So are we all caught up on what being a vampire is really like?

Good. Glad we're all on the same page here.

I suppose I can't put it off any longer, so I'm going to go back and finish telling you about the night I got turned into a vampire. I know it's what you're really here for, so I might as well just get it over with.

Okay then: here we go.

***

Remember Louise? We were playing "spot the vampire" with her earlier. She had dragged me out of the bar while my neck was still dripping blood and had gotten on the phone with a doctor friend of hers.

"We are literally just around the corner," she said into her phone. She had called a doctor friend for some help and he was apparently being a little difficult. "It's a stupid accident, and I can patch him up in no time at all."

If you've already spotted her longer than normal incisors, kudos to you, but as far back as I can remember, Louise has always had long teeth. I'd always thought that it ran in her family. No stumpy incisors limited by genetics for her.

"Okay, fine, I'll see you soon," she agreed and rolled her eyes as she hung up. She grinned and gave me the thumbs up.

"Weren't you going to buy me a drink?" I asked her and Louise shot me a dirty look.

"You stay. Alcohol dilutes the blood and makes it harder to treat you. Just be quiet and let me take care of you, okay?"

I settled down but kept a hopeful eye on the bar. Louise knew what she was talking about and I trusted her. Besides, I don't think she was going to let me escape.

Louise worked nights at one of those 24-hour clinics over on the Danforth side of town, and I never got to see her that much. I'd first run into her a couple of years ago when I used to hang out with Angus, and that had pretty much been that. We'd become instant friends over one of Angus's Super Fantastic Bongs and had kept running into each other after that. I even ended up crashing on her couch for a few weeks while I was between jobs and she was one of my first customers at the porn shop, just to see the look on my face. Louise had also been the person who had been responsible for me meeting Jaime, and since the breakup, I really hadn't seen her that much. I think she had been really disappointed in me and I couldn't blame her.

Besides, I worked nights, and she worked nights and the whole working at night thing sucks when your friends also work at night. Your schedules will never meet, so there's no overlap since one or both of you is always rushing off to work. I tried to make a note to myself to try to get her to meet me for breakfast one night after work so we could catch up.

I followed her as she led me out of the bar and away from all of the wonderful alcohol, none of which I seemed destined to drink.

"We need to catch up some time you know. Preferably over drinks." I said pointedly.

"I know. Let's get you patched up first, and then we can worry about that after."

"Sorry for ruining your night off."

"Hey, if you can't take care of your friends, then what does that tell you about yourself as a person?"

"Sorry though."

"You've not been taking care of yourself, Bob. This whole depression thing has got to stop at some point you know."

"I'm not depressed. Not that much. You make it sound like I'm suicidal or something."

"Are you?"

"Of course not."

I was lying, and we both knew it. Louise offered me enough grace and just ignored that little lie. She had been the one who had pumped my stomach that one night three months before, after all.

"So how far away is your friend?"

"Just a few more houses down."

"You dating this dude?"

"Nah. I've taken myself off of the meat market for a bit. Trying to figure out a few things in my life right now. You can call it a voyage of self-discovery if you want. I call it 'staying away from men for a while' myself."

"Good name. A bit long, but a good name."

"Good name for a rock band?"

"Nah, not rocking enough," I teased. "Kinda poppy, like K-Pop poppy."

Louise made a face and shrugged. "I like it anyway. You seeing anyone yet?"

"Nah. I'm just keeping to myself right now. A relationship is the last thing I need." I glanced at her wondering if I had created the perfect segue. Only one way to find out. "Have you heard from Jaime recently?"

Louise glances at her watch and smirks. "Five minutes, twenty seconds. New record for you Bob."

So much for the perfect segue. I blundered onward. "I held out as long as I could. I even made small talk, but now you gotta tell me: how is she?"

"Yes I saw her and in answer to the questions you're about to ask, no you shouldn't call her, and I mean ever; yes she hates your fucking guts - her words - you're an idiot - my words- and yeah... that should about cover it."

I really hate my friends sometimes. I made a silent vow to return Louise to the friend store for a full refund.

"You could have at least put a positive spin on it," I pointed out.

"That was the positive spin! Look, dude, you fucked up big time. My job is to tell you just how much you fucked up."

"I thought you were supposed to be the shoulder to cry on."

"That is Claude's job. How is the old crook?"

"Still evading incarceration. He's gotten really good at not getting caught. Can we get back to talking about Jaime—"

Louise stopped in her tracks and considered me for a long second.

"You still using?" She asked after a while. "Last time I checked it was prescription pills with you—"

"What does that have to do with it?" I asked, more defensively than I should have. Louise knew all of my bad habits. In fact, she was the one who had gotten me started on the prescription pills anyway. Doctors have access to the best drugs, especially the free samples.

Louise looked like she was going to haul off and hit me.

"It has everything to do with it, Bob! Everything! That was one of the many, many reasons Jaime left you or had you not figured that out?"

That one hit me like a ton of bricks. Stopped me in my tracks cold.

"Jaime left me because I was using? That's why?"

"One of the reasons, yes!" It's funny how much a statement like that tells you so much and evades so much at the same time. If you can pay attention, you could ask the right questions, but the other person usually presses on with the conversation...

Louise continued: "She never told you why she left?"

See what I mean? Expert evasion, and with that, I was focusing on the wrong thing.

"No! She just left one day and then refused to see me or talk to me. Even when she got the restraining order on me, not a single fucking word. Just a very unpleasant cop with a really bad attitude. Why do you think I've been so fucked up over it?"

Now Louise just looked pissed. She stomped around in a little circle in the middle of the street, making faces.

"I'm going to fucking kill her! I told her to let you know, but did she listen? Oh no! Not little Miss 'He Should Have Figured It Out,' no not her! Fucking girls don't know how to communicate! Argh!"

"You're a girl."

"How do you think I know?"

We just looked at each other for a moment, and then Louise cracked a smile. She was just cool like that. I was glad she was my friend.

"Come on, let's get that neck looked at. This is the house."

****************************

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  Let me know what you liked or hated, but don't forget to VOTE and tell your friends about this bitchin' vampire story you're reading.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Who would play Louise in the movie?  Let me know in the comments.

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