Alexander: I need your help!

Diana: What's wrong?

Alexander: I can't find my phone!

Diana: Look in your hand, genius.

Alexander: Found it.

~~~~~

Pierre: Hey Thomas.

Thomas: Hey.

Pierre: What u doin?

Thomas: Making dinner *sends pic of him cracking spaghetti over pot of water*

Pierre: STOP IT!

~~~~~

James: OMG! HUGO I THINK IM PREGNANT! HOW THE HELL DO I BREAK IT TO EVERYONE?

Hugo: Are you drunk?

James: Ya why?

Hugo: You're dead.... and a boy

~~~~~

Benjamin: Haytham I think I left a box at your house. Mind if I come over to pick it up?

Haytham: Can I look inside?

Benjamin: Please don't 🙏🙏🙏

Haytham: *sends picture of him holding a bunch of pineapples* Finders keepers, bitch.

~~~~~

Jesse: How much does it cost to go to a petting zoo?

Alexander: That depends. For example, if you're visiting the Wiltshires it's free.

~~~~~

James: Hedwig, can you pick me up? I'm drunk

*30 mins later*

James: Nevermind I got a ride

Hedwig: I was the one that picked you up.

~~~~~

Thomas: Why don't you just ask her out?

Alexander: I don't know.

Thomas: The worst she can say is no.

*1 hour later*

Thomas: So are you and Lady Isabelle dating now?

Alexander: SHE PEPPER SPRAYED ME IN THE FACE!

~~~~~

Benjamin: So the maid is Irish, and she denies it. Her last name is O' Conner. She may be born in the U.S. but I know an Irishwoman when I see one

Judas: Weren't you an Irish citizen when you died?

Benjamin: ...Who's side are you on?

~~~~~

Benjamin: Hello, Louis. I'm thinking of going shopping. Are you free?

Louis: Fuck yeah I'm free! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 *sends him a picture waving his American flag around*

~~~~~

Alexander: What are you wearing?

Diana: *looks at herself* My maids dress like every other week day.

Alexander: That's so fucking sexy.

Diana: What?

Alexander: I want to see it on my bedroom floor when I get home.

Diana: Are you insane?

Alexander: Touch yourself! Touch yourself right now.

*Meanwhile at Estelle Manor*

Alexander: *reaching for phone* Give me my phone, Hedwig.

Hedwig: Trust me. I'm doing you a favor. *holding it out of reach*

Alexander: This isn't funny.

Hedwig: On the plus side, if it works it proves I can seduce Diana better than you. *laughter*