and I must have been coming down with a cold from being out in the freezing storm. Maybe things would seem better in the morning, but I had my doubts.

In the dim candlelight from the corner of the room I spared another glance at Jimin and realized he was still sitting frozen on the couch. His gaze was fixed on me and his expression read with emotions I had no idea how to pinpoint. If it were any other day I would have asked him about it, but now all I could do was lean back and let my heavy eyelids flutter shut.

"Good night, Jimin", I croaked out gently.

"Good night", he whispered back as I slowly drifted off. Maybe it was my imagination, but after some rustling and footsteps I felt warm breath on my face, followed by the sensation of plush lips against the skin of my forehead. It didn't take me long to fall asleep after that.

At some point in the night I briefly woke up to the sound of rushing water, most likely the bathtub being filled, which disconcerted me for a few moments, but I drifted off quickly again in my state and didn't think about it anymore. I was just thankful I wasn't alone.

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