aaaaand yup, I made another trailer again. This time, for Creatures of the Night! and yeah, I used some of the same clips for the one I made for this book because finding good copyright-free clips for fantasy books is really hard hahah 

https://youtu.be/Cb5KOqRRCv0

25.

Elias isn't hard to find. Though the path he took seems barely touched, there's only one direction he could've gone—up. It's a slow and gradual incline until the last couple meters, where it's a hands-and-knees clambering situation. I brush my hands on my pants once I reach the top. There are barely any trees, and those that are here are thin and spindly. Amongst the shrub, Elias sits with his back to me, surveying the surroundings below. He doesn't acknowledge me as I walk over to him, even though he knows I'm there. I sit down a few feet away and turn to face him, holding out the remains of the rabbit.

"You know," I start, "somebody once told me that starving yourself doesn't solve your problems."

"You should listen to the other things they say," he says. "They sound very wise."

"Oh, they are. But if they don't take this rabbit, they're also a hypocrite."

He half-smiles, taking the rabbit from me. "Thanks."

The sun peeks through the mountains in the distance, casting shadows across the tops of the trees. I lean back on my hands and close my eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin, the smell of the air. Over on the coast, the air felt thicker somehow. Here, so close to the mountains, there's a sharp bite to the air that I missed. It hasn't been long since we were back here, but everything feels so different. And even if we have to go home and prepare for an attack, we have Elias back. That's so much more than what we left with.

"Malik and Cassia went to get water," I say.

He eyes the smoke swirling from our fire below. It isn't dark yet, but it's still a signal to anyone close enough to our exact location. "Once they're back, we should probably get moving."

"How do you feel?" I ask. "About going back?"

"I quite liked Cassia's idea, actually."

"Me too." I lie back and stare at the sky. Elias looks down at me, the tips of his hair burning copper. "Just imagine a nice, warm bath, clean sheets, a bed."

"The weather's warming, we could go swimming in the lakes in the mountains," Elias suggests.

"And maybe while we're there, we could visit Malik's village too. It's over that way, right?"

He nods. "His village is very beautiful in the spring. There are meadows close by filled with wildflowers."

I don't usually entertain such peaceful ideas. Dreaming of a future that is so uncertain seems dangerous. I always thought hope was the fuel that keeps you going, but I'm starting to wonder if it's actually a fire that eventually fizzles out and leaves nothing but ash. But sitting next to Elias on the hill, I allow myself to imagine a world where we really can go back and do these harmless tasks. Not one where we have to go and plan for an attack.

"You could learn to read, I could sketch," Elias continues. "No more enforcing lockdowns, no more looking at maps or making plans and life or death decisions."

His eyes dance, alight with joy at the thought of such a world. I sit up, edging closer. I'm here imagining a world where we aren't at war, but it seems like his fantasy is much bigger than the war we're facing. "Elias," I murmur, "why do you lead the village?"

"What?"

"Why do you lead the village?"

"Because I'm strong. I can protect our people and they trust me to make good decisions."

"That's all?"

He tilts his head sideways, curious. "You don't think I'm a good leader?"

"That's not what I'm saying." I shift closer, putting my hand over his, his body tensing. "Elias, you just listed all these reasons but not one of them had anything to do with you wanting to be a leader."

His eyes linger on my hand over his before drifting back to my face, but he doesn't move away. "I never chose to be a leader, that's no secret."

"So why are you?"

"Sometimes life chooses for you."

He turns his head, looking back out over the treetops. There's nothing for me to say, but my heart aches with him. I've always felt like my life was never mine, it was plotted out for me by somebody I didn't even know. All my decisions were made for me, and reclaiming my life and autonomy has been one of the hardest things I've done. But Elias doesn't have the liberty to do so. He may not like being a leader, but he cares about each and every one of those villagers, and they need him now more than ever. He could never just walk away.

"I got something for you," Elias says, turning something over in his hands. "I didn't know if I should give it to you, but... here."

He places it in my palm. I frown, brushing my fingers over it. It's old wood, sharp at the end from being broken. "What is..." I turn it over, my throat tightening. The etched letters, F+M, so small I almost missed them.

"Elias, I..." My eyes prickle. "I... how..."

"I saw you staring at it down there," he murmurs, "figured it was important to you."

"It is." I clutch it tightly to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut, my heart hammering. When I open my eyes, Elias is looking down at me, his face troubled. "Is this why you didn't come out of the tunnels when you were supposed to?"

"That bed frame was harder to break than I thought," he admits.

"Elias, that was—"

"Incredibly stupid, I know."

"I was going to say not very well-thought-out, but stupid works too," I agree, looking up at him with blurry eyes. "Sounds like something I would do."

"I'm starting to think those are the best kinds of things to do." There's a warmth to his eyes when he looks at me, a comfort that makes me never want to look away.

I half-laugh, trying to keep myself from crying. "Sorry. I just... you don't know how much this means to me."

"Did you do it?"

"Me and Flo, we were always scared someone would find it and tell us off." I laugh, but it sounds empty. "Sometimes I forget that she isn't here anymore."

"She is here," Elias says, "she's with you, always."

I blink up at him. "You think so?"

"The dead never truly leave us."

I clutch it tighter and stare out at the trees. Sometimes I think I hear her in the air, like when I'm in the shifter village and I hear a laugh, but I turn the corner and there's no one. Charles would've told me it was all in my head, but I like Elias' version much more.

"Milena," Elias says, "I've been thinking and... and I think you should go to Malik's village."

I sigh. This is what I expected coming up here—a speech about why I should be somewhere safe. "Elias, I know you want to protect us, but I'm not running away from this."

"I know," he says, "that's not what I meant. When all of this is over and the hollowers and Cynthia aren't a threat anymore, I think you should go with him."

"W-what?"

"He told me he invited you to his village. I'm saying you should go."

My mouth feels dry. I clutch the wood to my chest as if it can somehow protect me from the stab of hurt his words deliver. "You want me to... leave?"

He doesn't say anything for a few moments, staring at me with a pained expression. Eventually, he sighs and turns back to looking at the landscape.

"What I want is... it's complicated."

"So explain it to me."

"I was with the hollowers for three months, Milena," he starts. "And they hollowed me for three months. Do you remember when I told you that our reality becomes distorted?"

"You have visions, and you don't know that they're not real," I say.

He nods. "I've watched you die a hundred deaths. I've watched you suffocate on smoke, I've watched your entire body burn until you were nothing but ash. I've heard your screams and I've been to your funeral. I've killed you one hundred times in my mind. And when I woke up on the coast and saw you hanging over me, alive and unharmed, my first instinct was to hold you close. My second was to get as far away from you as possible."

I stare at him, my heart aching for what he experienced. I reach forward and put my hand over his. "You don't want to hurt me. I know that."

"I don't want to but I do. No matter what, I always do." He tightens his grip on my hand. I want to argue with him, to tell him that what he did to my arm doesn't mean anything to me, but Elias isn't only talking about the physical pain he's inflicted on me.

"I want you to be happy," he says, staring at the side of my face. "Malik cares about you; he's a good man. His village is really beautiful, the people are welcoming. There's that beautiful meadow I told you about. I think you'd like it. It's a fresh start, Milena." He searches my eyes. "Just consider it."

I stare at the ground, the way the tree roots protrude through the earth, uprooted again and again, just like me. I shove to my feet, dropping his hand and clutching the wooden piece tightly in my hand. "We should probably get going."

He grabs my arm when I start down the hill. "Milena." His eyes bare into mine. "You see, even now, I hurt you."

"You want to send me away."

"No." And even though he's pushing me away, his arms pull me closer. "I want you to find a home. A true home. Somewhere to belong. Where you can finally be happy like you deserve."

I stare into his eyes. Elias once told me that some of us weren't meant to belong. I'd thought he was talking about me, trying to alienate me from everyone else again, but he was talking about himself. He's still a young boy in the body of a man thrust into power against his will. In his eyes, he was the one who would never belong, never have a true home.

But home isn't a place; I know that now. My hollower village was never home, and the castle in the shifter village wasn't home, either. Home is a feeling, people, a scent in the air, a warmth. Home, to me, is sitting in the library with Bastian, training with Aliyah, getting so frustrated with Eric I want to scream, those small moments where Cassia laughs like she used to. We don't find our belonging in a place, we find it in people. And as I stare up at Elias and think over his words, I don't know how to tell him that home is also him.

So instead, I say, "We should go."

He nods, releasing my arm and leading me down the hill. I clutch the wood to my chest. Flo felt like home, once, but she, too, was torn from me. And now all that's left of her is this wooden piece of bed frame with a letter she carved.

My chest is hollow as I follow. Because there's a part of me that wonders if he's right. He is a wisper and I am a human. My presence causes him pain, internal turmoil. Maybe the only thing that can stop us from hurting each other is by letting one another go.

~

Discussion:

1. Do you think it makes more sense for Milena to go to Malik's village?

2. Do you think Elias should be able to stop being a leader, or does he have a duty to his people?

3. What's the most recent book you bought? I just bought Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard, can't believe I haven't read it yet but I've heard great things!