Pain. That's all I want. Every time I stop to question this craving, the urge grows until it takes up all the thinking space in my brain.

    There has to be more than this... Something more that I want. Something worth living for. Not just going through with my heinous deeds and sins. What I do is atrocious, despicable, unforgivable. And yet... that's what I love about it.

    I don't want to only be known for those side-projects I do. But whenever I think I'm done, it happens again. And again. And again.

    When I finally get some work done, it happens.

    When the boss is finally satisfied with my effort for a moment... it happens again.

    When I finally think my fantasies were kept under control... Again.

    I don't even feel any sorrow for what I've done. I'm perfectly fine with these burdens. I barely think anything of it. That's the real crime. The fact that I don't care. I just start thinking of when I will play my little games again.

    Blood, pain, screams, writhing in my dreams. I look forward to it. I want it again. I wish to instill this again. I need it.

    Damn it. It's happening again.

    Boss made me like this. He created me like this. It's his fault. His responsibility for all my actions. I'm past the point of right or wrong. There's no use resisting. If I keep satisfying my visions, then I can just blame it on the bossI .

    Heh, I'm thinking about how I'll do it again. I can't get it out of my head. And I don't want to. I want to embrace the animal within me. No, I am already an animal, and worse.

    And I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm content. I'm glad. I'm proud. I am overjoyed!

. . .

I should probably search up how a masochistic mindset functions, but oh well, this is the "rough" version of Bane. I guess this is how I think his mind works...? I don't really know.

I'm just trying to expand my abilities the best I can.

Then again, this is a character I haven't "released" yet. And no one but me knows his personality, so... no one would know it's wrong 😂.

Dunno, gonna go. See ya.

~Shaye