Somz was sitting in the center of the football field. It was dark and deserted here at this late hour, far ahead he could see the white goal post, and there was an identical one right behind. Both had the same function, and at some point of life or the other, he has defended from both the posts - but today, when there was no match, and he was sitting right in the middle of the ground, which one was his post? The one before him, or the one behind him? He looked down and sighed, still clutching his knees to his chest - the soft grass below her were damp from the slight shower of the evening.

Somz was in the cross roads of life, he needed to make a clear choice, both his identities played out before him like the two goal posts - the one in front of him was Somz, the one behind was Soumya - until now he had chosen Somz, but after what happened an hour or so back, he wasn't sure of his choice anymore, he felt like he was literally stuck in the middle of the field and Soumya was the post right behind him - so far Soumya wasn't visible, but now she is - Somz shuddered at the realization. He shut his eyes tight and a lone tear escaped him - it brought him back to the fresh memories of an hour back, when he came here with Rudra.

Flashback begins

He was sitting right here, with Rudra beside him. He was very agitated, Anika's words were eating him inside - on one side was the lucrative offer that if he proved it that he wasn't a girl, all would accept him as Somz, how he wanted things to be, but that would come only at the cost of forcing himself to be intimate with a random man? How could he bring himself to that? How could he oblige anyone? Who would understand? Wait did that mean, somewhere he had persuaded himself to go through that temporary hell? What was rape, he wondered, literally what did it mean? Wasn't it forcing someone to a sexual act without his consent? Wasn't he doing the same to himself? Wasn't he forcing himself to an act of intimacy which his heart didn't give consent to? But the dream of being accepted as who he really was, it was too powerful, it kept nagging him - how was he to go about it, he wondered.

Rudra was sitting quietly next to Somz noticing him. Somz was very disturbed, much more disturbed then he could gauge, he had agreed to come to the football field with hope of some answers, but he wasn't sure how to ask them now. Somz seemed too far - too lost in his own world.

"Somz, what is it mate?" he whispered. It brought Somz back to his present; he looked back in shock to realize Rudra was still beside him. He gave him an agitated look and opened his mouth to explain, but nothing came out - where was he to begin from? Rudra understood the dilemma.

"Buddy, you can count on me. I will understand" he gently encouraged him. He was right, thought Somz, only Rudra could come close to understanding - close to - but that was the best hope he had, after all this guy had always understood him and accepted him as he was - he fought for Somz, to instill Somz's believe in others too - that Somz was a guy! Not a girl!

Somz smiled helplessly, a little teary eyed. Rudra was alarmed, in his fifteen years of friendship with Somz, he never cried, what could have possibly happened? He automatically got close to Somz and hugged him consoling him. "Hey mate, it's okay, I have your back, you know right?" he soothed him gently. Somz only hugged him tighter, holding him tightly in his embrace, Rudra held on, though admittedly he felt a little strange - Somz was feeling different today, he couldn't quite place how. Somz on the other hand was silently holding onto him like he was his strongest pillar, Somz opened his eyes to see her face was near Rudra's neck, the posture felt oddly comforting. He had never hugged Rudra like this before - admittedly it was different from a man-hug. Somz smiled, but Rudra had always been a strong source of comfort for him. He was such kind of a man.

Wait - Rudra is a MAN. How did he not realize this? He always knew, and he was straight, and he understood Somz the most! Surely he would understand! Surely he would help! Hadn't he always helped? Somz knew this was asking too much, but he knew Rudra wouldn't be too mad at him for long, if he didn't ask for it, technically speaking. Asking would probably freak him out, and he would run away for a while - eventually Rudra would have agreed anyway- that Somz was confident, but it would delay the process and Somz wasn't ready to wait.

Somz broke Rudra's embrace and moved slightly back to face him, Rudra looked at him with a comforting smile - seeing his ignorance, a wicked smile flashed in Somz's face.

Rudra saw his smile, it looked different from Somz's usual sly grin - it looked softer, his eyes looked warmer, her cheeks there was a slight tinge of a well hidden shade of pink, and her lips..WAIT! HER!?! This was Somz, Somz was him!! He forced himself to notice her cropped hair, the undone eyebrows and the un-pierced ears, but there was a tinge of felinity in even those, maybe he had never noticed Somz before, not this up close - her face was a masque trying very hard to hide someone, but who? Rudra took in a deep breath and decided to move away from this embrace, it was doing funny things to him - this was his buddy Somz! And Somz would probably castrate him, if he knew what was going on in Rudra's mind. He was just about to pull away when Somz pulled him closer, and before he could understand what was going on, his lips were on Rudra's. Initially it was plain shock that paralyzed Rudra, as he stayed numb while his lips touched his.

Somz in a moment of calculative overdrive, did push forward to kiss him, but once he touched his lip, Somz realized, he was stuck - what to do next? Lick Rudra's lip? Bite it? Push his tongue through his tight lip? What if he didn't open his mouth? Should he punch him in the gut so he opened his mouth to say Oww? But then his thoughts were evading him slowly, as all his senses were directed to his lips that were on Rudra's. It felt strange he thought - good strange! Warm and soft, he unconsciously nibbled them a little.

Rudra had no idea what took over his senses when he felt Somz nibble at his lips, yes the shock did fade, and he could move - but instead of moving away from him, he moved closer to Somz - he softly took in his lower lip - they were soft and delicious - maybe it was sheer biology, but soon they both were actively responding to each other's move. Rudra slowly took his hands near Somz's waist and put his hand under his lose tee-shirt, as his hand circled on the skin of his well toned waist, Rudra gently nudged his tongue into entering Somz's mouth, The kiss was getting passionate - but Rudra could feel the familiar smell of fags - Somz's clove scented fags, and the waist, though the curve was perfect, it wasn't soft, it was tough and muscular, like a man's who played football, like Somz's thought Rudra with a soft laugh - it was this laugh that brought them out of the trance and they both opened there eyes in outrageous shock. "SOMZ" Rudra screamed out in realization and jerked away in shock. Somz was staring back at Rudra in equal shock - wasn't this going to be rape-like for him? "Rudra" he stammered. As he saw Rudra struggle to stand up on his feet.

"What the hell was----" Rudra chocked, he couldn't finish his statement as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Somz" "Guy?!?" were the only audible words Somz could catch. Then before almost running away, Rudra looked back at Somz, rage clear in his eyes, "See you around mate - in another billion years or more maybe" he said through gritted teeth and made a dash from there, staggering at the memory of how attracted he was to a guy all of a sudden.

As he watched Rudra run for life, Somz stared at his retreating figure, he was amused, shocked, enraged, and dumbfounded to say the least.

Flashback ends

Somz opened his eyes and realized he was still sitting in the same place he was ever since Rudra left. A lot of thoughts aroused in him ever since - the most dominating one was a fleeting thought of a line Anika had told him,

"Go close to a man, really close, get intimate, maybe kiss him? Then see, if your body reacts differently than a man's should. Then come and talk to me"

Was Anika right? NO, she isn't, Somz was a guy. He thought this was going to clear the doubts in other's mind that he was a guy, never could he imagine that this could actually instill a tiny doubt in his own head - is he a guy? Is the existence of Somzya a possibility he was too stubborn to acknowledge? Somz was clearly facing an identity crises - Anika's plan had horrendously gone wrong on him - he was a boy he screamed inside his head, but he couldn't deny that he loved the sensation of Rudra's lip on his - ugh - but true, there was simply no point denying that.

It was an internal conflict like no other Somz had faced so far - his reality, his perception and his understanding about his true nature felt shaken, and he was not ready to accept it - his brain was working super fast, in order to come up with a suitable solution to accept his behavior, given the ground that he was a guy, but so far none came.

As he slowly got up and decided to go home, it struck him like lightening - the perfect reasoning that justified his behavior. He stood there amazed at the realization, it was massive in itself, but when compared to the identity crises he was slipping into, this seemed easier to accept. Somz heaved a sigh of relief, "So, I am gay."

***

Rudra was sitting in his bedroom with a bottle of beer in his hand, he was still in shock - holy cow! How the f**k did it happen? Why did Somz kiss him? Why did he kiss him back? Crap crap crap!! This was surely to complicate things - why the hell did he take his hand under his tee-shirt? YUCK. What was he thinking? Was he possessed?!?! Damn it!

How couldn't meet Somz in the eye now. Neither could. He wouldn't want to face him ever - ever in his life - FREAK