Ch.26: Party Planning

"Well, that was nerve-wracking," I said as we were driven back to the loft.

"Was it?" Jude said.

"For me, yeah. I've never done anything like that before."

He kissed the back of my hand. "You nailed it."

"Did I?" I couldn't keep the doubt from creeping into my voice.

"You think you didn't?"

"I have no idea," I said plaintively.

"You were a pro."

"How did Zoe know about the stalker?" I asked.

This time Jude didn't stiffen, but when I glanced up at him, a little frown had settled between his eyebrows. "I told Neil about it a few days ago."

"He didn't already know?"

Jude shook his head. "I didn't want him making a big deal out of it. But since the stalker seems to have disappeared, I thought it was okay to tell him."

"And, what? He told Zoe?"

"I can't think of anyone else who would have done."

"But why would he do that?"

"I don't know, but I'll find out."

My phone rang, Tasha's name flashing on the screen. I hesitated. I wasn't done talking to Jude, but something told me Tasha wasn't calling for a casual chat.

"You should get that," Jude said.

I answered the call. "Hi, Tash."

"Jude has a stalker and you didn't tell me?" she said, her voice too loud in my ear.

I winced. "I didn't want to worry you."

"Bullshit," she said hotly, and I saw Jude's lips twitch. Obviously he could hear every word. "Are you in danger?" Tasha demanded.

"No," I said.

"How do you know?"

I glanced at Jude, silently pleading.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you," Jude said, raising his voice enough that Tasha could hear him.

She made an unhappy noise. "You still should have told me. We always tell each other everything."

Her words stung more than I think she meant them to. All my life, Tasha had been my best friend, the person I always knew I could count on and confide in, and the last thing I'd wanted was to make her feel pushed away. But, judging, by the hurt in her voice, that was exactly what I had done.

"Tash," I started, then broke off and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm not trying to leave you out, but my life is very weird right now, and I'm still finding my footing, so please be patient with me."

She sighed down the phone. "I'm trying, but it's not easy when I find out stuff like this."

"I'll call you tomorrow, and we'll talk about everything properly, okay?" I said.

"Okay," Tasha mumbled.

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

I hung up, and looked down, my hands fidgeting in my lap as I tried to decide whether I should further pursue the conversation that Jude and I had been having before Tasha called.

"Jude," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Why were you so annoyed when Zoe brought the stalker up?"

"It wasn't what we were there to discuss."

I nudged him. "Okay, that's bullshit."

Jude said nothing until we were back at the loft, then he slumped onto the sofa and pulled me into his lap.

"Maybe this whole stalker thing bothered me more than I told you," he admitted, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"How much more?"

"Enough that I jumped on a flight to Vegas."

I twisted to get a better look at him. Jude's face was tilted up, his expression sombre.

"That's what you were doing in Vegas?"

Jude nodded. "Didn't you wonder why three squealing fans were enough to make me run for my life?"

"I just thought you didn't want to deal with it."

"I didn't, but especially not after this stalker shit."

"Were you telling the truth about having had previous stalkers?" I asked.

Jude tensed. "I never lied to you, Camden. I brushed it off because I didn't want to worry you and because I didn't want to admit to myself how much it was bothering me."

"Is it worse than your previous stalkers?"

Jude tilted his head, considering it. A single chocolate curl fell across his forehead and I couldn't help gently twisting it around my pinky.

"I don't know that it's worse, exactly, but it's happening at a worse time," Jude said.

"Why?"

His arms tightened around me. "I don't know. This album is fucking with my head, I've been getting shit from Darrell, and the last thing I needed was some psycho following me around. When I told you that I wasn't worried about it, I wasn't lying. I'm not worried that this stalker is going to do anything other than send letters. I'm not in danger. But it was added stress that I really didn't fucking need. It does go with the territory, and I've accepted that, but some days are harder than others. I went to Vegas because I needed to get away from everything and clear my head."

"Instead you found me," I said.

Jude gazed up at me, his eyes churning. "Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"For shutting Zoe down when she was pushing me."

"You're surprised that I stood up for you?"

Jude shrugged, his eyes sliding away from me.

My throat tightened, like a fist gripping my neck. I remembered what he'd told me on our picnic, about how he'd been treated by women he'd dated in the past and how they'd been more interested in his money and his status than him as a person. Maybe it wasn't so hard to believe that none of his previous girlfriends would have defended him when he needed it. Maybe they wouldn't even have realised that he needed defending.

"Hey," I said softly, sliding my fingers through his curls.

Jude tilted his head back, looking up at me.

There was something in his eyes that made my heart squeeze hard. He looked so young in that moment, like a lost little boy standing out in the cold, waiting for someone to invite him in.

His relationship with his adoptive parents was nothing like mine, and as much as Jake had hurt me, I couldn't pretend to know how it felt to be used over and over again, to be seen only through the lens of how much money I could spend, rather than who I was as a person.

How many people in Jude's life had actually given him the love and support that he needed and deserved?

Not as many as it should have been, that was for sure.

"I will always stand up for you, Jude," I said.

Maybe this was why the stalker thing had bothered him more than he'd wanted to admit – because he had so few people to turn to when it all got too much.

He hadn't told Neil about it until a few days ago, and Neil had gone straight to Zoe, treating Jude's trust like a piece of juicy gossip. Neil himself probably didn't see it like that, and maybe he actually had a reasonable explanation for why he'd done it, but that didn't change the fact that I wanted to punch him in the dick.

Jude reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. His fingers grazed my cheek, then trailed around to my chin, where he stroked my lower lip with his thumb.

I kissed the tip of his thumb.

There was a fluttering feeling in my chest, like the emotions that were building there were getting too big to contain.

Jude was a natural rockstar, with all the swagger and stage presence and charisma – he didn't have to force or fake anything. He was born to do this. But sometimes that made people forget that he wasn't just a rockstar, that behind the swagger, he was as human as anyone, with the same vulnerabilities and insecurities and doubts.

"Jude," I whispered. His name was like the sweetest candy on my tongue. "Did you mean what you said to Zoe? Do I really make you happy?"

"Did you think I was just saying it for the cameras?"

I carefully considered my words. "I think that you have a rockstar persona to maintain, and you leaned into that for the cameras. That doesn't mean you're not being honest, but we haven't talked much about this, so is it unreasonable for me to question it?"

"I guess not," Jude said. He was quiet for a moment, staring at the wall. "I did mean it," he said at last.

My heart jumped, and suddenly there wasn't enough air in the room. When Jude had first asked me to give this marriage a go, I hadn't known what to expect, either from him or his lifestyle. I'd never imagined the closeness that I now felt for him, or the way we seemed to connect on some deep level.

"I meant it about the party too. Elle's been helping me plan it," Jude said.

Somehow that felt more important than the interview we'd just done. That had been about publicity, about Jude's image, about giving the media something to keep them satisfied for a while. It was for the fans more than anyone. But this party was for the people in Jude's life. It was about him formally introducing me to them as his wife, and that was more exciting and more daunting than any interview.

"Thank you," I said.

Jude rested his hand on my knee, and the warm weight of it made me feel secure and special in a way that I never had with Jake. Neither of us said anything else for a long while, but it was the silence of two people who are so comfortable with each other that they didn't feel the need to fill it with small talk. It was the silence of two people whose feelings were already running far deeper than either of us had expected.