S H O U L D  H A V E  L O O K E D  U P

When I first saw her, I was full of awe. The second time I see her, I'm confused.

"What happened to her?" I whisper to Lena, pointing as subtly as I can to the girl across the room. "She looked so pretty yesterday, but today..."

Lena frowns at me disapprovingly. "That's rude, Carter. Don't be a jerk. Just because she changed her appearance doesn't mean—"

"No, that's not what I meant," I interrupt, waving my hands defensively. "Pretty wasn't the right word. Feminine, maybe? Yeah, that's more like it. You know what I mean, right?"

Lena nods, though she's still frowning at me. But I'm not wrong—yesterday, the girl had styled her hair, worn makeup, and been a cheerful, bubbly presence in the back of the classroom. But today, her short hair is ragged, she wears no makeup, and her clothes look like they belong to her brother.

"Do you think she's okay?" I ask.

"If you're so concerned, why don't you go ask her yourself?" Lena retorts. I bite back a sigh and slump in my seat, waiting for class to begin.

I don't care that much. Right?

~/~/~/~/~

"So," Lena says as she sits down at the lunch table. "I talked to them. Their name is Jordan. They're bigender."

"You mean the girl from our math class this morning?"

I receive a prompt smack on the shoulder. "Were you listening to anything I just said, Carter? They're not a girl. Not today, at least. Today, they're a boy, but they said they preferred using they/them pronouns."

"But..."

"Carter." Lena's tone is low and sharp, and there's a cold edge to it that makes me shiver. "There are no buts. You will respect their choices, because that's what they deserve."

"That's not what I was going to say," I object. "I'll respect them, I promise. I just...don't understand how someone can feel like that."

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple," Lena says with a wry smile. I furrow my brow and repeat her words over and over again in my head, but when I look to her for clarification, she doesn't elaborate.

~/~/~/~/~

I see Jordan walking as I drive home that afternoon, but that alone isn't what catches my eye. It's the fact that they're practically running from a group of boys yelling something at their back.

I pull my car over to the side of the road on a whim, rolling my window down. "Hey," I call out after confirming that the small group is indeed calling out insults. "Your name's Jordan, right?"

The group of guys comes to a standstill, as does Jordan, who casts me a cautious glance. "Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?" someone echoes. "Get out of here, pretty boy. This is none of your business."

"So what, I'm supposed to just let you insult them?" I clench the steering wheel to stop my hands from trembling and muster the most menacing glare I can. They can't hurt me if I'm in the car, right? "I'm not going to do that. They're my friend's friend. I'm Lena's friend," I add for Jordan's benefit, because they probably don't recognize me. "Do you want a ride?"

Jordan eyes me with surprise, but then one of the guys takes a step forward, and they hastily get in the car.

"Damn," I hear as I roll up the window. Jordan flips off the guy in response.

"Feisty," I comment. "Good for you. Now, where am I taking you?"

"Uh, home? Like you said?"

I nod. "Yes, but where is that?"

"Oh. Now I feel like an idiot. Sorry. Turn right at the traffic light, then it's the fifth house on the left."

"Okay. I'm Carter by the way. Lena's friend. Lena said she talked to you this morning."

Jordan smiles a knowing smile. "Oh, were you the one who was curious about me?"

I splutter. "Is that what Lena told you?"

"Well, is it not true?"

I blush and keep my eyes trained on the road so that I have no chance of meeting Jordan's gaze. "No, I guess it is."

~/~/~/~/~

"I can't stop looking at them, Lena. What do I do? I try to focus in class, but then they're there and I just can't."

She smirks and takes a bite of her lunch. "Well, why can't you stop looking at them?"

"I don't know!" I whine, smacking my forehead on the table. "I just can't! But they make my stomach feel all weird."

"I think you like them," Lena says bluntly, then flashes me a brilliant smile as if she didn't just say something insane.

My head snaps up, and I can feel my cheeks catch fire. "What? I've only known them for two weeks! That's ridiculous!" I cry indignantly. "Why would you think that?"

"I've seen how you can't stop looking at them, and it's pretty cute. Can you honestly tell me you don't?"

"I...crap."

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple," Lena had told me. At first, I hadn't understood what she'd meant. But now, I think I get it. The answer is that it doesn't matter to me. I don't care how they can feel that way, even if I don't understand it. I'm still drawn to them anyway.

I smack my forehead against the table again. Is this what despair feels like? "I've never had a crush before, Lena. I don't know what to do."

"What happened?" I hear someone ask. It's Jordan. Crap. "A crush, I hear? Girl troubles?"

Lena looks Jordan up and down. "Not exactly."

Jordan raises an eyebrow. "Boy troubles?"

"Not exactly that, either." Lena's smirking and I'm dying of embarrassment because Lena's being far too obvious.

"Lena. Stop."

"You're no fun, Carter," she says with a pout. "But fine."

Jordan leaves with an unreadable expression on their face.

~/~/~/~/~

"You should ask them out," Lena says one afternoon. "It's only been a few days, but I'm tired of watching you like this. You look stupid."

"Gee, how supportive of you. You're an amazing friend."

"I'm only kidding." She giggles. "Well, kind of. When you watch Jordan, your eyes get all sappy and your jaw just kind of hangs there. It's pretty funny."

"You're really not helping. At all. It's hard enough for me to admit that I like them. Asking them out is a totally different matter! There's no way they like me, because I just look like a bumbling idiot. You know it's true. So stop pushing me."

When I look up, Lena is staring down at her phone with her earbuds in, not paying any attention to me. And even though I know she's doing this on purpose just to annoy me, I can't help but sigh.

~/~/~/~/~

I'm still sitting on the bench in front of the school hours after everyone else has left. I'm not quite sure why I'm still here, but somehow, I can't bring myself to get up. Instead, I just stare at the ground.

Lena's shoes appear in my vision, and I sigh, not even bothering to look up. "Lena, seriously. You need to stop telling me to ask Jordan out. There's no way they like me, so I'd just be making a fool of myself, and—"

"Um," I hear. The voice is definitely not Lena's. I look up.

It's Jordan. Of course.

"You have the same shoes as Lena," I say stupidly, because I don't want to say what needs to be said.

"I guess I do," they say, taking a seat on the bench beside me. Their arm brushes mine, and my skin tingles. God, kill me now. "So. You gonna ask me out, or what?"

A blush floods my cheeks. I bring my knees up to my chest and bury my face because I'm a coward, and I'm embarrassed, and this is awkward.

Jordan sighs. "Carter, really? I'm giving you such an obvious chance here, and you're just going to waste it?"

I swallow hard, fighting against the sudden dryness in my mouth. Because if I'm not going to do it now, then when will I? "Willyougooutwithme?" I mumble, the words tripping over one another. When I dare to peek up, Jordan is smiling.

"What was that?" they ask. "I couldn't quite understand you."

"Will you go out with me?" I repeat after taking a long, shuddering breath.

"Yes," they say.

"Really?"

"Do you want me to be joking?" They take my hand in theirs and squeeze it reassuringly. "I'll go out with you. See, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"I've never liked anyone before," I admit shakily. "I don't..."

"You don't have to be scared," Jordan murmurs. "Just let it happen. Meet me here tomorrow after school, okay?"

"Okay," I mumble, and then they're walking away and I'm left sitting stupidly on the bench.

Lena was right, I guess. The answer really is simple.