A/N: So, all of you who think you know me well, can you name my all time favorite musical?!?! Annnnnnnnnnnnd.....IT'S WICKED!! I enjoyed this so much that I decided to write this about "Is Elphaba wicked?" It's her own contemplation of wickedness.

Am I truly wicked? Sometimes I wonder if I am really what I was meant to be. Was Oz really meant to be my father? Was Melena really meant to be my mother? Was Frex fond of me deep down, or did he only love my sister, Nessarose? Was I supposed to be green, or was that a fluke of nature, because Oz drank green alcohol and offered it to my mum while she was pregnant with me? Being the "green girl" isn't all it's cut out to be, all that power from the Grimmerie wasn't worth all the pain and suffering that befell the Munchkins and the Winkies. And the monkeys. Poor things. They shouldn't've had to suffer at the hands of Oz, being forced to grow wings. And how I was manipulated by him. I can't believe I ever thought that he'd help Dr. Dillamond! He already hated all of the speaking animals...why would I ever think he'd set him free?!

Back to the point. I still wonder if I was meant to be wicked. Maybe I got it from Oz. The way he controlled every aspect of my life though he wanted no part in it. And my poor sister, Nessa... She didn't deserve the ending she received. Of course I resented her because of Frex's molly-coddling of her, but I'd taken care of her for years...and now I missed her terribly. If only...

At least I have Fiyero. He's the only person in this strange world called Earth that knows Oz exists. He keeps me from going insane and thinking that none of this actually happened. And he saw the good in me when even Glinda gave up. I still look for ways to turn him human again. Not that we don't stick out anyhow. I'm green; not exactly inconspicuous is that?

But was I meant to be wicked? I guess not, though I felt like I should. Any time I tried to do good, someone else got hurt or something went wrong. I suppose Fiyero kept me from falling into the dark pit of "badness," of eternal wickedness. I suppose it's partly Oz's fault, partly my fault, and no one else's. Who else could be responsible for me reaching the heights that I did?

I must go now. I hear Fiyero and the little ones calling. I guess that it's not a good thing for me to wallow in self pity and let the old memories drown me. I shouldn't. Farewell.