"Ooh, Marshmallow, what do you have there? It looks like a... piece of paper. It's white and about the size of one. And you're looking at it so much on it that I'll bet there's something on it. Maybe... a drawing? Or some words?"

She scurried behind Marsh in an attempt to see what was on the sheet of paper. Marsh promptly turned around, preventing her from seeing.

"Obviously it's a sheet of paper," Marsh replied absently.

'Ugh, she's hiding something!' Apple's brow furrowed. 'It better not be that stupid drawing again.'

Oh, she and Marsh had had their disagreements about that drawing. It gave Apple an icky feeling deep in her stomach and an ache in her heart.

'It's so stupid that she thinks so much about a dead person! She wasn't cool to begin with!'

"But what's on it?"

"It's none of your business."

Thinking fast, Apple pointed to something over Marsh's shoulder. "Look! It's MePhone 4S!"

The only shouty red thing that Marsh looked at was Apple. She looked profoundly unimpressed. "Why are you so interested in my personal life, anyway? It's not this affects you."

"We're best friends and I wanna know! Also, what's 'interested" mean?"

Marsh sighed. "...Fine. But you have to promise to leave me alone for the rest of today if I show you."

She hesitated. "Fine."

The paper had a bunch of scratchy handwriting on it, in a searing red pen. There were lines on it, but it wasn't lined paper; it was too fancy for that. It had a new-book-smell to it.

"It's not written in blood, is it? This isn't some letter from a murderer?"

"Obviously not."

Apple looked at it for another moment. "I can't read," she declared.

Marsh snatched it away. "It doesn't matter. I showed you. Now you have to leave me alone."

"It doesn't count if I don't know what I'm looking at. Read it."

"You won't even know most of the words. He uses a lot of, uh..." She paused for a second, then laughed uneasily. "Fancy words."

"'He'? Who's he?"

"Um, Fan."

Apple raised an eyebrow. "Why'd Fan write you a letter?"

"He didn't say," Marsh replied. "He invited me to meet him by the lake to talk about it. If I'm honest..." Marsh leaned in and added in a whisper, "I think he's asking me out."

"What? You're going on a date? With Fan?!"

"Not so loud! I'm not interested in him, but I want to let him down gently -- that means, without hurting his feelings."

"That doesn't seem like a good idea at all! What if he forces you to k-kiss him?"

"I seriously doubt that will happen. He's not the type." She gave Apple a firm look. "Now that you know where I'm going for the afternoon, will you let me be?"

Apple tensed up at the thought of being left alone. Loneliness wasn't fun, it was the opposite of fun. Friends hung out all the time to keep each other from feeling lonely. It was even worse when your best friend was out there possibly getting... you know. Kissed.

And yet... well, Marsh was giving her such a fierce expression. She was far too kind to be feared, that much was obvious, but making her feel unhappy wasn't nice. And it was important for friends to listen to each other too, she supposed...

"We're still on for spooky stories at eight o'clock, right?"

"If you don't bother me."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, fine. Just be careful."

Marsh's expression softened. "Right."

XXX

Apple had an dreadful stomachache for the rest of that day. The heavy cloud of boredom hung over her, depressing her enough that she sighed sadly and checked the sun every few minutes or so. It was the only clock she had, as she didn't usually carry a watch.

There were at least three more hours until sundown, and an hour or so more after that until it was finally eight.

Every minute felt like a slog.

'What did I ever do before Marsh and I became friends?!'

She flopped on her back and sighed again.

'...Oh. Right. I plotted against her as her enemy. Man, I was a real jerk. Well, what about before that?' She thought some more. '...Nothing that's more fun without a friend. Ugh. Great.'

"Hey Vitamin C! What's goin' on?"

"Hey. Nothing."

"You seem a little down in the dumps. We oughta turn that frown upside down." Lightbulb slung an arm around Apple and lifted her to her feet. "What's buggin' you?"

"I'm just bored."

"Let's put our pelvises together and come up with something fun to do!"

Apple sighed. "She couldn't play today. She had somewhere to be."

"Have you ever tried parkour?"

"What's parkour?"

"Very dangerous and probably illegal in most jurisdictions," Lightbulb replied. "But that's what makes it so fun! It becomes a game of tag when the cops chase after you with sticks. I guess half the fun wouldn't be here, considering there aren't any cops, but we could manage. ...Hold on, where's Sweet Stuff? We're in the middle of nowhere. She doesn't have somewhere to be, right?"

'Ugh... I don't even went to think about it.' Apple's stomachache worsened. "She has a date."

"Whaaaaat?"

"At least, she reckoned it was one. She didn't know for sure. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she didn't listen. She said I wasn't allowed to go."

"Is it a guy, girl, something else? Is she into him? Is he even on the Bright Lights? Because oof, interteam dating gets ugly." She gasped. "It's not someone at Hotel OJ, is it? That could get her disqualified! And that wouldn't be good, nuh-uh."

'Why's she so interested? It's not fun.' "It's Fan." As Lightbulb gasped, Apple quickly added, "She's not interested in him or anything, whatever 'interested' means."

"Wow! How didn't I see this coming?!" Lightbulb grinned super-widely. "She's a fan-favorite, after all. Wonder if she'll change her mind and they'll be an alliance?"

"I think it's stupid!" Apple burst, jumping to her feet. "Dating is just being friends but kissing. Kissing's even more boring than staring at a wall!"

"Don't knock it until you've tried it."

"I don't wanna try it. Dating's for big people."

Lightbulb elbowed her. "You wanna go on a date with me?

"WHAT?!I, you...! Date?! Uh, um..." Apple stared at her in disbelief, color rising to her face.

"C'mon! I have a great idea in mind for our date already!"

After a long moment's hesitation, Apple replied, "Okay. Fine. It's better than doing nothing..."

"Great!" Lightbulb grabbed her hand and beamed at her. "I know just the date: we're gonna play super secret spies!"

"That sounds a little fun. There are lots of the letter S in it." Lightbulb began to drag her along. Apple just followed, submitted.

Nearly a minute later, it dawned on her.

"...Wait a second, what's a spy?"

XXX

"Lightbulb, we should not be doing this!" Apple whisper-yelled.

Lightbulb put a finger over her face. "Shhh! Shh... or do I need to kiss you quiet?"

"N-no!"

The only indication to the outside world that the "couple" was arguing was a few rustles of the bush they were hiding in. The people they were spying on weren't paying any attention whatsoever, though.

Fan and Marsh were sitting on the dock, close enough to one another that Apple's stomach kept doing backflips. They were an arm's length away. And they were talking.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Fan asked.

"That's the fifth or sixth time you asked me, and the answer is always the same. I'm enjoying myself just fine."

"Oh. C-cool."

Apple's heart pounded. The branches surrounding her were sharp and pointy, and poked her.

She whisper-yelled, "Lightbulb, I don't think spying is a good-"

Lightbulb put a finger over her lips and shushed her. "You can leave if you want."

'Ooh, it's so terrible! I hate this!'

But she couldn't tear her gaze away. It was glued to them like, like... well, whatever glue stuck to.

Apple whimpered. She was going to stay, but she wasn't going to like it!

"Did you ever have a boyfriend before you got to be on the show?"

"Why are you asking me about boyfriends?"

"It'd make excellent material for the blog, is all. You're the fan favorite and a lot of my readers would want to know."

There was silence before Marsh laughed nervously. "That definitely doesn't freak me out, at all."

'Shoot, they're getting along so well! I can practically see the 'Will you marry me?' in their eyes! ...Even though they're facing away from us.'

Fan scooted ever so slightly closer to Marsh and slipped an arm around her. "Believe it or not... A big part of why I joined Inanimate Insanity was so I could get to know you and the other contestants better. I'm your biggest and most devoted fan, after all."

"Can you cut to the point? What information do you want from me?"

"All sorts of things. What your parents are like, what makes you tick... what you look for in a partner, how you kiss... And questions about who your friends were. I have lots of them. Purely as your fan, o-of course, and as a friend."

Apple's hand became a fist.

'He better not!'

Kissing was horrible! It made you grow up way too fast. Apple never wanted to kiss someone until she was ready, which wouldn't happen for a long, long time.

But if Marsh did it, they wouldn't be the same maturity anymore. And Marsh wouldn't want to fingerpaint, or spend time with someone who liked games and fingerpaints and crayons like Apple did.

The thought made her sick to her stomach in a big way. If Marsh and Fan kissed and dated, that meant Marsh would have less time to be with Apple. If Marsh spent less time with Apple, there wouldn't be as many opportunities to make up for all the garbage they did to one another.

'We hardly even know Fan! Maybe he's evil or something!'

Fan angled his face towards Marsh and leaned closer. "Will you answer a few of my questions?"

Apple could sense her discomfort even from right there. Lightbulb vibrated with excitement beside her.

"Um... Ask away?"

On impulse, Apple grabbed a rock and threw it as hard as she could. It sailed through the air.

It hit Marsh so hard that she fell into the water with a scream.

'Doh, curse my bad aim!'

Fan gasped and leapt to his feet. "Marshmallow, you just reminded me of my most important question! Why do time and space bend to your will? You have a time machine and this gravity thing. Fans are dying to know, did you make a deal with the devil or something?"

Marsh spluttered for a moment, then exclaimed, "Fan, um, I totally forgot that I have somewhere to be. I'm going to be running late if I don't go right away."

"Aww... Are you sure?"

Marsh swam up to the shore and crawled up it. "Yep; sorry about that! Bye!"

Apple flinched as Marsh race-walked very, very close to their bush. But she didn't check it.

She sighed with relief when she wasn't spotted. Thank goodness the status quo hadn't changed from the interaction.

Thank goodness.

Fan looked confused, but not heartbroken, as he mused to himself, "It's such a shame; that was going so well. She didn't even answer my questions! ...Ah well. Maybe I can convince Baseball to answer some for me."

As Fan walked away, the tension released from Apple's shoulders. Lightbulb stuck her head out of the bushes. "Well, that was anticlimactic. It's a shame; them kissing would've been pretty entertaining. A lot like a radish fight, actually. But I guess Marsh keeps her lip purity for another day."

Even though she didn't know the word entertaining, she stood up. "Thank God."

Lightbulb leaned against her with a cool grin. "You'll get it when you're older."

"What's there to get?"

"Lots of stuff. You'll see."

"Ugh. As long as it's when I'm older, I'm fine with it. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack... Why'd you trick me like that? Now I feel bad I didn't keep my promise. Some friend I am."

"You got her out of a sticky situation, which makes up for it. Not that I think Fan woulda kissed her anyway, because that sure didn't sound like a date."

"I-I guess, b-"

"Say no more, child. You're the hero as long as you keep it secret." She gave her shoulder a light punch. It clearly wasn't intended to hurt, but Apple still rubbed her arm, because it did hurt. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go tell Tall Fella that his time in the calm-down-corner is up. See ya!"

'...I guess she's right. I protected her from having to kiss someone she didn't want to kiss... even if I did throw a rock at her. And this'll make a great spooky story if I change the setting up a little and make Marsh a monster. If Lightbulb says it's good, how bad can it be?'

Apple grinned to herself.

She was still the hero of the day as long as Marsh never found out.