a·ver·sion

noun

a strong dislike or disinclination.

Joyce had kissed her sons goodbye, flashed Emilia a knowing grin, and then disappeared out the front door. Jonathan and Will both looked at Emilia with her big smile and red cheeks, stunned by the unusual way their mother had presented herself as she left casually for the evening. She didn't say where she was going, she had seemed jittery with excitement.

"That was weird," Will mentioned.

Emilia chuckled, then directed the conversation elsewhere. "What are we watching tonight?"

Things quickly fell back into the normal swing of it, Jonathan grabbed two of the VHS's he had rented on his way home from school, and Will leaned over to look at the titles. One of them was "The Outsiders", which they had read in school and none of them felt they wanted to watch the movie, regardless of how fitting the title was to the three of them. The other one was a movie Jonathan had selected for Emilia's taste in movies, Stephen King's "The Shining". Even though the run time was a ridiculous two and a half hours, it was one of Emilia's favourite movies and books.

"Definitely 'The Shining'," Emilia plucked the tape from Jonathan's hands, their fingers brushing against one another lightly.

"Mum will be home before it is over!" Will laughed.

"It's not a school night," Jonathan countered, and then began to wonder if his mum would even come home. The way she appeared so happy and secretive all at once, he wondered if maybe she was dating. It didn't bother him, though, she needed to be happy and to have the house to their selves for a night without her constantly worrying over Will was refreshing.

Emilia walked over to the TV and knelt down on the floor, her thighs sinking back against her calves, and she pulled the tape out of the generic black and white cover. When she studied the tape, she realized the movie store had made a mistake, the tape inside the case did not match. Glancing over her shoulder, she looked at the two brothers on the couch, waiting for her to start the movie.

"We got a problem, boys," she felt something twist inside of her when she thought about the movie they got instead of "The Shining". She held up the tape and shook it, "Wrong movie."

"Oh man," Jonathan grumbled, "What did we get?"

"'Alien'," she told them. It was a good movie, a really good movie, when you didn't have nightmares of monsters and aliens that actually existed. Emilia loved the film for being one of the first to have a tough female lead. Sigourney Weaver was a legend.

"I've never seen it," Will admitted, and when Emilia looked at him she saw the curiousity in his eyes.

"It's a bit long..." Jonathan realized he too didn't want Will to watch it.

"The movie we were going to watch was two and a half hours..." Will countered, already fed up with people treating him like this. He expected it from his mum, but not from his older brother. His older brother was supposed to get him into trouble, let him do things that maybe he shouldn't. That's what siblings do.

Emilia nibbled her lip, "I don't know..."

"Guys!" Will stood up, his hands clenched by his sides. "Stop treating me like I'm going to fall apart! You don't get to do that..."

Jonathan responded first, shocked but knowing that it was his place -not Emilia's- to correct and defuse the situation. He gestured for Will to sit down, "Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I just have to keep everything in mind, you know?"

"That's mum's job, not yours," Will was shaking ever so slightly, then glanced at Emilia. They had both been in the Upside Down, they'd been both infected by what was in there. A knowing look crossed between them, and Emilia caved.

"He's right," Emilia directed her eyes to Jonathan now, "It's practically been a year, we can't live in fear and hide away from science fiction movies forever."

And with that, Jonathan outnumbered now, Emilia popped the tape in and clambered back to the couch. There was something about sitting down on an ugly couch filled with smells of the home, with people that she considered family on either side of her. Feet tucked underneath her, she leaned her head on Jonathan's shoulder, despite how uncomfortable it was, and braced herself for the long-drawn, slow-burn movie before them.

Before the action of the movie took off, Will was beginning to look quite bored, even tired. Emilia glanced at the clock and wondered if he might fall asleep before the chest-burst scene, but wasn't banking on it. She wrapped herself in a blanket and snuggled in closer to Jonathan in anticipation of what was coming next. It was happening before them now, all of the crew having dinner, laughing and chatting away when the captain began to writhe in pain, agony, screaming as the alien burst through from his chest. The blood splattered, the alien -though obviously a puppet- screeching from inside the now-dead man. It was horrific, bloody, it normally would have Emilia sitting on the edge of her seat wondering how these character would survive...

She felt sick to her stomach. She thought about the thing that was inside of her. Recoiling with aversion from the screen before her, she watched in stillness as Will got up and left the room. There was a distinct wetness to his eyes that did not go unnoticed by her or Jonathan. Emilia felt the shift in Jonathan, and sat up right so that he could go after Will. Alone on the couch, she continued to watch the movie, and in the few moments that she viewed it, she managed to calm herself down. Though this fiction was not so different from a reality they had all been exposed to, it was different.

When Jonathan returned, he was alone. Emilia cast a questioning glance in his direction, and he just shook his head. There was something on his expression that read "I told you so", but he would never actually say those words.

"Maybe it was a good idea, you know?" Emilia tried to find the words. "Your mum is going to try and protect him from everything, but maybe some exposure -this being too much- will be good. Day by day, it has to get easier, right?"

"It's been getting worse," Jonathan's voice was quiet.

"Worse, how?"

Jonathan shrugged, "Nightmares and stuff."

"What about the therapist he sees?" Emilia asked.

"They're the ones who did it to him, to you... You think they care?"

"No," Emilia shook her head and sighed, "That's why I don't go."

"Maybe... Next time he goes, would you go with him?" Jonathan asked.

She looked up, curious as to how that would help.

He sighed, "They might take you more seriously than him, because he's so young, you know?"

Although she didn't want to go, she saw that pleading look in Jonathan's eyes and knew she wouldn't be able to say no. Kissing his cheek, she leaned over and grabbed the remote, pausing the movie and then turning off the TV. She grabbed his hand, "Okay."

"Really?"

She nodded, "If you think it will help Will, you can count on me."

It scared her, though, for she did not want to face her problems. She did not want to admit that the Upside Down plagued her dreams and her thoughts, that it still haunted her even in waking hours, in places she felt remotely safe. The hallways at school transforming before her eyes. She didn't want to admit any of that was real. She told herself that it wasn't real. But even if it was just in her head, did that make it false? 

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