Four days.

That's how long it took me burn every bridge I had managed to build, and it also included the one I was standing on. I'd love to be able to claim that I don't remember the details or that it was all just a blur, but I'd be lying to myself as well as to you. The fugue of the first night, that complete loss of self and utter euphoria from the taste of that hot, wet blood fresh in my mouth, that was the high I found myself chasing.

To put it simply: I got hooked.

It was easy for me, just like falling off a wagon, and I laughed at myself at the sheer irony of the situation. When I had been human, I was hooked on heroin. And now that I was a vampire, there I was hooked on blood. Turnabout is fair play, and fair play is one hell of a bitch. I wondered if I died and went to Heaven, how long would take before I found the heavenly equivalent of heroin. I guess some people just have to be addicted to something and we just choose badly.

For the first time, I started to enjoy being a vampire.

***

Blink...

I remember limbs. Naked arms and legs and breasts that I may have fought to get out from under for minutes or maybe days or even hours. It was hard to tell in my state of delirium, but there seemed to be more women than I could remember, the bed and floor covered with naked sleeping bodies in different positions of rest.

One of the girls, a slender black girl with the body and face of a model opened her eyes and watched me silently from the bed, but I looked away, confused by all of those beautiful bodies and faces and the smears of blood that seemed to be everywhere.

Blink...

The fridge was packed full of delicious looking foods with labels I wasn't even going to bother trying to pronounce and what the hell was I looking for again? How had I even gotten there? I could taste the blood on my lips, and was it dried there or was it fresh? Whatever form it took, it was delicious and heady, the taste hitting me with a euphoric high...

Blink...

I couldn't find my clothes and these weren't my shoes were they? I didn't know these pants goddammit. Where were my goddamn pants and more importantly: whose underwear was I wearing?

Blink...

The hoodie was tight and constricting, way too small for me, but at least it covered my head and most of my face which I was desperately trying to keep hidden as I stumbled down the street. The sunglasses were some kind of women's fashion and no doubt looked ridiculous on me, but since I didn't have to look at myself I really didn't care. The point was that they worked, and shielded my eyes from the sun. I kept expecting to spontaneously burst into flame and wondered if I was leaving a trail of smoke behind me, broadcasting to the world or to anyone that cared to look that there was a vampire walking, better clear the streets! Nobody looked at me. Nobody cared. If they did, then I certainly didn't notice them.

What the hell was I even doing outside in the sunlight you ask?

Come to think of it, that was a very good question, one I didn't have an answer to. Thankfully my sense of self-preservation was managing to keep me to the shadows of the building in the morning sun, so at least my drug induced stupor wasn't suicidal. Madame Vera would no doubt have some choice words for me if I showed up on her slab burned xtra crispy.

Blink...

If you've ever gotten high, and I mean like really fucking high, and you continuously maintained that level of intoxication for hours and hours, you know what it's like when you finally sober up. Everything is weird and real-but-not-quite and kind of funny if you think of it a certain way. You know you're fucking high and you like that feeling. You'd agree to almost anything and maybe even try to argue a point, but you quickly lose the thread of thought and either drift off or break away abruptly to do something else. You can't focus on anything for too long but that's all right, that's okay, you gotta chase the dragon, gotta feed the monkey and don't call him a monkey, he's a 300 pound ape and will rip your fucking arms off, man...

You'll also know that while you may only remember hazy moments of being high and trying to act sober, it's the moment that you sober up that's the most jarring. It could happen at anytime at all, slowly with a sense of waking up, or in some cases you just...

Blink...

You're cold sober standing across the street from the Art Store, staring into the huge plate-glass window with the canvasses and easels and paints on display to lure any passing artists into the maw of commerce and continual lack of money. You're not staring at what's inside the window though, you're staring through into the store at the love of your life, and you want to go to her and proclaim your love, but even in your former drug induced stupor, you weren't quite stupid enough to do that.

The you in this equation of course is me, but that kinda goes without saying.

So that was how I ended up in front of Jaime's store in the middle of the day, dimly aware that the shadow of the building I was standing in was slowly getting smaller and smaller. In a minute I would be standing in direct sunlight and parts of my face would no doubt burn exactly like they should, but at that moment, I didn't care. In that moment I was just glad to see her face inside the store. Normally that made me feel a little better about myself to see that she was still okay, but that day I felt even more cut off from her. I suddenly felt less human for the first time and that was no good. That was no good at all.

A silver Lexus with darkened windows pulled to a stop in the alley next to me. The front window rolled down and a vaguely familiar looking black woman leaned over and called for me.

"Bob, we've been looking for you," she said. "You shouldn't be out like this. Not in the sun."

"Then where should I be?" I asked, and for the first time I didn't have anything smart-ass to say.

"Come and see, Bob," the woman said.

I took one last look at Jaime through the store window and shook my head.

"Fuck it."

I went and I saw.

******** AUTHOR'S NOTE **********

The book is now AVAILABLE in Hardcover, Paperback and Ebooks. It's going to live here free on Wattpad, but if you love the story and want to support your awesome author (me), grab a copy from one of the lovely retailers below. Who knows: maybe it can become a bestseller with the help of you lovely WattPadders

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