guilt

noun

the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.

Jonathan heard the rumours that were spreading, not just about him and Nancy, but about Emilia, Steve and Billy. He had heard of the new kid, but had not ever met him, and wondered how his girlfriend's name became associated with someone like him. He kept his head and eyes down as he walked through the halls that morning to his locker, avoiding the piercing stares of those around him. The words were sharp and accusatory, and he hoped Emilia would show up to laugh along with him at how stupid the rumours were.

But Emilia never showed up at Jonathan's locker that morning, and by the time he decided to head to hers, it was too late. Grabbing his bag, he slipped it over his shoulder and walked towards his class all while searching for Emilia, and avoiding making eye contact with anyone else. Along the way, he heard all these horrible things about what Emilia had done.

Slept with Billy -who was Billy?

Kissed Steve.

That one hurt him.

He knew that she had not slept with anyone, he knew that these rumours about her and this Billy kid were all lies, and that they were going to hurt her more than they did him. He had a few select words for this kid too, who was likely the one who started the rumour -though as to why, Jonathan had no idea. He wondered if maybe Carol had started them, but they hadn't heard from her in a long time. She had been put in her place last year and hadn't crawled out of that cave since.

But Emilia knew that Jonathan had gone home with Nancy, and she had then driven Steve home. Would she have kissed him out of spite? Was she mad at Jonathan for leaving the party without her and with Nancy instead? No, Jonathan knew that Emilia wasn't like that. Besides, she would have told him when they went bowling, or shown some sign of guilt.

Distracted as anything, Jonathan walked right into someone as he turned the corner to enter the classroom. It was Carol, and instead of saying anything, she did something far more sinister, far worse. She grinned from ear to ear, like the Grinch, she looked as though she was about to take advantage of this situation in order to make Emilia's life hell once again.

Jonathan wasn't going to take her bait, in fact, he wasn't even going to let her speak. "I don't want to hear it, Carol. I heard enough of your voice last year."

"Woah, Creep's got a temper," Carol mocked as she raised her hands in defence.

"Yeah, didn't you guys learn that last year?"

She smirked, clearly remembering when Steve and Jonathan had the fight after they humiliated Nancy in front of the whole town. Shaking her shoulders like she had somehow won the conversation, she walked passed Jonathan with a grin. She was up to no good, but there was nothing that Jonathan could do about it. He had to sit in class and try to focus on what the teacher in front of him was saying, and yet he couldn't hear a word that was said. When they were given time to read, Jonathan opened his book to a page, and didn't read a single word.

All he could think of was Emilia and Steve.

Steve was in gym class, being assaulted by a half-nude Billy when Nancy decided to finally show her face. He ducked out of the game, eagerly, though not eager to talk to Nancy, just to get away from Billy, who was constantly attacking him. He darted out through the back door, welcoming the brisk but fresh air. He noticed Nancy looked prettier than she ever had before, and he wondered if it was because she was out of his reach now. She didn't love him, and what did that mean for their relationship?

She grilled him for not picking him up for school, and Steve scoffed. "I figured Jonathan would take you."

Even as the words left his mouth, he felt bad. Hadn't he kissed Emilia?

Nancy asked what he was talking about, and Steve had to relay all of it back to her. The party, the drinking, the bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. It was all bullshit, and Steve was starting to see it that way too. Maybe it was all bullshit, that everything that happened in high school was pointless. Character building, some would call it, he would call it bullshit.

He referred to Jonathan as Nancy's boyfriend, which made his gut twist. He knew it was wrong, but he was angry, he was so mad at Nancy.

"Then tell me," Steve said.

"Tell you what?" Nancy asked, oblivious.

"That you love me."

She couldn't, and he could see it in her eyes. A teammate in the Phys. Ed. Class came out demanding Steve return to the game, that they needed him desperately. He waited for Nancy to say it, to say anything, and when she remained silent, that was when he knew that she had said it all the previous night. It was all bullshit.

"I think that you're bullshit," Steve muttered towards her, finalizing what had broken between them.

Nancy glanced down at her feet, letting Steve walk away.

"I heard you kissed Emilia, is that bullshit?" She asked.

Steve stopped, the gravel underneath his feet grinding.

"No," he replied, even though he knew it might wreck Emilia. "It wasn't bullshit."

Jonathan was released from his agony when he heard the bell ring for lunch, and he went to his locker to shove his books inside. Over the two hours that he had been in his classes, he had heard so much about Emilia, and he didn't know what was true and what was lies anymore. He kicked himself for thinking that, and told himself that they were all lies. But lies had to come from somewhere, didn't they? Closing his eyes as he opened his locker, he didn't notice the note slip out and fall to the floor, where it was quickly whisked away by the other students walking through the halls.

He sensed someone behind him, and when he turned, it was Nancy.

"Hi," he said.

"Can we talk?" She asked, clearly wanting answers about the party, when she was too drunk to remember what happened.

Jonathan looked around for Emilia, and she hadn't yet arrived. Would she bother? Was she hiding from him? He sighed, deciding to go chat with Nancy, perhaps it would help blow all of this over, and fix the problems that they all seemed to be having. He nodded at Nancy, and together they walked towards his car in the parking lot, where the November sun shone brightly down on them, giving them one last day of warmth.

They talked about Steve, about what happened, how he was angry with her the night of the party. Then they talked about Barb, and Will, and the weight that they carried with them since that incident.

"There is something else you should know, Jonathan," Nancy said, nervous, she didn't want to say it.

"Yeah?"

"You've probably heard the rumours going around, with Emilia..."

Jonathan looked at the ground, if anyone knew if there was weight to them, it would be Nancy. She was just as involved in all of this as he was, for it was each of their significant others who had kissed, supposedly.

"You asked Steve, didn't you?" Jonathan asked.

She nodded, "Maybe he was trying to hurt me after I hurt him, maybe he was lying... But he said he did."

Jonathan glanced at the parking lot, then scanned for Emilia. She hadn't come to see him, but he noticed her car was there. She was at the school somewhere, and she was avoiding him. She would have no reason to avoid him unless the rumour was true, unless there was something between her and Steve. And then there were the worse rumours, the ones that made his stomach twist now when he thought about it; if one rumour was true, did that mean the other was?

Nancy broke his trance, "You mum's boyfriend, he works at Radioshack, right?" 

So here is where things are going to get a wee bit complicated. I've only written half of the next chapter because I binge watched the entire first season of "Girls" with my coworker yesterday after a much needed girls date. I needed a rest day, from work, from writing, from working out (even though I still went to kick boxing). 

Today I was going to write, and alas I woke up with a bladder infection so it's off to the walk in clinic for me. Let's hope this time someone doesn't walk in having a baby, like last time, cause I was pretty low priority at the point and I certainly didn't want to hang around to hear the "miracle of birth". 

Question of the Day: How do you think Emilia and Jonathan will resolve this?