The first time Dainsleif coughed flowers was during a royal banquet for Lumine's birthday.

The princess snuck out of the ballroom, an unopened bottle of champagne hidden under the sleeves of her gown as she headed to the empty balcony.

Naturally, he followed her.

"Perfect, champagne doesn't taste so good when you're drinking alone," Lumine says, turning around with a smile on her face as she looks at Dainsleif. The knight chuckles, realizing that she knew all along that he was trailing behind her.

"What kind of a personal knight am I if I let you drink alone?" he tells her, taking the bottle of champagne from her hands and popping it open.

"Ooh, does that mean you're not going to insist on being my designated sober companion tonight?" the princess asks teasingly.

With his role in the palace, Dain would often refuse at first whenever she asks him to drink with her. He'd put on his strict face and say something about duty and responsibility – plus the whole "a knight doesn't drink while he's on the clock", as if he isn't on standby 24/7.

"What's the point," Dainsleif answers, rolling his eyes playfully as he hands her back the champagne. "You talk me out of it every single time anyway."

Her every wish is his command.

Lumine grins. She takes a swig of champagne straight from the bottle and offers the next to Dainsleif, who raises an eyebrow at her.

"A knight drinking from the same bottle as the kingdom's beloved princess? I don't think that's –" he begins to say, but Lumine cuts him off by raising the bottle to his lips.

"Then don't think," she tells him matter-of-factly. "Really, Dain, why do you like making things so complicated?"

The blonde man sighs and gives in, downing one long shot from the bottle.

"It's not making things complicated," he says, tongue running over his lips to clear it of remaining champagne. "I just know my place, that's all."

And his place is definitely not sharing an indirect kiss with Lumine through a wine bottle.

"Archons, I hate it when you say things like that," the blonde girl groans, nonchalantly taking another sip of champagne. "Princess, knight – those things are just titles. They don't define our relationship, nor should it set a line for it."

She never did keep a boundary between them. For better or for worse, Dainsleif isn't sure.

They drink together in silence afterward, the music and sounds of laughter and people talking from the ballroom all drowned out as they gaze at the night sky together.

The stars sparkle brightly like Lumine's golden eyes, and it's so unfair that her beauty shines under the moonlight just as much as it dazzles under the sun. Like the cosmos, she kindles his wonder - and oh does he want to explore every bit of her. He already knows her better than most people do, but there are times when he finds himself wanting more.

But like the night sky, the princess is someone that he can't reach. Like the stars, he is only meant to admire her from afar. He is only meant to protect her so that she could keep shining; anything beyond that isn't for him.

This is their reality. Even if they grew up in the palace together, Dainsleif and Lumine have different roles in society. No amount of stolen quiet moments with each other will change that.

Lumine's light poke on his arm breaks him out of his internal musings, her pout greeting him when he looks at her.

"Hey, I just realized: why haven't you asked me to dance yet?"

Dainsleif blinks innocently. Knights don't usually dance with a princess - but he knows that Lumine would kick him in the shin if he says that. "You think I'd dare to cut in between princes and sons of ministers?" he replies instead.

"You should've," the princess huffs and grumbles like a little kid. "Some of them kept stepping on my foot. Isn't it your duty to keep me safe from harm?"

Dainsleif chuckles, slightly shaking his head in disbelief because damn, he thought that knowing how to dance was requisite for princes. 

(Part of him is also a little relieved that none of those men she danced with had caught her fancy. How very selfish of him.)

"My apologies, Your Highness. That didn't cross my mind."

The princess crosses her arms, lifting her chin as her lips form a playful smile. "Thy apology would only be accepted if we dance."

"Now?" Dain asks, raising an eyebrow at her.

The blonde girl nods, extending her hand for him to take. "Yeah, why not? We can still hear the music from the ballroom here, and I've always wanted to try dancing under the moonlight."

Dainsleif could never say no to her - not because he's supposed to follow her orders as her knight, but because seeing her happy makes his day a whole lot brighter.

She deserves the world and more. And if she wants it, he'd give it to her - or die trying.

They dance in the dark, the atmosphere so satisfyingly tranquil and saccharine.  Dainsleif relishes the feeling of having Lumine in his arms, her hand on his shoulder giving him inexplicable warmth.

"You're a much better dancer than anyone who has ever tried dancing with me tonight," Lumine whispers, leaning her head against his chest.

Dainsleif's lips stretch into a tender smile, a look of pure adoration in his eyes as he tries to keep his heartbeat steady.

And that's how he knew that he had fallen for her.

It's only too bad that when Lumine waltzes back into the ballroom and returns to being the kingdom's princess, Dainsleif begins to feel an odd itch in his throat.

He doubles over in pain, his airways tightening as violent fits of cough force their way out of his mouth.

From a distance, he watches men flock to her and ask her for another dance. He watches her smile and accept their request - and he can't help but compare the way he held her in his arms to theirs.

He coughs. He keeps coughing. Why won't it stop?

It feels like something is lodged in his throat and it's forcing its way out of him. It feels thorny and painful, scratching his insides and making it hard to breathe. He covers his mouth when he feels it make its way out.

What he didn't expect to see in his hands after are dainty light blue petals.

Their resemblance to the flowers he gave to Lumine when he swore to be by her side as a loyal knight is so uncanny. It almost makes him laugh.

•---------•

Hanahaki. That's what the doctor told him; that's the name of the disease that's been haunting him for the past few weeks.

"It's a very rare condition caused by unrequited love. It will go away once you know that the person you love returns your feelings. Otherwise, it will only get worse until you reach the point of death," the doctor explains.

Dainsleif's face pales. "Is there no other cure?"

If he dies, who will protect Lumine? Who will make sure that she's always safe from harm?

"There is," the doctor says, but the ominous look on his face tells Dainsleif that he wouldn't want to hear the other option.

"We can remove the roots through surgery, but it doesn't come without consequences. Once the roots are gone, your special feelings and memories of that person will disappear as well. You'll forget how much they meant to you, how much you loved them, how much you cared for them."

Dainsleif should've felt relieved that he isn't doomed to die. He should've felt relieved that there is a way to stop his stupid heart from hoping that the princess falls in love with him as well. He should've felt relieved that there is a way for him to go back to being just a knight to Lumine.

But he isn't. To someone who could only love from afar, those memories are too precious to give up. Those memories are too precious to lose.

•---------•

Despite the doctor's warnings, Dainsleif stubbornly chooses to live with his disease instead of getting an operation. Of course, telling the princess about his feelings and his hanahaki isn't part of the options.

He isn't supposed to fall in love with her anyway.

He continues doing his duties and accompanying Lumine as if things are fine and normal - as if he isn't dying as each day passes. He could handle it, at least that's what he tells himself every time he tries to hide in the corner to cough. From petals, he already began vomiting whole flowers - which isn't a good sign at all.

He's great at acting like she doesn't make butterflies flutter in his stomach anyway like today.

Lumine tries to keep her balance as she walks on the rim of the palace garden's fountain, her unsteady steps making Dainsleif worry even if he's holding her hand.

(If anyone asks, he'd deny that his heart is skipping a beat.)

She's been doing this for the last few minutes of her break from paperwork, hoping to momentarily distract herself from the stress.

This is so far from being relaxing, though, Dainsleif thinks.

"If I had a penny for every worry line on your forehead right now, I'll be rich enough to buy a castle of my own," Lumine teases him.

The knight responds with a playful roll of his eyes. "I wonder who's the reason for it?"

(He acts far from someone who's sick, doesn't he?)

Lumine throws her head back laughing which was a bit of a bad idea in hindsight. She stumbles and almost falls into the fountain, had Dainsleif not been quick enough to wrap his arm around her waist and hold her steady.

"Careful!" he blurts out. Lumine, however, only laughs again while he helps her get back on her feet.

"Sorry, sorry!" she tells the knight. "That wasn't intentional, I promise."

"Goodness, Lumine. You're gonna be the death of me someday," he grumbles without thinking.

The princess' playful smile morphs into a thoughtful pout, her golden eyes meeting his blue ones as she leans in his direction.

"As if I'll allow that to happen," she says, suddenly turning serious. She reaches out and rests her hand on Dainsleif's cheek. The proximity makes his breath hitch, his heart racing as he feels her warmth envelop him.

"As my knight, there's only one oath I want you to make: Swear to me that you won't die and leave me to walk around this garden alone. And don't risk your life because of me, promise me that, Dain."

The knight feels guilt flood his heart as he looks her in the eyes. How foreboding.

"It's just an expression, Your Highness," he chooses to say, trying to lighten the mood while swallowing the familiar lump forming in his throat.

It isn't, he knows that it isn't just an expression. But she doesn't have to find out.

•---------•

A look of horror crosses Dainsleif's face when he realizes that Aether - Lumine's brother and the kingdom's crown prince - saw him cough out flowers.

"Please don't tell the princess," the knight begs the moment the doors to Aether's study room closes.

"You're dying, Dain," the prince says, eyes narrowed at the taller blonde man. The three of them grew up together, and that's why he knew right away when the knight mentioned hanahaki that his sister is the reason behind it.

"Look at your hands, they have blood!"

Dainsleif sighs at the sight of his crimson-stained gloves. It's been months since he got his hanahaki and now, he's also coughing blood with the flowers.

Looks like he'll have to throw this one, too. Just like the other gloves and shirts he had stained with blood recently.

"I can bear it," he insists. "I don't want Lumine to get worried."

"Not if she knows that she's the only cure! Lumine loves -"

"Don't."

Dainsleif cuts Aether off before he could even finish that thought. Fists clenched, he glares down at the ground.

"Don't tell me that," he says, voice stern but with an underlying hint of pain. "She's not supposed to and you know that, too."

It's difficult enough that when he looks at her, he sees the only thing in this world that he wants to have, it'd be too unbearable for him to acknowledge that she feels the same way, too. Even without hanahaki, he'd be suffering enough knowing that he can't ever be with her.

These flowers... they were suffocating him not because the person he loves won't love him back.

It's because he can't fall in love with her.

And as her knight who swore to always put her first and never let her get hurt, it's his duty to suppress his feelings and carry the burden of loving from the sidelines.

This is for the best. She shouldn't know.

Dainsleif doesn't sleep at the palace that night. Instead, he goes to his humble home in the capital. No one has stayed there anymore since his parents passed away years ago, and he only gets to stop by once in a while because he's too preoccupied with staying by Lumine's side.

He's alone, which means he doesn't have to hide when he feels the need to throw up. Within a few hours, his bedroom floor becomes cluttered with flowers and petals - all of which came from him.

It's obvious from the traces of crimson staining the pure and beautiful light blue hue of the flowers.

Dainsleif bitterly chuckles. He grabs a basket and picks up the by-products of his hanahaki, which he then shoves inside his bedside cabinet.

He couldn't even bring himself to hate these flowers - all because they remind him of Lumine still. She loves these flowers; ever since he gave her these flowers from the North Mountain, they've become her favorite.

Life is too damn cruel.

•---------•

It only takes a few more weeks since he started coughing blood for Dainsleif's hanahaki to get worse.

Running to a corner wouldn't do anymore, because there are too many flowers and blood that he'd throw up. His coughing fits have also become more frequent and every single time, it felt like he was being strangled by invisible vines.

"You can't protect her if you keep on throwing up like this," Aether would tell him over and over again. "You have to do something."

But Dainsleif, stubbornly standing by his decision, would keep on refusing. Even when he's on the brink of collapsing because he can't breathe, all he'd say is "Don't let her see me like this."

Aether would shake his head and say that he hates lying to his sister. And Dainsleif would only tell him, "Neither do I."

The human body isn't indestructible, though. There's only so much it can take, especially when it comes to hanahaki.

The doctor has been warning Dain all along, but did he listen? No.

Aether finds him passed out on the castle grounds. And thank the gods that it was he who did instead of Lumine, because Dainsleif was already in a near-death state.

She would've freaked out if she was in her brother's place.

The crown prince takes the ill knight to the doctor, just in time before he vomits a close to fatal amount of flowers and blood.

"You have to decide now," the doctor tells Dainsleif. His hanahaki is at its final stage; his airways are closing and his lungs are collapsing. If he doesn't do anything, he'll die at this moment.

"Tell her that you love her or get the surgery."

Lumine made him promise that he wouldn't die, especially not with her as the reason. But he can't burden her with his feelings. Not when they can't be with each other anyway.

He only has one choice.

"Aether, can I ask you a favor?" he manages to say, his voice as frail as his body.

The doctor already informed them that it'll take months before Dainsleif's body fully recovers. Mainly because he dragged on his sickness for too long. It'd be months without seeing Lumine. But that's nothing compared to the years of memories with her that he'd lose.

After a moment of hesitation, the crown prince nods. He doesn't agree with Dainsleif's choice, but it's not his place to decide for him. All Aether can do is help.

"Go on. I'll try my best to get it done," he says to his sick friend. And that's when Dainsleif lists instructions for when he wakes up.

Ask him to always call her by her name.

Tell her he's at the kingdom's northern border for a mission.

Never remind him of his feelings.

And most importantly: Don't let her know the truth.

A single teardrop slips from Dainsleif's eye when he feels the cold blade on his skin. For one last time, he thinks of Lumine's smile, the warm one that's only reserved for him when they're alone together.

Dain, he imagines her calling him fondly. The feeling of her hand in his...it'd be gone from his mind when he opens his eyes again.

It takes a while, but the flowers and their roots disappear fully. As if they never existed in the first place. He could breathe again. The excruciating pain isn't there anymore.

His lungs finally feel free, but his heart feels numb and caged.

It's a pity that love has to be this way. That people have to choose between loving someone unrequitedly to death and loving someone so dearly only to forget.