thirty-seven.
[flashback]

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Jeongguk tapped the search button with his hands shaking uncontrollably. It's been 4 years. Four goddamn years of not having Kim Taehyung in his life, and it's a fucking struggle for him.

Releasing a nervous breath, he typed the old username of his ex-lover, hoping that it was still the same as before.

kmthkim

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He clicked the search button, his eyes closed as he counted ten seconds before opening them once more. Jeongguk's hopes sunk into despair, as the search engine showed no corresponding matches to the username.

"Tae, where are you?" He whispered almost crying.

It's been four years, and within that span of time, he definitely had no idea on Taehyung's whereabouts. He couldn't even come close and talk to Jimin and Jin hyung because Namjoon would warn him that the two didn't want to see his face... yet. All he needed was timing. He badly needed to talk to the two and find out about Taehyung.

He needed help, so he risked everything just to look for him because obviously, he can't do it alone. He messaged some of his fans, seeking aid regarding of who he was looking for, and fortunately, there were some who took the case seriously, updating him everyday if there was any progress in finding the older.

Until one autumn day, Jeongguk received a notification from an admin of one of his trusted fansites that helped him all the way.

Jeongguk's eyes glimmered with delight, because there was something that stirred up inside of him. He never expected that too much hard work could really lead him into this kind of triumph.

He bit his lip, trying so hard not to smile widely, and copy-pasted the username for him to search on Instagram. As soon as it was done loading, Jeongguk immediately clicked the very first username that popped up. Smiling to himself, he whispered, "It's him... It's really him!"

He was about to click the "Follow" button but his fingers stopped midway when he read Taehyung's bio.

Kim Seolmi is my life.

"Who the fuck is Kim Seolmi?" He muttered in disbelief. Many thoughts ran inside his mind. Maybe it was his girlfriend, or much worse, his wife. But wait, isn't Taehyung gay? Still, that girl can't be nothing to him.

Jeongguk sighed for the nth time that day, and prepared a newly made email for him to use once he create his dummy account.

email: [email protected]
username: justin.seagull
password: ilovejustinbieber143

He tapped the sign up button, put on some picture, which of course, was not him, and set-up his bio to not look suspicious. He then followed Kim Taehyung.

He patiently waited for minutes before his phone vibrated, indicating that there's a notification from one of his applications. His heart started beating wildly when he read, "Kim Taehyung confirmed your request. You can now see his photos! Fuck this shit."

Jeongguk started scrolling through Taehyung's instagram. He had this mixed feelings, which obviously consists of nervousness and a tinge of excitement for God knows why. As he scanned Taehyung's recent posts, he suddenly stopped himself and stared towards a specific picture: a baby.

"Is he a dad already? Is he married?" Tears started filling Jeongguk's eyes, but he fought so hard not to let those stupid things fall.

He wouldn't want to make himself believe that Taehyung had already forgotten him, let alone married to another person which was not him. Jeon Jeongguk felt thousands of needles pierce his already dead heart.

He exited the app, and decided to confide to someone whom he knew he can talk to at the moment. After the third ring, a groggy voice answered his call.

"Jeongukkie?"

"Jimin hyung, can we meet up?"

"Jin wants to come too. Is it okay?" Jimin squeaked from the other line. A conversation with Jin hyung in it is probably better, right?

"Okay, hyung. Meet me at the cafe in front of our company building."

"We'll see you in 10."

Was all Jimin said before ending the call. Jeongguk fixed his disheveled hair before storming out of the building. Once he settled himself inside the cafe, he then patiently waited for the the two to arrive.

"Gukkie!" Jimin called out for his name. He immediately snapped his head to where the  sound came from, and showed them a small smile before ushering them to sit in front.

"Why is it that you want us to meet, Guk?" Jin said coldly. Jeongguk wasn't a fool not to feel that Jin still definitely has a grudge against him. It's been years but they didn't have any proper conversation after the dreadful incident. This was the first time.

"Hyung... first of all, God knows how much I tried reaching out to the both of you, but the hyungs won't let me, so here I am, for the first time in four years, I'm showing my face in front of you to personally say I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for hurting Taehyung. I regret everything, hyungs. I'm really sorry."

Jimin and Jin looked at each other before sighing in defeat, their gazes softening upon staring at Jeongguk who was already caught up in his own tears. The oldest among the three stood up from his seat and transferred beside Jeongguk.

"Hey, it's okay. You're forgiven already, Guk. Namjoon already told us about what really happened. To be honest, we were really angry at how childish it was for you to leave our best friend just because of something so unreasonable. Like you could've just declined Lisa's offer and let her deal with her own shits- I know, Jimin. I'm not bringing up the past again so stop gawking at me like that."

Jeongguk chuckled at Jin's behavior. He couldn't blame him after all, everything was his fault.

"Hyung, I just really want to ask something. I don't know but I can't really sleep tonight if this question is left unanswered," Jeongguk muttered. Jimin beckoned him to continue and he took a deep breath before breaking the ice.

"Who is Seolmi? Who was the baby Taehyung posted on his Instagram? Is he married hyung?" Jeongguk's voice faltered big time, when he asked the question. Jin looked at Jimin's eyes with terror.

The two contemplated whether it was their position to tell everything to Jeongguk because they obviously didn't want to hurt Taehyung, thinking that they have betrayed him, but at the same time, they want to tell Jeongguk the truth because he has the rights to his own child, even though he left and hurt Taehyung.

"Jeongguk, whatever we say, please, don't mention any of these to Taehyung, Yoongi, or Namjoon, okay? Chim and I will be the ones to take care of that," Jin reminded him before coming into a decision to reveal the truth to Jeongguk.

"Jeongguk... Seolmi... She's your child."

Jeongguk's mind completely shut down. His hands clenched tightly around the hem of his shirt. He looked at the two incredulously, as if they were just playing a game at him, maybe because they want to get back at him for hurting their best friend.

"Hyung, no. Don't fucking lie to me. That's not true!" Jeongguk said repeatedly. People started staring at them, weirded out by the fact that three grown men were bawling their eyes out. Good thing the owner of the cafe was a close friend of Hoseok, and probably understood what happened, so he apologized to the customers in behalf of the three.

"Taehyung was already pregnant by the time you left him, Jeongguk. It took us months after we discovered that he was carrying your child. After Joon and I got married, Taehyung decided to move back to Daegu and keep the baby away from you. Guk, we don't have the right to say all of these to you, but you have the right to know everything."

Jeongguk continued to cry in front of his hyungs, letting them see how frail he was feeling, too.

"Hyung, I want to see her. Please, help me meet her."

Jin wanted to say no, but both Jimin and Jeongguk looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry, Taehyung." Jin mentally said to himself before agreeing with the two.

It was new year, when Jeongguk finally had the chance to glance at his daughter from afar, and he swore he instantly fell in love the moment he saw her eyes sparkle in the dark, while she was watching fireworks with Taehyung and her grandmother.

Taehyung was carrying her, and the lights that were produced by the fireworks illuminated both of their beauty. They were so beautiful.

"Happy new year, my loves." Jeongguk whispered, his bunny smile showing rather sad, before getting back inside his car and going home.

As he laid on his bed that dawn, he continued to stare at his camera, admiring the multiple shots he managed to take when he went to Taehyung's hometown.

Then there was this very beautiful shot that stood out among all of them: the moment when Taehyung kissed Seolmi on both her cheeks right after wishing her a Happy New Year.

Jeongguk's tears trickled down on either side of his eyes, as he caressed the screen of his camera.

"I love you both so much."

When Jeongguk woke up at broad daylight, his hands roam around his bed, searching for his phone. As soon as his fingertips touched the device, he felt it vibrate and immediately unlocked it, only to find a message from Jimin.

Jeongguk wiped his face with his forearm and smiled widely to himself. He knew he was genuinely happy.