So yes, the drawing is Hamilton. It's a pony Eliza that I drew a while ago (when I still had the ability to draw ponies) and I stapled it to a series of drawings I made to the song Helpless. On the cover, notice, it says helpless in PAST TENSE. Reason: this series of drawings was dedicated to a crush I had for a while. We both really liked Hamilton and so I used to listen to Helpless a lot cause it related a lot to my current emotion/state. Now I didn't do the whole song cause JFC THAT WOULD TAKE AGES!! (Aaaaand I probably couldn't staple it then) So this crush went to my school and silly me, I ended up asking her out. So I don't know if she said yes out of pity cause I was kind of pulling a Helena (from A Mid-Summer Night's Dream) and probably seemed like REALLY desperate, but she says yes. But also never followed through on that. So I was noticing that she probably doesn't really care about this new relationship and so I texted her saying something around the lines of: Hey, you haven't gone on that date with me yet and I'm starting to think this is more a platonic relationship rn (<--- jk that was just harsh paraphrasing). I will admit, this was my fault because this is basically what ended this. I hadn't been in a relationship before and so I didn't really know what to do. Of course, being effing me, I took action before thinking about the consequences this could possibly have. So she responded by saying something like: yea cool let's just be friends (again with the paraphrasing). So I had made an irreversibly bad decision that cost me something really special. To me at least. Probably not for her. I actually started to really hate myself for this. First broken heart and it was my own fault. You have NO IDEA how many times I listened to Burn (from Hamilton)...it was like three times a day I swear! I was even emo enough to burn some drawings I had made of me and her in my fireplace. I actually took some drawings from this Helpless series booklet, copied them each once (it was a lot) and wrote "I hope that you burn" on all of them and threw them in the fire while singing Burn. I was just angry, not at her as much, but at myself for why I even sent that message. You never know what you have until you lose it I guess. So I started cutting. It wasn't often but I was in a slump. What made it worse was when one of my friends started to go out with her. That hit me even harder, but I tried so hard to be supportive. I think I seemed that way, so I was a pretty successful faker. Then they broke up (about the same way we did) and that's when I started to get infuriated. I was already mad at her and you bet I can hold a grudge, but now she doesn't even recognize our relationship as real. But what's even worse? She recognized her relationship with my friend as real. So I'm the fake "ex" and she's the actual ex-girlfriend. Life's grreeeeeaaat (obvious sarcasm). So I'm taking this booklet that I made and I'm putting it in a time capsule that I'm not gonna have to look at until I'm in Senior Year! Instead of burning it, I get to save it for later (...then maybe burn it XD)
So that's a little rant-y life story. I might talk about Charlie later...but anyways please comment or like! Even if you look at it, that'd be great thanks. Don't worry about the cutting though, that's mostly under control now. Also, if any of my friends from school are reading this (cause I know y'all do!), you wanna know why I still hold a grudge? There! There it is! It's not at all my friend's (the actual ex) fault and I do take ownership, but there are some reasons why. Not 13 though...
I don't mean to sound whiny, but that really needed to be written somewhere or I'll most likely explode. I almost tried to kill my "ex" in dodgeball yesterday, but I kept missing cause I've got shit aim! I just wish she'd said no when I asked her. It would've been blunt, but it would've saved me a lot of pain! And I would've gotten over it sooner. Yea, maybe next time I'll keep it shorter but I have a lot to say and of course it does relate to the drawing...that's why it's in here....I should really just get a rant book..
SEE YA BISHES /)