AUTHOR'S DESK: To every teenager and adult of both sexes all over the world, you are not alone in your struggle.

♤

No matter what I do, my mind is always full of you..

♤

"This girl! Shuu don't tell me you are still sleeping on that bed!" I heard the sharp scolding voice of my mother, outside my room. Her voice got clearer with every single stride she took towards my room.

Hanging upsidedown on my bed, my legs flailing aimlessly on the air, while the phone Ayo bought for me was on my right hand. In less than seconds, I quickly ended the texting section with him and shoved the button phone under my cranky bed.

She must not see it!

I remembered the stern warnings he ratted out the day he bought it for me.

And I knew in less than a heartbeat, she would enter my room. I don't know how I turned to Flash or Superman in a second, but I successfully hid it well and got up just in time as she opened my room door with a bang. I faked a yawn and stretched in an awkward manner sighting mother who had a slight frown on her face.

"Uh, hey mum!" I said in an over chirpy tone praying she would not notice my weird cover up. Thankfully, she sighed and rolled her eyes beckoning for me to come over. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and went over to her anyways. Immediately I got to her reach, she engulfed me in a bear hug as if she was just seeing me for the first time in many years.

Okay, that's a little bit unusual.

Honestly, I do not know what has come over her lately because she has been having annoying mood swings. The mother I know or at least knew, for the past fifteen years of my life always cherished and cared for me and my elder brother, Especially me. I don't know anything about my father and I am yet to know the story behind that. I can confidently say she has changed within the last one month.

She yells at me for no reason or do some unbefitting things. And if she's in a better mood, she goes all loveydovey on me like right now. I am quite sad my brother is not here to comfort me since he is currently studying in the university. Today is one of the days my mum is acting like her old self by hugging me when she comes back from work.

I miss this aspect of her.

Only God knows when her ugly side will rear itself again.

She disentangled from the hug and gave me a sad smile that got me suspicious for a second but me being me, brushed it off. A loud ear piercing siren-like sound, rung in the not so quiet afternoon's air causing my mother and I to jump involuntarily. And the next words heard were, 'Up NEPA!' from different neighbours flat in our compound and across the street. My eyes instantly lited up in joy, like c'mon light/electricity power, is kind of a rare thing at times in places like this.

"Oh finally, NEPA!" My mother said in relief. She glanced back at me and she instantly knew I was using my eyes to plead with her to watch television, because honestly I've been bored all day. "See your big head. Na only television you sabi for this life ni." I pouted as she said that.

"But mummy! They just brought NEPA naa." I whined. One thing that I grew up observing about my mother, is her fluent accent which she ensured I learnt too. For someone who lives in Warri and has no extended family at all, it makes me wonder where she learnt how to speak like that. She made sure I never replied her back with broken English even though she speaks it.

"Oya go before you do face like mama Denyefa's dog." She replied after hissing as she left my room. I giggled at the sample of mama Denyefa's dog. Everybody hates the dog in the compound and it does everything in its power to show us its ugly side.

Stupid dog.

With the pitter-patter sound of my bathroom slippers flopping on our sparkling marble floor, I made it through the narrow corridor successfully down to our small but homily parlour.

I elegantly balanced on the two-sitter fluffy sofa and used the remote to surf through our channels list and finally settled on Movies plus, where Avengers Age of Ultron was showing. My love for DC and Marvel movies are unbeatable. We used Startimes decoder because according to my mother, it is much cheaper than Dstv and GOtv. So don't blame me if I don't watch the regular Zee world, Telemundo or Big Brother Naija(BBN) shows.

After some minutes, my mother waltzed into the parlour with her work clothes still on. A packet white Louis Vuitton blouse tucked in her black palazzo trouser. She works in the famous 'Pacesetters Law Firm' as a renowned lawyer. She should be clocking thirty-six by next month. And I'm proud to say she looks sexy and young as hell. People do say I resemble her a lot, but trust me I don't see that at all. Like how can I ever be pretty and sexy like my model-ish mother? I don't even have her hips form or shape of boobs. So keep dreaming my lovely brain.

On her hand was a black polythene bag of steaming food cause I could literally scent the smell of my favourite;

Bóle, beans and smoke fish..no cap I love food asf.

She saw my wandering eyes, smirked and joined me on the fluffy sofa. "Oya go and bring fork to join me before you do eyes like ogoro(frog)." I jolted in happiness and swiftly skidded to our small kitchen. Our family was a small and comfortable one just like an average home. The kitchen which was adjourned to our dinning room, wasn't that big but at least it was okay for a family of three.

I hummed to Araina Grande's, 7rings that boomed out of our neighbour's CD showroom, which was just across our compound as I reached for the cutleries rack on the counter. On collecting my fork, a white powdery substance fell from the corner of the counter and my face mirrored confusion wondering where it came from. A normal human being is supposed to wonder and show her mother what she saw, but me being a major foodie, brushed the idea and ran back to the parlour anticipating the sweet food.

"Mummy can I put on the fan?" I asked carefully because like I said, I'm trying not to step on her toes and right now she's just being normal. So yeah it is safe to say I was walking on egg shells.

"Mmhm." She simply replied as she served the steaming bóle, beans and smoke fish inside the takeaway plate. I licked my lips in anticipation, put on the creaky fan that gave out a weird noise (remind me to tell her to call the electrician to repair the fan.) and I quickly rejoined her on the fluffy sofa, tucking in my legs in the process.

"So how was your day mum?" I asked eagerly. I missed hearing about her office gist and all. At times when I'm too bored, she would carry me to her place of work, or to the market to do grocery shopping. That's just my life for you, simply boring during the holidays. Not that school even has hope because mum made sure I had no friends or whatever. I am being bullied heavily in school but she doesn't know about it. One bit. So my life is plain Jane. She just rolled her eyes and pushed the food to me.

"It was okay. Now eat up your food and stop talking." I grinned lopsidedly and savoured the hot and pepperish food. She didn't join me in eating and I raised a brow questionably at her but she just shrugged and picked up her phone. After some minutes, she muted the TV and faced me squarely, gripping her phone hard.

Okay...what's happening?

"Is...everything okay?" I asked fearfully as I paused my eating for a moment. She had a solemn look on her face that shook me terribly and I had a deep feeling that all was not well. She sighed deeply and ignored me, pressing her phone. I shrugged feeling she was not in the mood to share, but then she shoved it at me to see what was on the screen.

With a frown on my face, I took the device from her hand and stared at the screen. At first, what I saw didn't register in my head. But after some seconds, it finally became clear to me as my breath hitched in my throat. My mind turned foggy as all I could see was red. Breaking out an involuntary sob, I spoke up.

"Mummy,.. I-I swear I didn't do any-thing." My voice shook terribly as I stared back at the screen that held a very disturbing image. She shot out of the sofa, laughing evily and menacingly, which made me to notice her red eyes with heavy bags underneath. The laugh was so brief and maniac-like that It scared me to my bones. She stopped laughing, and turned her sharp gaze back to me.

"Will you shut up! I never trained you to be a damn hoe! What the fuck? Are you mad? Ehh kilosele?" At that moment, her foreign accent I so much love, was back. But right now, I did not acknowledge that.

Two things were making me surprised. How did she get this picture? I didn't even know a picture like that existed for Christ's sake! And now she's using cuss words at me? That is definitely strange. And her mood swing attitude is taking full effect now. My vision blurred as everything became too much for me to take in, my stomach rambling in a very uncomfortable pattern.

"Mum.."

"If you call me mum again I'll slap the fuck outta you." She said with a resolved tone. I whimpered and shut my mouth up for good. "What did I tell you about boys? You definitely went behind my back and now this?" She motioned and flailed her hands towards the phone on my hand. If only she knew everything was a set up. I have been a good daughter and even made sure to stay away from the male specie. I even went as far as not keeping friends at all.

"Mother! Please, Listen to me." I yelled out. She whipped her head so fast towards my direction and I knew then that she was about to slap me for interrupting her. I ducked my head swiftly and waited for the hot slap but nothing happened. I quietly peeked my eyes open and saw my mother seating on the floor with a somber look and tear streaked face. I debated speaking again but later dropped it as my head started feeling fuzzy and heavy. So heavy as a block.

"I am sorry Aramide," She said in a quiet voice that for a moment, I could have sworn I didn't hear it. I was already a crying mess and words got stucked in my mouth. I couldn't speak at all. It felt like as if my tounge got tied with chains and bricks. "I am aware you usually sneak out with Ayo from this house." My eyes widened terribly at that piece of information.

How did she know?!

"I've been a bad mother and all. I always tried to protect you from the male specie just because I was raped at a tender age, causing me to have your step brother." She continued with a pained voice as she held back her sob. I knew about the rape case and all, but honestly why is she saying it again? I felt like screaming to her that she has been a good mother but I felt so weak and down. My body became too heavy to move all of a sudden and the room temperature literally became unbearable.

"I loved you baby. I swear I loved you." She said tiredly as she got up and blew her catarrh into the tissue from her handbag.

Loved? what does she mean?

"It breaks my heart by seeing this on my phone and knowing that you do sneak out of this house without my permission. I'm so disappointed at you."

Can someone please tell her I have no idea of how that picture was taken?

She walked over to me and pecked my forehead lightly.
"I know what is best for you. And I pray you forgive me in your next life." She added with a sigh. The urge to speak was so strong but my tongue refused to move one bit. I started seeing double and I tiredly using my hands to clear the dizziness away. Still nothing felt right at all. "Just know that I never meant harm baby girl. Die peacefully my love." She ended with a whimper as she walked out of the parlour dejected.

For the next thirty seconds, that was when my brain registered everything that happened.

The picture in her phone was a half nude picture of me and a popular bully in my class, Ibori. And for a moment, it seemed as if we were having sex. God knows I have nothing to do with this except the day I refused his advances and now he's doing payback.
The white substance in the kitchen was put in my food to kill me. No wander she did not join me to eat.

How can a mother kill her own child?

"Just know I never meant harm baby..." The words rang terribly in my head. And as I slowly succumbed to the world of darkness, hot tears of suppressed hurt, skimmed past my face and I thought about many things. So many things.

My life will never remain the same again.

No matter the way she ended my life, I would still love her.
I would miss my annoying best half-brother so much.
I will always watch my family from heaven above.
To all my classmates who bullied me from day one about not having a father and my lonely life, I forgive them...
To Ibori, who got my half nude picture from God knows where, I forgive him too.

I remember my pastor once said, unforgiveness is a sin. And after forgiving everybody in my mind, I prayed a short prayer in my heart for the acceptance of my soul in heaven, and for Him to keep Ayo safe. Closing my eyes, I finally wandered to the world of no return and welcomed the pains thereafter. But not without hearing the faint voices at the background. And with what I have come to know, that one thing called FATE, is a bïtch.

Maybe there is hope after all...just maybe.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

~A/N~

Ding! Ding! Ding!
Oops! that was not loud enough...let's start over.
DING! DING! DING!
Yh better😌..anyways, here you have it. The ingredients to my lovely story has started cooking! And the food(my story) is delicious and irresistible...
You won't regret reading and adding my story to your library btw.

Kindly vote, by pressing the pretty star button at the bottom ⭐️, comment, and share to ya friends...stay pretty my lovely readers

And please, I really need your thoughts on this prologue, what do you think?

-Jasmine ©️