CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE:
BOYFRIEND MATERIAL

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"YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS, VALDEZ."

"I think you mean ridiculously handsome," Leo winked. "Christopher."

Kit couldn't help it. He let out a loud laugh, the corners of his mouth curving into the kind of smile that sucker-punched the air out of Leo's lungs. "Hm, no, I don't think so. Try… ridiculously stupid?"

Leo -- who had started to smile because Kit was -- suddenly frowned. "That's a weird way of saying you want to jump my bones."

"Leo!" Kit smacked his arm with bright red cheeks.

The worst part of it was that Kit couldn't deny it. He did look ridiculous, but maybe… maybe Kit liked that about him. He liked Leo because of who he was, which frankly scared him shitless.

But that wasn't the point! Leo's genius plan, as it turned out, was to give himself a makeover that, quoted from the man (child) himself, 'would have all the guys and girls throthing at the mouth for him.' This makeover included oil-slick hair, a goofy pair of welding goggles he tried to pass for sunglasses, and two dodgy marker tattoos on each bicep. A blushing Hazel was in the middle of drawing a skull and crossbones with the words HOT STUFF written in large block letters. Leo handed the other marker over to Kit with a smirk.

"What's this?"

"What do you mean 'what's this?'" Leo scoffed. "It's a marker, Christopher. For you to write with. You know how to write, don't you?"

Kit's eyes narrowed. He was so getting him back for that. He plastered on a pretty smile, murmuring a 'hold still' as he reached out and steadied Leo's forehead with one hand. Leo's amused expression was quick to drop into panic. 

"What are you doing?"

"Writing," muttered Kit.

Leo only just managed to dodge the permanent ink Kit tried to scribble on his forehead. "No! Get away!"

"I said hold still."

"What idiots," Hazel scoffed under her breath as she stood back and watched them, but only Echo heard her.

"Idiots," she agreed, shaking her head when the two boys abruptly decided to shake on a truce.

Five minutes later, Leo was ready to approach the nymphs with a giant I AM KIT DEMPSEY'S BITCH written from his shoulder to his wrist like a tattoo sleeve. He had Kit on one side of him and Echo on the other, proudly declaring Kit his 'number one groupie.'

"Fuck off," Kit swatted his arm. "Before I feed you to the nymphs."

Leo let out a low whistle and raised his hands in surrender. "Touchy."

"Are we doing this or not?"

"Damn. Impatient too."

Kit shrugged. "Unless this master plan of yours is to wait for sunset… which Nemesis said not to do…"

This seemed to reinforce whatever doubts Hazel was having. She stepped in front of Leo before he could march them into battle, shyly gazing at his hot stuff tattoo before uncomfortably catching Kit's eyes and blurting out, "What in the world are you two thinking?"

"Don't look at me," Kit shrugged, to which Leo piped up with a knowing, reminiscent grin, "He's just the muscle."

Hazel blinked at them. "Great…"

Leo sighed. "Look, I try not to think. It interferes with being nuts. Just concentrate on moving that Celestial Bronze, okay?"

She nodded, exhaling heavily before steeling herself. "Okay."

"Echo, you ready?"

"Ready," she nodded, her longing for Narcissus this horrible, tangible thing; a torn heart on her sleeve, beating in spite of itself.

Kit had a bad feeling. "Then let's go fool some nymphs."

On they marched, only to screw themselves over the second Leo opened his mouth. Strutting through the lively crowd, he raised his voice above their screeches to shout, "Leo is the coolest!"

Kit tried not to cringe, failed, then accepted his fate like a bullet in the mouth.

"Leo is the coolest," Echo repeated with a giddy wave of her hand around her face. Kit had to give it to her. She was an excellent actress.

"Yeah, baby, check me out!"

"Check me out!"

“Make way for the king!”

“The king!”

“Narcissus is weak," he hollered just as the nymphs scattered in surprise to reveal the man himself.

“Weak," Echo glared, and even Kit winced at the gruffness of her tone.

Slowly, a few of the nymphs crept closer, gaping at Leo like he was an animal on display at the zoo. Not a lion or a bear, but something smaller, boring on first glance. Like… a meerkat! Just the thought made Kit smirk. 

Leo shooed them away as if they were bothering him, puffing up his chest before slinging the arm with the Kit Dempsey tattoo around Kit's shoulder. He angled his elbow so the tattoo caught the sun, showing it off to the nymphs, who this time started to whisper excitedly. 

"No autographs, girls. I know you want some Leo time, but I'm way too cool for just anybody." At that, Leo's eyes flickered to Kit. Just one glimpse of his face made Kit groan. He didn't even have to ask. Leo always had something stupid to say waiting on the tip of his tongue. "You love your Leo time. Don't you, Kit?"

"Oh, yeah," he gritted his teeth. "Like a kick to the balls."

"Hear that, ladies?" Leo crowed. "You better just hang around that ugly dweeb, Narcissus. He’s lame!”

“Lame,” Echo said with enthusiasm.

The nymphs started to mutter angrily.

"Cool it with the Narcissus hate," Kit leaned in to whisper in Leo's ear. "Or this won't work."

"Just trust me."

In that case, they were doomed.

“What are you talking about?” one of the nymphs demanded.

“You’re lame,” scoffed another.

Leo adjusted his goggles and smiled. He flexed his biceps (not that he had much to flex) and winked at the nearest nymph. One of his arms dropped to the small of Kit's back. “You know how ugly Narcissus is?” he asked the crowd. “He’s so ugly that when he was born, his mama thought he was a backward centaur; with a horse butt for a face.”

Some of the nymphs gasped. Kit had to stop himself from throwing himself into Narcissus' pond. Hopefully, he'd hit his head hard enough on the bronze to forget this horrifying afternoon. Narcissus frowned and angled his head at them, as though he was vaguely aware of an annoying bug buzzing around his head.

“You know why his bow has cobwebs?” Leo continued. “He uses it to hunt for dates, but he can’t find one!”

One of the nymphs laughed. The others quickly elbowed her into silence.

This time, Narcissus properly turned and scowled at the trio. “Who are you?”

“I’m the Super-sized McShizzle, man!” Leo exclaimed. “I’m Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies and gents love a bad boy.”

“Love a bad boy!” Echo swooned.

At last, Leo stepped away from Kit, fishing around in his tool belt for a pen that he used to autograph the arm of one of the nymphs. As the nymph squealed and went pale from shock, he sent Kit one of those looks over her head, the ones he just expected Kit to somehow understand. He either wanted Kit to do something or he was constipated. Naturally, Kit struggled to work out the difference.

(Could you blame him? This was Leo.)

“Narcissus is a loser! He’s so weak, he can’t bench-press a Kleenex. He’s so lame, when you look up lame on Wikipedia, it’s got a picture of Narcissus. Only the picture’s so ugly that no one ever checks it out.”

Gods, maybe he should've helped Hazel get the Celestial Bronze so they could leave Leo behind.

Narcissus knit his handsome eyebrows. For a second, he’d completely forgotten about the pond behind him, and Kit could barely make out the shadow that was the sheet of bronze sinking into the sand.

“What are you talking about?” Narcissus demanded. Kit's gaze snapped back to him. “I am amazing. Everyone knows this.”

"Amazing as pegasus shit," Kit said without thinking. Narcissus' expression was thunderous as some of the nymphs nervously giggled. Leo beamed at him, wiggling his eyebrows. Finally! Now, this was an expression Kit could understand. He was in his element. Falling at Leo's feet professing his love and adoration wasn't for him. But insulting people? Completely different story. "Have you taken a bath in the last millennia? Or are you too scared you'll accidentally drown yourself… again…"

"If I was as sucky as you, I'd drown myself on purpose," Leo added helpfully. Narcissus' face had gone firetruck red with rage. He stomped his foot and pouted like an overgrown toddler. "That's right, ladies! Team Leo for the win!"

"Team Leo for the win!" Echo shouted back. Kit jumped at the sound of her voice coming from a few feet behind him. She'd moved without him realising, successfully managing to blend into the crowd so that they thought her voice was one of their own. 

“Oh my God, I am so awesome," continued Leo.

“So awesome!”

“He is funny,” a nymph acknowledged.

“And cute, in a scrawny way,” another agreed.

“Scrawny?” Leo scoffed. Meanwhile, Kit was frowning. Only he got to think Leo's scrawniness was cute. “Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot. And I got the scrawny. Narcissus? He’s such a loser, even the Underworld didn’t want him. He couldn’t get the ghost girls to date him.”

“Ew,” said a nymph in disgust.

“Ew,” Echo nearly growled.

“Stop!” Narcissus shouted over the onslaught of whispers. “This isn't right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be…” He struggled for the right words, throwing his arms around for good measure. “He must be tricking us.”

So Narcissus wasn’t completely stupid. Kit had to give it to him. Quickly, realisation had dawned on his face. He turned back to the pond and wailed, “The bronze mirror is gone! My reflection! Give me back to me!”

“Team Leo!” one of the nymphs insisted as Kit sighed and drew his sword. Here we bloody go. The others had returned their attention to Narcissus, waiting for what else he had to say.

“I’m the beautiful one,” Narcissus cried. “He and his friend have stolen my mirror, and I’m going to leave unless we get it back!”

The nymphs gasped in horror. Desperately, one pointed, and Kit knew what he'd find if he followed her finger; but like a glutton for a punishment, he turned… “There!”

"Great," Kit snapped. "Just fantastic."

Hazel was at the top of the crater, running as fast as she could while also lugging a gigantic sheet of bronze along with her. She'd never make it away in time.

“Get it back,” cried a nymph, trembling at the thought of Narcissus leaving where she couldn't follow.

Against her will, Echo muttered, “Get it back.”

“Yes!” Encouraged by their rejuvenated love for him, Narcissus unslung his bow and grabbed an arrow from his dust-covered quiver. “The first one who gets that bronze, I will like you almost as much as I like me. I might even kiss you, right after I kiss my reflection!”

"Oh, he's smart," Kit groaned. He went ignored, of course, as the nymphs had started to scream and jump around.

“And kill those demigods!” Narcissus added, glaring handsomely at Leo and Kit. “They are not as cool as me!”

"We'll see how cool you are when I stab my sword through your ugly face," Kit grumbled, though he had no choice but to run for it as Leo practically ripped his arm out of its socket trying to drag him along. "Okay, I'm coming. Stop trying to kill me, Valdez."

They overtook Hazel, which was easy since she was struggling with fifty pounds of metal. Kit huffed and circled back, latching onto one side while keeping a grip on his sword with the other. Cluelessly, Leo kept running. Kit's arms burned, muscles flexing under the weight of the Celestial Bronze. For a second, he struggled to get a good grip. He had a new sense of respect for Hazel getting this far alone.

"Ow!" Kit nearly dropped it again when Narcissus yelped from a few metres behind him. He tried to glance over his shoulder and failed when his foot almost got flattened into a hotplate. "My manicure!" 

Okay, surely, it wouldn't take much to overpower this fool. Even the nymphs were terribly out of practice. They kept stumbling over one another, pushing and shoving, which started a lot of arguments between themselves. Echo, bless her soul, made things worse by running among them, tripping and tackling as many as she could.

“Call Arion!” Leo finally realised he'd left them behind and spun around. He didn't do much, but Kit was just grateful he didn't have to keep an eye on him too. There was already so much shit going down.

“Already did,” Hazel said.

They managed to make it to the beach without dying. As suspected, Narcissus had no idea what to do with his bow when his beloved nails were at risk. They made it to the edge of the water and could see the hazy shape of the Argo II on the horizon, but there was no way for them to get there without swimming a marathon or waiting longer for Arion. By then, they'd be shredded to bits by the nymphs. 

Speaking of Leo's hate-club. Kit turned in time to see the masses volleying over the sand dunes like wild crabs. Narcissus lead the onslaught, wielding his bow like a shield. Kit scowled. It was time someone showed this fool how it was done.

"Oh, man," Leo was moaning in fright. "Straight-up fighting is not my thing."

"Good thing it's mine, then. Help Hazel," Kit ordered, giving him no time to protest as he dropped his side of the bronze, Leo yelping when it almost crushed him. "And Hazel, call Arion again! I'll buy us some time."

With that, Kit was gone, charging with a war cry that Ares would've said was wasted on the likes of Narcissus and a gaggle of nymphs. He swung his sword down in front of him, the tip of the blade directed at Narcissus' torso.

The other boy shrieked and let one of his arrows fly. "Not my six-pack!"

Ironically, he did this by accident, recoiling from the strength of the crossbow but still managing a smile as the nymphs swooned at the thought of his six-pack. Kit easily dodged the arrow and sneered. He sheathed his sword, plucked a dagger from his right boot and aimed at his shoulder. Gold ichor splattered in every direction as the dagger met its mark.

Narcissus howled. "Not my shoulder!"

Kit laughed. Narcissus now had to fight through the nymphs as they crowded around him in concern. Some rounded on Kit, snarling and spitting, but he was already sprinting back the way he came. 

"Get behind me!" Echo cried, throwing Kit behind her with her arms outstretched as if she meant to personally shield him and Leo, who had latched onto Kit's jacket with no intention of releasing him again.

Shooting Kit an 'I'll deal with you later' look, to which Kit thought gladly, Leo frowned at Echo. "Echo?" He swallowed thickly as she smiled. "You are one brave nymph."

"Brave nymph?" she blinked, like she'd never heard those words before.

Kit nodded in agreement. "You shit on those other nymphs. Remember that."

"Remember that," she grinned, prompting Kit to do the same.

“We're proud to have you on Team Leo,” Leo gestured between the three of them. “If we survive this, you should forget Narcissus.”

“Forget Narcissus?” she repeated slowly.

“You’re way too good for him.”

"And I'm pretty sure he's lying about his six-pack," Kit grumbled.

The nymphs surrounded them in a semicircle.

“Trickery!” Narcissus shrieked, thankfully not hearing Kit's comment or he was sure he would've tried to impale him on an arrow again. “They don’t love me, girls! We all love me, don’t we?”

“Yes!” they screamed. 

“Then kill them,” roared Narcissus, and Kit swore he saw spit go flying.

The nymphs were closing in when the sand in front of them suddenly exploded. Kit gagged as it sprayed in his face, leaving his tongue as dry as the Sahara and his eyes burning like coals. Hazel's blasted horse seemed to form out of thin air. He circled the nymphs so quickly that the wind picked up to form a miniature hurricane. 

As the nymphs shrieked, Leo pumped his fis and cheered. "I love this horse!"

Kit glowered, spitting out a chunk of sand and what he prayed to the Gods wasn't seaweed. "That makes one of us."

Hazel rolled her eyes and turned her back on the boys. She was the first to mount Arion, staring down a fumbling Narcissus before fixing her beady eyes back on them. She offered them a hand -- both denied, for two very different reasons.

"I'd rather swim back," Kit bit harshly.

At the same time, Leo protested, "Guys, we can't leave Echo!"

"Leave Echo." Squinting through the grainy film of sand in his eyes, Kit's stomach twisted with dread at the way Echo smiled at them. She had already made her decision. It didn't matter what they said or did now.

"But w-why?" Leo was stumbling over his words. "You don't think you can still save Narcissus…"

"Save Narcissus," she whispered.

Kit wanted to disagree. In his not-so humble opinion, Narcissus wasn't worth saving. Then again, people said the same thing about him. Leo never listened.

And everyone needed a Leo Valdez in their life. (Kit would rather cut out his tongue than admit this out loud, and trust him, he was very much tempted after eating dust, literally.) But Echo, for some ridiculous reason, wanted to be that for Narcissus.

"Echo, you do have questionable taste," Kit sighed, just in case she didn't already know.

Echo nodded. "Questionable taste."

"But at least you're self-aware."

Echo surged forward then, grabbing the sides of his face between thin, wiry fingers. Her hands were cold, despite the island's warmth. Kit resisted but ended up caving as Echo kissed him on the cheek. She did the same for Leo, who blushed and spluttered in confusion.

When Kit opened his eyes again, Echo was gone.

"Guys, come on," Hazel shouted, gripping Arion's neck as the horse whinnied and backed up a few steps. The other nymphs were starting to recover. Their faces were now glowing bright green with anger, teeth gnashing together as they hissed and spat at them. 

Kit knew one thing; he did not intend to be on the receiving end of their fury. So he tugged on the neck of Leo's collar. "Let's go, Leo. Don't make me drag you by your ear."

"Yeah," Leo's reply was unusually sombre. "Yeah, okay."

Kit didn't stop as ushered him up behind Hazel, but the second they were both situated and Arion had zoomed across the water, he gripped Leo tight.

"You think she'll be okay?" Leo asked, leaning back. He knew Kit's arms would hold him steady.

Kit's heart panged. "I hope so. And for once, I actually mean it."

Leo huffed out a laugh, and Kit caught it with his mouth as his lips pressed to Leo's. The kiss was fleeting, and fortunately for them, Hazel was too busy directing Arion while balancing the bronze to notice. But Leo knew what it meant. He knew everything about Kit. Right down to the singular hitches in his breathing. He put his hand over Kit's on his waist where it stayed until the Argo II came back into view.

Nemesis had said to the three of them that Echo and Narcissus would teach them a lesson. Kit had doubted her, as he always did with Gods, but maybe, for the first time throughout history, a God had been right.

Kit just wasn't sure what it meant for him yet. If the lesson would stick.

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A/N: Wow okay I didn't mean for the Echo and Narcissus plot to take up three freaking chapters but there was way too much I wanted to include 😭 Let me know what you thought! I'd appreciate the feedback <3 I'm excited to finally move further into the MOA plot, I'm still planning but I've got a lot of ideas already!!