"We send the lightest first."

Trying to call out to her magic in the secrecy of her own mind only to hear nothing reply to her was a haunting experience that would scar her for the rest of her days, it was something that she hadn't expected to feel like this, like her whole body was being crushed with her own strife and grief. And every step that Nymeria took made her tremble, from the tips of her toes to the hair on her head, an aching blister that boiled her blood and cracked her bones until she felt like she was breathing in nothing but ash and disease from the very forest that was maiming her from the inside out.

It had been a few days since she'd taken a step onto the Elven soil, days before she'd made the whole of middle-earth shake with the devastation of her red chaos as it parted from her without so much as a farewell. Well, that wasn't quite true, it hadn't left her, not completely, not at all, she could still feel it's heat coiling in her stomach like a band pulled taunt and ready to snap only never getting to that state of completion, like she was falling and falling and falling from the sky with no end in sight, just a continuous plunge into the abyss where darkness would finally claim her.

And the faè didn't know which was more infuriating, the fact she knew her chaos was there, unreachable and unresponsive, buried with ruins that made her ache so completely she kept forgetting her own bastard name, shoulders sagging with the weight of the darkness of the forest as it rested upon her, pushing her further and further into the fiery pits that awaited her below...or the fact that the dwarves just kept staring at her like she was about to expire any moment now, with her hobbit curled at her side, pretending to be scared for her own sake while she leaned against him just slightly and the company's eyes watching her every move.

It was frustrating, it was pathetic, it was extremely annoying...and worst of all she was pretty sure it was needed because she had never felt weaker in her life, not just because her chaos was no longer clinging to her skin in a deadly embrace full of promise, but because it seemed that everything inside her was withering up like a flying flower, rotting and decaying inside her until its petals turned black and threatned to choke her on its crumbling dust which would honestly be a better fate than living with this grief...she didn't know how other creatures lived like this, painfully aware of their every breath, it was pushing her to the edge on insanity.

But...it seemed like she wasn't the only one in that regard, because the longer they spent in the forest, the more on edge the dwarves seemed to be, she could see it, the way their hands hovered over their weapons, the way Fili and Kili and even Bofur seemed to cling to her back like they were protecting her from the looming eyes of the trees, could hear it in the way they were quicker to snap at each other with tongues dipped in venom and cruelty.

Everything about the forest just felt wrong, almost hateful as it thickened the air and made them all choke of their own violation, filling their lungs with rot and something vile until the tension was pulled taunt and bloodied. They'd barely even been in the haunting graveyard of trees for long, and already Nymeria could feel the cold crusps of insanity claw at her as she walked across the soil, barely lifting her gaze up and just focusing on keeping one foot in front of the other as she leaned further and further against Bilbo who shouldered her weight the best he could without complaint.

Her sleep was laced with nightmares, even more so that usual when she'd wake with a gasp on her lips and a sob in her throat, seeing his face in the rough bark of the trees, in the reflection of the water, in the dwarves face when she'd eventually lift her head to see where they were going. She could even hear his voice in the wind, howling as it curled over her ears like a loving whisper hiding secret intentions of greed, burning her skin with his empty promises that only brought her grief.

It was draining them all, minutes seemed to blur into hours until the faè couldn't even say for sure how long they'd actually been inside the forest hold, a certain numbness in her veins, in all of their veins as their faces grew paler, more gaunt and their eyes flickering with dangerous paranoia and fear. She didn't know what was happening, didn't know why the forest seemed to be affecting them so...but what she did know, was that they had to find their way out of it and soon...or she feared that they would never be free of its clutches.

"We found the bridge!"

The bridge, the bridge, ah the bridge, her memory appeared slowly, finally remembering that that was all the king under the mountain had been muttering about on their journey, finding some bastard bridge that she was assuming was some kind of land mark, a hope that they were almost at the end, that they were almost safe and she could finally breathe without her whole body erupting in pain. She felt Bilbo tighten his hold around her waist as he picked up the pace, with her trying not to audibly grunt in pain as she limped beside him, the thought of relief heavy on her shoulders as they came around the corner quickly.

However, such hope was quickly distinguished like burning embers on a storming night when she seen the state of the rotting wood, and the large gap that showcased the murky waters below, and Nymeria didn't need her magic to be able to feel the darkness inside it, a venemous feeling thing that seemed to hook into her skin, wanting to pull her close, pull her under as something unnatural began to whisper in her ears, and her back beginning to twist again with agonising phantom spasms of a weight that was once there.

"We could try and swim it."

"If you think for a moment that I'm getting in that water, then you're short of a few marbles." The faè muttered, looking over to Bofur with disgust on her features as he shrugged back at her, he, himself not looking that keen on such an idea but just throwing it out into the open when it appeared that no one else was going to say anything other than staring at the broken bridge that no one was going to be able to cross by merely jumping or something like that. However, just as he opened his mouth to reply to her that it was just a suggestion, and that if such a thing came down to it they'd carry her, he was interrupted by Thorin's glare as he stepped forward.

"She's right. Didn't you hear what Gandalf said? A dark magic lies upon this forest, the waters of this stream are enchanted." He said, voice practically rumbling in his chest like thunder in the grey skies as he looked over towards the bridge, a muscle in his jaw jumping in frustration as he muttered to the others to start looking for another way around, all of them dispersing but never straying too far from the others, not daring to lose one another in the forest that seemed to grow darker by the moment.

"If Nymeria had her magic-"

"If I had my magic this journey would of been over before it had begun when I'd set this bastard forest alight, but I don't, Kili. So we'll have to figure out another way around it." Nymeria was quick to snap furiously, glaring over to the dark-haired prince with rage curling in her gut like a winding snake, feeling all sorts of wrong and hateful and most viciously, scared, now that she didn't have such things to fall back on, trying desperately not to look as wounded as she felt at the reminder that she was next to useless, defenceless and absolutely worthless while she didn't have her ever ruining chaos to ease her suffering.

"Well, someone woke on the wrong side of the bed-"

"I'd watch your tongue lest you want me to rip it from your mouth-" Honestly, the faè didn't know what was wrong with her, why she was suddenly so angry at the world, at the dwarves as their features kept flickering between their own and his, her whole body trembling in an effort to contain her as she bared her teeth and snarled. It felt as though she was right back where she started, back in the Shire with her hobbit, seeing them for the first time and unable to control her grief and just wanting to make them hurt like she was. However, before she could complete her threat, a voice interrupted her, an unfortunately familar voice as they all turned to look.

"These vines look strong enough!"

Fili shouted over af them all, not even hearing the arguments taking place as he pulled at the thick tendrils with his brows furrowed, narrowing his gaze as he leaned his weight against it, barely able to hear it even creak under the pressure. And yet, just as he was about to risk another step, Thorin suddenly yelled his name and stopped him in his tracks, shaking his head as he looked up at his nephew who almost forgot himself for half a moment and scowled. "We send the lightest first."

And then, ever so slowly, the company looked over towards Bilbo who was still fussing over Nymeria, gently pushing her hair away from her face when she'd curled in on herself to heave, muttering quietly under his breath in worry...before he registered just what the king under the mountain was implying and felt his face drop, turning on his heel to glare up at them with a rather tired face that didn't even hold the depth of his contempt, but then there was a hand against his shoulder, and he glanced up to see Nymeria trying to stand straight, smiling down at him reassuringly. "Don't worry yourself, my dear hobbit, I'll go-"

"You can barely stand on your own feet. Don't be so ridiculous in your desire to protect the halfling that you forget your own needs, again." Fili snapped, and everyone seemed to freeze as they slowly looked at him with various expressions of shock that it was him that had spoke to the faè in such a way, his voice holding a certain scorn, a certain roughness that usually wasn't there. And then, quicker than a blink, he quickly seemed to realise just what he'd said as his face lost its sudden sharpness, climbing down the trunk to move towards her, though not getting far as Bilbo, rather uselessly, stepped in front of her protectively while looking very cross indeed.

And though the dwarf could of easily moved him, forced him to step aside so he could get to Nymeria and apologise for that vileness that had taken over him like a disease, he didn't, respecting the distance the halfling had placed between them, protecting his friend just like she always did to him. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean that, amrâlimê. Forgive me, I don't know what came over me...but I don't think it's a good idea for you to go first, you're going to need help getting across and none of us will be able to do so if you're in front."

She looked at him darkly, a certain glare in her crimson eyes that spoke of damning things without her lips even having to open as the company watched them like it was a battle, their heads constantly flipping between the two and awaiting something, only to be disappointed when she simply nodded her head with a quiet hum of consideration. "Fine. I suppose you have a point."

Fili released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, his mind still clouded with thoughts that didn't even feel like his own, full of darkness and something worse as he bowed his head at her slightly, a barely there smile curling at his lips as he offered her his arm, awaiting her to place her hand in the crook of it so he could help just like he wanted to do...but she pretended like she didn't even see him as she glanced to the side with a grin that was nothing short of devilish, knowing exactly what she was doing and relishing in the chaos. "Bofur? Would you be a dear and help me across? I'll even buy you a new hat for your troubles."

"Course lass, happy to help." The dwarf said cheerfully, not quite realising what he was accepting as she took his arm and smiled down at him...well, he didn't realise at first, not until he felt someone glaring daggers into the side of his head and realised that it was Fili, forcing his own grin to quickly drop as he gulped, quickly facing away to watch the hobbit struggle to get across the vines, before he finally reached the end, and the rest soon followed, with Nymeria practically being carried from dwarf to dwarf in the effort to help her, which only made her extremely frustrated indeed as she tried her best to swallow her tongue.

And wondering why she felt like from here...it was only going to get worse.
________________________________________________

As it turned out, her gut feeling was most definitely right as the day, the night, the possible week stretched on like time was a simple slave to the ominous forest that only grew darker by the moment, not even knowing of they were on the right path after Thorin had stumbled off and the rest had followed them, making her skin feel alight with something blistering and all consuming, burning her from the inside out as she limped along weakly, looking more and more gaunt with every minute, feeling like she just wanted to lay upon the Elven soil and finally let the earth take her in its succumbing embrace.

However, that feat was rather impossible considering it seemed that Bilbo was watching her every move, never straying too far away from her as she limbered along with the rest of them, pushing away their helpful hands with venom being spat left and right, her whole body trembling, shaking as it turned against her at the worst time it could as they walked over long twisting vines, steep hills, soggy mud that clung to her feet, just going on and on and on, never ending as the pressure began to push down on her chest until she could barely even breathe without gasping as everything just became tight.

The tension kept building, mounting around them, leaving them all on the edge of exploding as time passed around them, snapping at each other like ravenous wolves over a rotting carcass, loyalties long forgotten as something wrong took hold. They were lost, they all knew it, and it was only a matter of time before they all snapped...and that just so happened to be after Bilbo ranted to the rest of the Company about them being lost, with Nymeria right behind him glaring at anyone that said so differently...and just like that, everyone was going for each others throats as their vile arguments escalated.

"Well, maybe if she had her magic, we wouldn't even be lost in the first place." Dori spat, pointing a thick finger over to the faè who was still struggling to stand on her own two feet, but as his words, she found some strength induced by nothing but pure spite to snarl at him like a feral animal, a flash of dangerous teeth promising a bloodbath as she glared at him, her lips peeling open to snap something just as cruel as her hobbit slipped away from her without her knowing...only to be interrupted by Fili coming out of nowhere to shove at his fellow dwarf enraged.

"Don't speak to her like that!"

"Stop speaking for me! I can look after myself dwarf!" Nymeria hissed darkly, risking a step towards him and thanking whatever higher force that was pulling at their insanity that she didn't fall, her flickering gaze sparkling with a hint of red chaos searing into his very soul as he turned around to stare at her, his brows set in a heavy frown of offence while Dori was pulled into another argument behind him, their voices colliding and piling up on one another until it was just one continuous loud noise.

But Fili didn't spare the others a glance, unable to tear his eyes away from the faè who entrapped his heart like it was a mere game, without any effort, without even trying as he fell far quicker than he had hoped he would for his one...his one who sometimes seemed like she'd rather tear his throat out with her bare hands than simply look at him like he was something worth looking at in her ever cruel indifference. "Aye, you're really good at that. Since this journey has begun you're the one who's been bloodied and bruised, brushing with death-"

"To protect the rest of you. I can take any pain as long as it has meaning." Better than he or anyone else would ever know, the agony of betrayal, of finding the one she once thought belonged to her being nothing more than a creature consumed by greed, waking up on a storming night with holes gorged into her back, bones snapped in two through her shoulders, an ache between her legs, drifting through her every vein until she was screaming into the heavens with blood in her mouth and chaos in her hands. She lived pain, breathed it, died in it, and it would always be a part of her like a phantom limb.

Of course, however, Fili didn't see it that way, how could he? He didn't know of her past, didn't know of her turmoil every time she tried to look at him only to have his features blur with memories of the past. Didn't know how hard it was for her to admit her affection when she was still ruined by what had happened to her, the wounds that had made her reopening with every mere brush of his skin against hers as want and desire took over. How could neither of them see that they wanted the same thing? "You don't have to! I would gladly hold that burden-"

"And perhaps I don't want you to. Did you ever think of that? I am far more powerful than you-"

"But you are not all powerful. You could die-"

The reminder of her mortality pulled at something deep in her gut, something she never had wanted to think about, something she never had until she had placed her heart in the wrong hands just to watch as he crushed it. Faè were immortal, they were beings of old untouched by time or human emotion, gifted with abilities that most would only dream of...so what happened to faè when they were no longer faè? Was death awaiting her now more than ever? Was she being buried in the sands of time, being suffocated without her knowing? Was she ever going to find out?

Question upon question mounted inside her as fear maimed her from the inside out, her fingers trembling as she tightened her hands into tight fists and clenched her eyes shut, not daring to look at him, to look at any of them as her voice rose over them all and silenced them with her absolute fury that shook the earth. "So what if I die! Don't pretend that it matters to you, Bróinn. You're the reason-"

"Who in the seven hells is Bróinn?"

Nymeria froze, her blood running cold inside her prison of flesh as that name, his name washed over her like a ghost walking right through her. It had been years since she uttered it, years since she'd heard it, and yet his affect on her was the same as it had been the night he killed whatever was left of the girl who'd wanted to heal the world...only to become the abomination who wanted to condemn it. And then her gaze snapped open, the devastation inside them stealing the companys breath for half a second, before she turned her back and stormed away like a hoard of orcs were chasing after her.

"And where are you going?"

"I'm going to find a different path!" She yelled over her shoulder, her voice shaking something fierce as she limped away...and the moment she was out of view, she crumbled in on herself like a falling star about to collapse into the cosmos, sobbing into the palm of her hands as flashback after flashback rushed to add to her turmoil, remembering his smile, his awe when she'd healed him anew, the gifts he'd make for her with an almost bashful grin, but then they'd turn darker, falling back to the way he just kept taking more and more from her, the way his fingers would dance over her wings asking questions that she didn't hear the warning of until it was too late, and then the night, that night.

The faè sat there for minutee, with only the looming trees to bare witness to her strife and mourning...before she realised the sudden silence of the forest, the way that the air seemed so still, and the way she could feel eyes feasting upon her flesh with salivating hunger, getting closer and closer as she slowly lifted her head...and then something sharp was plunged into her neck, and everything went black.