I don't know what I'm doing anymore

I don't know how I feel

And I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Every time someone asks me how I am

I want to scream at them, scream how I'm not okay, scream how awful I feel

But I'm forced into saying I'm fine

I hide behind this disguise of optimism and happiness, to keep my family and friends from knowing how dark my mind is

The disguise that I want to throw away, but it feels like its glued to me, unable to break free from it

Even when I say I'm not feeling well, people tell me to go outside and exercise

Or to do the things I love

But I dont truly know what I love anymore

And being outside is like torture, being forced into doing things I dont want to do

I just want to hide in my room, I dont want to leave, I just want to be left alone

That's what my brain thinks it wants

I dont want to be left alone, I want to be seen and heard and understood

But that's hard when you're the outcast

That one kid that almost everyone doesn't like

The kid who gets bullied and picked on, even being told things that aren't true straight to my face

I just want my torture to end, but it feels like it never will

I feel like I'm chained down

The chains holding me down from saying what I want say, saying how I truly feel

I want to escape, escape from this reality, this torture, and the hate towards me

But I can't leave, I'm chained down, and I have no key