5 months later

You are my hope.

You are my light.

Your smile gives me a new life.

I run my fingers over the most elegant locket hanging around my neck and then lift my gaze to the front. It's been six months since I survived that deadly gunshot. It's been six months since I discovered I was pregnant and it's also been six months since I found Christopher left me forever. When I look back in time, I realize that so much has changed since then. Max and Peter finally got punished for what they did. However, Peter's businesses were still under investigation, so Becky had to find a new accountant job in another firm. I was happy to know that Colby got his bail. He came to meet me before he left for London to sort out some stuff. It feels weird to think about it but my parents finally got divorced for good. Also, I and Mom moved to a new apartment in the meantime, which is luckily still close to my clinic.

Sam moved a few days ago to start his new term at Stanford. Even after convincing Emily that Sam wasn't going too far, she was still really sad in the beginning to let him go, but eventually, she understood the hardship of the noble profession that Sam chose carried and also how determined he was to achieve what he wanted for his career. In fact, it also inspired her in a way that she is even thinking about getting a master's degree of her own.

It seemed like everyone was moving on and starting a new chapter in their lives, except for me. I feel like I have been stuck where I was exactly the last time. To be honest, in these six months, I have been doing nothing but trying to cope up emotionally with everything that has happened, especially with the shocking part of Christopher's absence. I wouldn't say I particularly succeeded in doing it, but one perk that could state is that I certainly found a way to get out of the dark hole that I felt like falling into without having Christopher in my life.

After all these days of living miserably, I finally felt like surging back to life when I discovered my new obsession. I stare at the ajar door of the glorious church in front of me. It's the same church where I followed Christopher to when he woke up in the middle of the night during his nightmare ordeal. The same church where we sat on the grass and enjoyed each other's company in a calming silence. I still remember the vulnerability in Christopher's tone ringing in my head when he asked me to make a promise to him that night-A promise to stay with him forever. A promise to not think of leaving his side. How stupid was I to not ask him in return to do the same thing that night? Maybe that's the reason why he left me and not the other way round. Why am I thinking about this now? Even if he did, what difference would it have made? He might have still left after making a promise to me like he did.

I shake my head, trying to not dwell on it. This is crazy! What pregnant women would wake up in the middle of the night every week and walk to sit on the bench opposite a church? I look down at my outfit and cringe like I always do. It might look fucking weird, but what I am wearing does have a purpose. I have a long oversized coat and the reason I am wearing it is to not let people notice about this crazy pregnant woman roaming around at midnight. I also have a big handbag which I have kept in front of me, in an attempt to hide my belly. Even if anyone catches me, they would just think that I am some insane woman with a weird sense of dressing, not that I am pregnant.

When I came here, I was highly tempted to sit on the grass, but I knew once I'd sit down, I wouldn't be able to stand up without anyone's help later, so I thought sitting here on the bench would be the best option. Oh, god! I think I really need to get some therapy. I am due in august and I am driving myself fucking crazy this close to it, and it is not at all good for my baby boy. I place my palm over my bump and sigh, trying to calm my nerves.

Yes, it's a boy. I know it probably sounds absurd, but I was truly terrified on the day of the gender revelation. When I found that it's a boy, I couldn't fucking control my tears. I was so emotionally devastated because I knew he was going to be so much like his father, and I couldn't stop my mind from thinking about the day when he'll grow up and I'll look into his eyes and see Christopher's reflection. It would really break my heart, but I know I can do nothing to change it. I don't know how I'd ever be able to move on with this baby around me that would keep reminding me of what I am missing every fucking second of my life.

I brush away a tear that rolls down my cheek. The main purpose of visiting this place wasn't just to reminisce about the night I and Christopher were here, but it's also because of my crazy newfound imagination. I know this would make you all believe that I have actually lost my mind, but I can't seriously help it. Since I started coming here, I have developed in my head this weird imagination of Christopher walking right here and sitting next to me on the bench. I know it's just my crazy mind making up things, but I still let myself get here just to relive that little moment of joy. Even if it's just a creation of my mind, I still feel thrilled every time I get here just to have that encounter. It's like I get to meet Christopher here in my dream or imagination or whatever hell it is. Wait...what the fuck is wrong with me?

I need to stop this. This is fucking insane. This is not right. I turn to look at the glimpse of the statue of Christ in there and my eyes fill with tears again. Maybe this would be the last time I am being here because I know I can't keep going on like this. For god's sake! I am going to be a mother! I sigh and stare at it for a long time. When I am about to stand up to leave, it happens again and I freeze in my place. I sit there still. Maybe this is also the last time when I am imagining him and no fucking way I am going to miss it. Christopher walks towards me and sits next to me on the bench like I have been picturing him doing for the last six months. It's just crazy to think how real this insanity of my mind feels. I keep my gaze fixed on the church in front of me and he stares along with me. This is what we fucking do, more like my mind does. I just let my brain imagine us sitting here for hours staring at the church and saying nothing. R.I.P my sanity.

"You shouldn't be here at this hour." I hear a familiar voice and I literally freak out.

Fuck! But then I realize something and shake my head in disappointment. "Am I really driving myself insane? Because now I also imagine him to be talking to me. God, why the hell are you doing this to me?" I close my eyes and exhale painfully.

"It's not your imagination, Cole. I am really here." This time, the manly voice that I've missed so fucking much in the last six months resonates again, and I flip my head to the side and blink in horror.

"Christopher?" I gasp, glancing at the love of my life looking right at me.

"Yeah...It's me." He smiles softly as if the past 6 months have never happened. What the fuck?

My eyes widen hearing his response, and before I know I am reaching out to touch him. The moment my fingers touch his skin, a bolt of electricity runs through my spine and I instantly retrieve my hand from his cheek like I have been hit by lightning. A frown appears on his face in response to my action, but he doesn't say anything. Fuck! I can't fucking believe this! He isn't a dream. He is fucking real. So fucking real! I look into his grey eyes and all the emotions come back, crashing over and strike me like a fucking tornado. I almost struggle to find my breathing when I realize that I was looking at his face for the first time in six months. I want to say so many things to him. I want to fight him, curse him, ask him why he left. Why he did that to me and where had he been all this time, but no words come out of my mouth.

My eyes turn blurry, but I still take a moment to observe his features. He looks so different. Different in a good way. He has glasses on, and he looks deliciously clean shaved, which is so unlikely of him because I've always seen him with a beard or at least a slight stubble. His hair is longer and darker than usual, and I notice that he has ditched his usual jacket style. He looks buffer wearing a full-sleeved grey Henley. His muscles are on perfect display through the fabric and it makes me wonder what he had been up to. What the hell did he do to get that body? Damn! He looks sexier than ever and I feel like jumping onto him and never letting him go.

I shake my head at that thought. What the hell are you saying, Nicole? Did you forget everything? He fucking left you without a fucking word. You should be mad at him, not appreciating his body or anything else. Then I remind myself of the time when he went away without giving a fuck about what I went through or having the thought of how I would survive without him. The journey of my suffering immediately gets back on me and my body fills with the same anger that I had tried hard to keep extinguished all this time.

"You shouldn't be out in the night alone, Cole. It could be risky." He says when I keep staring at him.

"You are no one to tell me what I should do or not." I snap angrily. "You lost the right to care for me 6 months ago...when you fucking abandoned me."

He winces, looking hurt, and protests. "I didn't abandon you."

"Oh really? If you going absconding, leaving behind no means for me to reach you doesn't mean abandoning me, then I don't know what the hell abandoning actually means." I clutch my bag tightly and glare at him, reliving all the pain and suffering that I went through in the last 6 months without him. "You fucking left like I never meant anything to you. Do you have any idea how I have been in these last 6 months?" I almost choke on that last sentence as I stare at his face.

Christopher looks at me, and I could see the same emotions reflecting in his eyes. "I left because it was the best decision to do at that time." He raises his hand to touch me, but stops when he sees me still glaring at him. "I just wanted you to be safe and happy." He says in a low tone, looking at me.

"Are you serious, Christopher?" I shake my head, feeling frustrated by his answer. "The man who you believed was your best friend fooled and betrayed you." I look at him in disbelief and continue. "Shockingly, I was kidnapped and shot by the same man who also turned out to be my step-brother. And after going through all this crazy bullshit and every other thing that we fucking endured together, you thought your decision to leave me alone would be the only way to bring peace to my heart?" I almost scream in exasperation when I reach the end. He doesn't say anything and lowers his gaze to his lap.

"No, Christopher, it fucking didn't. You hurt me instead." I try to bite back a sob and tell him.

He stays quiet for a long time and I look away, trying to hold my tears. "That bullet was meant for me. But you took it on yourself. You didn't do anything to deserve it." Christopher says in a low voice and I look back at him. Our eyes meet and at that moment, when I see the pain in them, I realize what he had been carrying in his heart all along. "That day when I was carrying you, almost lifeless in my arms, it fucking terrified me. If something would have happened to you, I would have never been able to forgive myself. Fuck...I would have killed myself, Nicole." His voice cracks and I look at the tormented expression shadowing his handsome face. I don't understand why would he torture himself for something he was never responsible for?

My eyes dart all over his face before I look back into his eyes. "But you didn't make me do anything. How could you take that blame on yourself?" I frown, realizing how wrong he had been making assumptions in his head. "I pushed you and took that bullet on me because I loved you...I would have done it happily again if it was to save you. I don't regret that decision at all."

When he doesn't respond, I sigh and look at him. "Tell me one thing, Christopher. What would you do if our positions were switched? I am pretty sure you would have done the same thing that I did for you." I pause for a moment and then again speak. "Except, in that case, I would have stayed by your side and shown you how grateful I was to you for doing that rather than running away like how you did to me."

"If I'd stayed, you would have died, Cole." He sucks in a deep breath as his grey eyes shine at me. "Right now, if you are alive and safe, it's because I wasn't there with you. You have to believe that you were better off without me."

I lose my patience at his ridiculous reasoning. "Who are you to decide for my life? Huh? Do you think I am a fucking kid that doesn't know what's right or wrong?" I look into his eyes and say. "I am fucking 25-year-old woman. I know what I want in my life and what exactly I am doing with it. How was it fair for you to make a decision for me at the cost of my happiness?"

"It wasn't just me, but..." He stops and then looks at me as if he is struggling if he should say the next line on not.

"But?" I stress.

"Your father believed the same." He sighs.

"What do you mean?"

"We both knew the threat that I possessed to your life. I wasn't good for you. So when he asked me to leave you alone and never come back, I agreed. I did all this just to keep my promise to him and in return, he assured me about keeping you safe."

I blink a few times, repeating his words in my mind. "Oh my god, I can't believe he did that..." I finally say as I stare at him in disbelief, not being able to comprehend what he just said. I can't believe my father did this? All this time, he knew what had happened with Christopher and he never dared to let a word out of his mouth. Fuck! He was the reason why Christopher left and he didn't find it fucking necessary to let me know about it even after seeing how miserable I had been for the last 6 months? How can my dad be so fucked up?

I clench my jaw, feeling the rage take over me again, but this time it's not directed towards only Christopher but both my father and him. I still can't believe they together put me go through all this? "You knew I never liked my father and yet you listened to him. What the fuck was wrong with you?"

"Nicole..." He begins creasing his eyebrows, but I cut him off.

I scream, looking at him. "Don't Nicole me! I don't wanna fucking hear you. Please leave Christopher. This is too much."

"Nicole, please let me explain everything to you."

"No..." I say and I stand up abruptly from the bench. As I do it, the bag I was holding falls from my hand and that's when Christopher's eyes fall on my baby bump. He stands up and looks at me in complete astonishment. His mouth hangs wide open as if he has seen some ghost. And something about his expression tugs at my heart and makes me believe that my assumption was right. Maybe he really never wanted us to have a baby. That thought breaks my heart even more and I try to swallow the pain that's starting to clog my throat at the moment.

After he is done staring at me for a long time, his vision darts between my face and my stomach as he attempts to speak. "Oh my god, you..."

I don't let him finish and spit angrily, knowing what he is about to say. I fucking don't have to listen to him. "You thought I would abort this baby after you fucking left. But guess what? I didn't do it. This baby doesn't need a father that ran away from his responsibilities, leaving behind his mother to suffer alone." I look into his eyes and say. "I don't need you. I am very much capable of raising my baby on my own."

Christopher's eyes widen more as he looks at me. "It's our baby?" He swallows harshly, and I could notice his eyes brimming with tears. He takes a step towards me and looks into my eyes as tears run down his cheeks. "I didn't know you were pregnant. I would have never left you then." He whispers, staring down at my bump and I could see from his expression that he is being honest about this.

"What? My father didn't tell you about it?" I frown.

"No." His lips quiver and it almost kills me to watch him cry.

"Fucking great!" I shake my head in disbelief, finding about this new revelation. "And again my dad turns out to be the reason to mess everything up." Christopher doesn't say anything, and it just annoys me even more. This is fucking insane. Why would my father hide something as big as this from Christopher? He had every right to know about his baby, and my father didn't let him gain that important piece of information. What the fuck was wrong with my dad?

Christopher takes his glasses off and wipes his eyes, and looks back at me. "Maybe he was just trying to look out for his daughter and his grandchild's safety."

"How can you be so calm about this?" I stare at him in shock after what he reasons. "I hate how forgiving you are towards my dad and I hate it because that's the reason I could never stop loving you." I bark angrily as Christopher stares back at me. "You are so fucking generous! You hold nothing against anyone, no matter how much they have wronged you. You make me loath myself for not being able to dismiss the fucking grudges I hold in my heart against people and be as good as you. I fucking hate you! Why do you do that?" I am panting hard by the time I finish. What my father did was some disgusting level of madness and discovering about it now from Christopher is fucking driving me crazy.

"Because I never had a family, Cole." He says, raising his tone and I can notice that he is getting frustrated too with the situation. He sighs and then shakes his head. "I never knew what a father's love was. I never had a mother to care for me, nor did I have siblings to fight with. Even if I've had, I fucking didn't remember any of it. That's how my fucking life was." He says, stepping closer to me so he is standing right in front of me. "And that's the only reason why I listened to your father in the first place. Because I respected his feelings. After all, he was your father, Nicole. He cared for you. Even if he had been wrong about most of the decisions he made, he was still the man to protect you and save your life. It was something that I couldn't manage to do. And that's the reason I left." He reaches to cup my cheeks and I don't stop him.

"I can't..." I look at him and close my eyes, not being able to bear with this pain. I am hurt, and I feel cheated. I shake my head, feeling the lump grow bigger in my throat, and say when I look back at him. "Just leave Christopher."

"I am not going to leave this time. Not when I finally got to know that you still love me." He says, holding my face and looking straight into my eyes. "You are the only woman that I've ever loved in my life. Please, Nicole, at least hear me out. I know I owe you an explanation." He lets out a sigh of desperation and rests his forehead against mine. "For the sake of our baby, please listen to me."

I look into his grey eyes and I know I can't deny him, not when he is looking at me like that. "Fine."