"Crap, crap, crap!" Cursing under my breath, I rushed down the corridor towards the staircase. "We've got to get down there! We've got to intercept them! We—"

A granite hand closed around my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. "Mrs Ambrose. Stop."

Outraged, I whirled on him. "Don't you understand? Those are my friends out there, come to rescue us! With Patsy, that probably means kicking down the door, kicking the closest man in the bollocks, and dragging me and Adaira off to escape to Australia! We have to get to her before she finds Adaira!"

"I know. But not yet."

"Not yet? Then what the heck do you want us to do?!"

"Change your wardrobe." My dear husband narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. "Or do you wish to appear in front of your friends and family as your own brother who doesn't actually exist?"

"I—"

My voice died after just one syllable. Bloody hell! He was right. For some reason—

Cowardice?

Shut up, inner voice! For some reason that definitely wasn't cowardice, I had never gotten around to telling my friends and favourite sister about my proclivity for crossdressing. Only Amy, who, thanks to her profound professional experience, possessed the amazing skill to distinguish male from female, had found out my little secret.

My little sister Ella, on the other hand...

I swallowed.

And Patsy.

I swallowed thrice in quick succession.

"Um..." I cleared my throat. "Maybe you are right, Mr Ambrose, Sir. We should head back to my room so I can change into my female attire."

"Indeed."

"Besides, my clothes are a bit ruffled anyway. I should be more presentable when I greet my friends and family."

"Indeed, Mrs Ambrose."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Chop, chop, stop wasting time!"

"Pardon me? What did you just tell me, Mrs Ambrose?"

"Your favourite motto! Now get a move on!"

It seemed like an eternity till we reached my room. The two of us were about to enter when I suddenly froze.

"Oy! Why are you coming in here? You don't need to change your clothes, do you?"

"No. But I do have to watch my wife taking off hers."

Blood rushed to my cheeks.

"You darn scoundrel, you! Outside, now! If you want to be of any help, go find Karim!"

Mr Ambrose's little finger twitched. "I do not wish to watch Karim taking off his—"

"I should bloody well hope not! But do you want to be the one to come between Patsy's iron parasol and whatever poor sod she decides to unleash her wrath on?"

He considered this for a moment.

"Good point. Karim's services will be required. Till later."

And he was gone.

I didn't waste any more time, but instead rushed into my room and started tugging at my shirt. Never in my life had I been so eager to get my clothes off!

Well...there was that one time you were stuck on a sinking ship you couldn't leave unless you were in a dress. And there was your wedding night, when you were rather eager to not be dressed at all. And then there was the time you and Mr Ambrose were—

Oy! I get it, I get it! Shut up, stupid inner voice!

Muttering curses under my breath, I tossed my shirt into a corner and slipped out of my trousers. Now, where was that bloody dress?

When I was finally finished and had successfully assumed my female persona, I dashed out of the room and towards the stairs.

Please, please, please, let me be in time! Let me be in time!

I had been quick, right? Patsy couldn't have gotten her hands on Adaira already, ri—?

"Ah, Adaira!" a familiar female voice boomed below. "There you are, girl!"

Crap!

Instantly, I doubled my pace. I reached the entrance hall just in time to see Patsy grab my sister-in-law and sling her over her shoulder.

"Eeeep!"

"Sshhh! Be quiet, girl, or we won't be able to get out of here unnoticed."

"Um...not that it's not nice to see you again...Patsy, was it?" Adaira spoke in a very calm, very rational sort of voice. "But...why exactly does it look like you're eloping with me?"

"Because I am!"

"Oh. I see. Just wanted to make sure."

"Not eloping eloping, of course!"

"Ah. That is nice to hear."

"No, we're here to rescue you. Come on, girls! Let's find Lilly and get out of here!"

"We won't have to search for long. Look!"

Goddammit, Eve!

I had hardly appeared at the top of the stairs and hadn't even had the chance to get a single word out when my friends spotted me. In a blink, they were at my side, and Patsy started dragging me down the stairs.

"Don't you worry, Lilly! We'll have you out of here in a jiffy, and then you'll be safe from that evil chauvinist. Especially after I beat the crap out of him."

"Wait just a minute, Patsy! This isn't what you thi-aaaaah!"

I should probably have known better. The world was swept away from underneath me and, a moment later, I found myself over Patsy's other shoulder, right next to Adaira. She waved at me.

"Oh, hello, Lilly. Fancy meeting you here."

Despite myself, I felt a corner of my mouth twitch. "Hello, Adaira."

"Any idea what's going on right now?"

"I'd be happy to explain, but first—" Reaching out, I grabbed one of the stone pillars spread through the entrance hall, abruptly halting our progress. "Stop, Patsy, you great big lummox!"

"Oomph!" Patsy grunted as she was suddenly stopped in her tracks. "Hey, Lilly, what are you doing?"

"Stopping you, that's what! Listen, we can't leave! If we do, Adaira will—"

"Don't you worry." Reaching out, Patsy patted my shoulder. "You don't need to be afraid of the big, bad Frenchman. We'll protect you."

And how, pray, are you going to protect us when a bloody marquess sends all the queen's horses and all the queen's men after us for kidnapping his daughter?

Before I could get the chance to ask that question, however, Patsy gave a tug hard enough to dislodge me from the column. Stumbling forward at the abrupt lack of resistance, she bumped into Eve, tripped over her own feet and fell forward, sending us sprawling all over the floor. Patsy ended up on the bottom, with Adaira sandwiched between her and me.

That was the scene in the room when a door to the left opened and Lady Samantha Genevieve Ambrose stepped into the hall. Suddenly, I felt very glad I had decided to change out of my male clothes before coming downstairs.

"Hello everyone, the butler told me we had visitors and—"

Only then did the marchioness' eyes fall on our little lady sandwich. Mouth agape, she froze in place.

"Um...Adaira, dear?"

"Yes, mother?"

"What are you and your friends doing on top of each other?"

My sister-in-law opened her mouth to reply.

Leaning down, I grabbed hold of her and hissed into her ear, "If you dare say 'practising for the wedding night' I will gut you!"

She closed her mouth again.

Of course, since fate was an evil witch who hated me, that was the moment when Patsy decided to speak up.

"We came to rescue your daughter! Quick, please help us! We've got to get her out of here before they get her!"

"They...get her?"

Blinking, Lady Samantha glanced over at me and, in a stroke of brilliance, I lifted my hand to my head and wiggled my fingers in a "scrambled eggs up here" motion.

Her Ladyship's eyes lit up in understanding and pity.

"Ah. Oh, I see." Nodding, she walked over and knelt beside Patsy, patting her shoulder. "I completely understand."

Patsy's face brightened instantly. "You do? Really? Older ladies usually don't agree with my ideas."

"Oh yes, of course I do. Don't you worry." The marchioness reached out to help untangle Patsy from the pile of femininity and pulled her to her feet. "We'll get Adaira out of the house so 'they' cannot get to her. Where do you think she will be safe from 'them'? The garden? The back yard?"

"Of course not! We'll have to get her to London at least, or else they'll hunt and catch her!"

"Ah, I see. That certainly makes sense. I'll have the carriage prepared immediately. Why don't you come with me for now? We have a nice guest room with a nice, soft, padded bed. Maybe we can even get the walls padded as well..."

"The walls?" Patsy frowned. "Why the heck would you want padded walls in a guest room?"

"Oh, um...to keep you safe from 'them', of course. Now, come along. Let me show you your new room."

At that point, I should probably have rescued my friend from the clutches of my mother-in-law. However, unfortunately I was far too busy laughing my arse off. I had gotten far too few opportunities for a good laugh these days, so I welcomed this one with open arms. Judging by the way they were rolling around on the floor, clutching their stomachs, Amy, Eve and Adaira seemed to share my opinion. Only Flora and Ella, bless their harmless little hearts, seemed to have no clue what was going on.

Just then, a door to the right crashed open, and Mr Ambrose, followed by a heavily armed Karim and half a dozen men, strode into the hall.

"I've come with reinforcements! Now, where is that woman?"

I stared at him for a long moment—then started laughing again.

A muscle in Mr Ambrose's cheek twitched. "Mrs Ambrose?"

"Yehehehehes?"

"What, pray, is going on?"

"To be honest, I'd like to know that, too."

Ah. Apparently, my friends had gotten their laughing fits under control, and now were throwing me curious looks. Kudos to them. I was still helplessly cackling.

"When we got here," Eve continued, "we expected to find Adaira desperate to escape the clutches of her lecherous suitor. But Adaira doesn't really seem to be in a hurry to leave. So, what the heck is going on? Was that telegram we found a hoax or something?"

I took a deep breath.

"You found that? Well...no. No, it was not. But we'd better discuss this with everyone present. Let's go visit Patsy, shall we?" I couldn't help but smirk as I looked after the figure being led off by Lady Samantha. "Maybe we can help her pad the walls a little."

***

Five minutes later, we were seated around a table in Patsy's new room. I couldn't help but notice that there were bars in front of the window and lots of soft cushions scattered around everywhere. Inwardly, I took my hat off to Lady Samantha Genevieve Ambrose. She certainly worked fast.

The lady in question currently sat beside a rather confused-looking Patsy, cooing and patting her hand.

"So," Eve piped up, "now are you going to tell us what's going on?"

"Yes." Eyebrows twitching, Patsy threw a glance at the piles of padding scattered everywhere around the room. "I'd like to know that as well."

"Oh, you haven't heard about the ball?" Lady Samantha leapt into the conversation before I could say anything.

Eve blinked. "Ball?"

"Oh yes! We're holding a ball for my lovely daughter." Smiling, she patted Adaira's back. I couldn't help but smile as well, then took a sip of the delicious tea that was being served. "That's probably why you're here, right?"

"Um...Your Ladyship..." The girls exchanged uncertain glances. "Is this really the time for festivities? I thought your daughter was facing a forced marriage. That's why we came, in fact. To see if we can do anything to help her."

"You did? That is so sweet of you!" The marchioness clasped her hands together and almost vibrated with happiness. "But you don't need to worry about that anymore. Dear Lilly's brother is taking care of it."

"Pffffft!"

I sprayed tea through my nose and started coughing. Nobody seemed to notice as almost everyone in the room was staring at Lady Samantha Genevieve Ambrose.

"Um, Your Ladyship..." Ella blinked in confusion. "What do you mean? Lilly and I don't have a bro—mmmph! Ngmmph! Gm!"

"What were you saying, dear?" Lady Samantha enquired.

"Nothing! Nothing whatsoever!" I assured her, tightening my grip over my little sister's mouth. "She's just a little exhausted and confused from the journey, that's all!"

"Oh. Well, if that's all...I'm sorry, but I'll have to take my leave for now. I have to go and take care of my daughter's ball."

Never had I been so glad someone had used a word in the singular form. The genders around here were already confusing enough.

A moment later, the door closed behind Her Ladyship with a click. I breathed a sigh of relief—until I saw the stares of my friends and family focused on me. In particular that of Ella, whose mouth I was still covering with my hand.

"Ehem." Clearing my throat, I removed my hand from my sister's face and took a dainty sip of tea from my cup. "Where were we?"

"You were about to give me a nice, lengthy explanation." My gentle little sister Ella suddenly didn't look so gentle anymore. "What in goodness' name was she talking about? Brother? What is going on?"

"Well..." I took a deep breath. "It seems it's finally time to tell you the truth."

"The truth?"

"Yes."

"Lilly..." Leaning over towards me, Amy, who, besides Mr Ambrose, was the only one here to know about my double identity, placed a hand upon my shoulder. "Are ye sure ye wanna do this?"

"Yes." I gave a firm nod. "My sister, my friends...they deserve to know the truth after all this time."

Everyone's gaze focused on me. Ella especially.

Well then...it was time.

Taking another deep breath, I met her gaze head on.

"The truth is, Ella...we have a brother."

---------------------------------------------

My dear Readers,

Mwahahaha! Did you expect that, everyone? Originally, I thought about letting Lilly tell her sister the truth here, but in the end, taking into account her and her sister's character, I decided against it. Besides, this is much more fun! ;-)

Yours Truly

Sir Rob