-

Something about the way that you dropped way too many clues for me to remain oblivious, until you stopped and just confessed... I mean, it made me wonder how you thought I was worth all the trouble.

There are over seven billion people on this world. Seven billion. And though you may not meet those seven billion, out of all the people that come and go in your life you still picked me. I suppose it will forever remain a matter beyond me, to be honest.

-

Nico first meets him when he finds himself transferred into a new high school mid way through the final semester. It's his fourth school this year, so he doesn't spare any thoughts of what Goode could bring for his future except how long it will take for him to get booted out. He doubts he'll last longer than two months.

Though he doesn't blame them, if Nico was in their shoes he wouldn't want to keep himself around either. He knows he carries too much baggage for a single student, and somehow he always manages to leave a trail of wreckage with every step he takes.

It's what many of the other schools had noted down as 'temperamental behavioural issues' and sure he doesn't deny it but he really does try to tame it. Unfortunately, every instance ends with him lashing out with an anger he just can't control. It's not his fault, people just know how to push his buttons.

Supposedly, it what seems to happen when your entire life is published on paper for everyone to see. Nico could go on and on about it, but to keep it short, it's not particularly easy to hide said 'baggage' when everyone in the town knows about the mysterious fire that killed both his parents and his sister only for one to come out miraculously unscathed.

Nico didn't start that fire. He didn't. He isn't the one to fucking blame for his family's death.

However, when people don't attempt to brutally get a nonexistent confession out of him, they often had tendencies to reach out to him in pity because he knows that not everyone in the world are assholes. But he'd rather have no friend than 'friends' that feel sorry for him, so he just keeps everyone he knows an arms length away from him and ventures through life alone.

When Will reaches out, it's different. His hand doesn't extend with the tremble of sympathy or with the painful ruggedness of a coiled fist, it's just a simple, steady hand. It's from that moment they meet Nico knows something is not the same, but still he denies it because good things never just get handed over to him in life.

"Hey, you need any help with that?"

Nico regards him with a swift glance, occupied with tackling his own problem at hand, losing a fight against trying to balance all his books and bag in his futile attempts to stuff it all into his locker.

"I've got it."

Will doesn't waiver from the cold tone though, of course he doesn't. He's different. "You know it's not bad to let people give you a hand, you know?"

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me."

"Well I just came over because I thought you were cute but what do I know?"

All the books slip out of his grip like a landslide, toppling onto the floor with thuds that catches a couple eyes in the hallway. He fixes his glare upon the open covers on the ground because he can't quite manage lifting his gaze anywhere else because honestly, he's never felt this incredulous in years.

Will Solace certainly had been different, and Nico had no idea then how much of a beautiful, beautiful thing it would become.

-

Something about the way that you always used to work things through, loving like you always do and my compassion only grew... it was around then that I found myself falling deeper.

When we met, how was I meant to know what we'd end up becoming? Not that it's a bad thing, so insanely far from it actually, because you really are the best thing to ever happen to me, Will. I don't deserve you.

-

"You probably hate me now."

"Impossible."

Still, Nico remains more than highly skeptical.

All they were doing was lying on Nico's mattress, too stiff and worn, talking about nothing and everything. They weren't under the sheets, it wasn't even dark outside, and the light bulb still flickers a dim amber hue above the two but still Nico never felt like he's belonged anywhere even more in his life. Between his boyfriend's gentle arms, pressed into his warm chest and breathing in the scent that is purely Will while he brushed his nimble fingers through the strands of his dark hair, exchanging breathy chuckles and anecdotes.

Before Will, Nico really couldn't remember when he last experienced the embrace of another person. It wasn't until he was cradled against the blond that he realised how touch starved he was.

It was all innocent in nature, there wasn't a single rogue motive in mind, but still it felt so intimate.

When the blond's hand cupped Nico's jaw with such genuine reverence and tilted his own head downwards so their lips could brush against each other with a sizzling soft contact, it had been nothing they haven't done before.

It's what happens when Will slowly pulls away, azure eyes sparkling with adoration and fondly gazing down at him as though Nico belonged behind glass in a museum. It's when his lips part and the words are spoken like a chimes in the wind.

"God Nico," he breathed, somewhat dazed, "I love you so much."

It's then that Nico found himself tensing up, stiffer than the mattress, and sucked in a sharp breath in midst of his startle.

It's also then that Will snapped out of his trance like state, the blue orbs that were filled to the brim with affection moments ago clouding with horror and worry.

"Will, I can't... I'm sorry..." Nico fumbles, not being able to find the right words with everything erupting in his mind.

"No, Nico, god no. I'm sorry, I should've of said that so soon."

The thing is though, it wasn't soon. They've been dating for months, but Will had insisted they'd take things as slowly as Nico was comfortable with. Claimed that he was always worth every second.

Which is where it brings them now, and Nico can't help the tears well up, slightly blurring his vision. Will just holds him even tighter.

"I could never hate you Nico, you don't have to say it back."

It's not fair on Will, and Nico despises how he's the cause of it. Will's been nothing but patient with him, calm and caring and truly just a miracle that Nico would have never imagined colliding with his life. Surely, it must be strenuous on him, Nico knows it is. But... he can't help it, he's not ready.

"I saw it in your eyes, Will. It's okay, I get it I'm not enou—"

"—I thought you promised me to never say that again," Will cuts off coolly. "You're so much more than enough, okay? I'll keep saying it until you believe it, Nico. It's true I love you, and it would take a hell of a lot more than this to ever change that."

Something settles in his stomach, heavy and warm, but it's paired with the internalised dread.

"I... I can't say it back, Will. I'm sorry, you deserve that much."

Nico can't bring himself to muster the words even though he feels it with everything within him. He feels it woven into his smile, he feels it coiled around his heart, he feels it muddle with his mind. Nico knows what he feels for Will is exactly that, but life is merciless. Life had taken away all his loved ones before in a single swipe. He's careful now -- stupidly so, he knows -- not prepared to take his chances.

Will, as pure as ever, just soothingly brushes his hand up and down Nico's spine, whispering into the air, "It's okay, Nico. Honestly."

A compressing silence follows afterwards but Nico licks his lips before he breaks it, "But I do, Will. I do too."

-

Something about the way that you walked into our living room, casually and confident, looking at the mess I am... well, you and I both know that I had some things to sort through.

Don't try to deny it, yes there were issues but it's because of you I could overcome them. How I could ever repay you, God, wouldn't even know where to even begin. But I'll never stop thanking you, I haven't got a single clue of where I'd be if it wasn't for you.

-

Nico's lounging on the couch when it happens, lax and lazed on his off day, flicking through Netflix in a daze, remote in one hand, half finished cup of coffee in the other.

By now, life's improved exponentially. They've graduated high school with minimal problems. They're in college now, living together and closer than ever before. Sure, there's been arguments and stress and bills and exams, but honestly, Nico wouldn't have life any other away. They've remained strong despite a few set backs, and though Nico still quietly wonders on dark days why Will is dealing with him at all, there's now the reassurance in Nico's mind anymore that Will truly loves him.

The mug that he holds in his grip is a gift that Will had gotten him for their two year anniversary a couple of days back. To anyone, it's not exactly much, and neither boy could spare a lot of expense for each other's gifts due to the high financial demands of college life, but to Nico, it holds more sentiment compared to anything in the world. It's a simple mug, white and decently sized. Will made the effort to personalise it too, the words "My Angelo" printed on its surface. Yes, it may have been cheesy but Nico really couldn't expect anything else from his boyfriend — and he secretly loves him for it.

(His gift to Will had been a delicately crafted clay bead hand made from Nico himself -- in which he stolen the supplies from one of his art classrooms.  The idea came to mind whenever they'd steal small pecks from each other, and they'd pull apart and Nico's gaze would always settle on that leather bound necklace his boyfriend never takes off. It wasn't unusual for him to fiddle with it occasionally, examining each bead as Will explains the story for them over and over and over again -- but he never gets bored of hearing his voice.)

It catches him unaware, like it always does, but the wooden shack upon the screen bursts into flames and suddenly Nico's vision is rapidly blurring.

It's been so long since it last happened, so long that Nico almost forgot what it feels like. With the cotton balls stuffed in his head and blocking his sinuses. The immense pressure against his chest, like everything is falling and collapsing and crashing down upon him. The jackhammer within, his heart, pounding against his ribs for escape within the ever tightening walls around him.

His breaths come quick, too quick, so quickly that it doesn't feel like he's breathing at all. As though there's not a single trace of oxygen within the air he breathes. Smoke. Slowly suffocating. Then black splotches dance over his vision, and the heat of the room intensifies like he's surrounded by molten lava. Yet he shivers, erratically, and he can't stop it. He can't escape it. He's trapped, he's trapped, he's trapped...

Nico's too deep within his own mind to hear the creak of the front door open, the warm greeting or the rustle and clangs of plastic grocery bags suddenly dropping onto the hard wooden floor as soon as Will realises what's going on.

When he sees Will come into view he falls in deeper because Will can't be here. He can't have Will die too. He can't. Why couldn't they have just taken Nico in the first place? Why'd they have to take everyone he's ever cared about instead?

"Nico." his voice breaks through the roaring in his ears, "Nico, we're both safe. There's nothing to worry about. We're both completely safe."

But-- but we're not safe. Danger is creeping upon us. The fire...

"Trust me Nico, you trust me, right? We're safe okay, nothing is getting us."

"Will please... don't--"

Will, though in a haste, extends one of Nico's arms and presses it against his chest, kneeling down before him as Nico remains upright on the sofa, attempting to seize gulps of empty air.

"Feel that, Nico? I'm right here, I'll never leave you. You know that, you know I would never. C'mon breath with me okay. In, out, in, out, in, out..."

In. Out. In. Out. In. Out...

When the fog in his mind begins to clear up over the span of what feels like hours, he finds his sight is stilled hazed through the leftover tears. Will's blue eyes are still evident though. Shining, always shining, and holding his gaze with such tenderness.

Nico sobs even more though, shoving the palms of his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry, Will. I'm so sorry..."

Will embraces him instantly though, a blanket of solace wrapped around his shoulders, "Sshhh, Nico. It's okay, you're okay."

He keeps blabbering though, keeps on apologising until his voice goes dry and scratchy and his eyes are bloodshot and stinging.

Eventually, he pulls away with hesitance, forcing himself to take in those calming breaths that they used to practice. But then he sees the what lays shattered on the floor boards, shards of ceramic pieces within a bittersweet puddle of black coffee.

However, it's not remorse that seizes him this time. It's anger. It's frustration.

"I can't do anything right," he grits between his teeth, everything before him seeming to be tainted red, "I'm sorry, Will but come on you probably didn't expect anything else of me."

"Nico, if you really think I care about that cup more than I do for you--"

"--But you shouldn't have to!" Nico exclaims with an uncontrolled energy, shooting up from the coach and haphazardly pacing barefoot with the remains of the mug scattered across the floor. "I can't just be normal. I can't just act like a normal fucking human being. Why are you still here, huh? I won't even blame you if you just leave, I get it Will, I genuinely do."

The blond stands from where he's kneeling, facing Nico with determination, "I don't see why you don't get it. I love you, I love all of you."

Nico scoffs at that though, and somewhere distant in his mind he knows he's being harsh. "You love all of me? What you love me when you come home and except from being greeted with a simple 'hey' you have to instead fix the weeping fuck up I am? Do love me when I constantly second guess everything you've admitted you've ever felt for me? Do love you when me when I'm going around and smashing anniversary gift? Or barely being about to stutter an 'I love you'? Or when I'm lashing out like this?"

It's not until the end of it that he realises he's yelling, and it's with regret when he regards Will for the first time in his rage. He looks tired. Startled and patient, but so damn tired. Nico's shoulders droop at the sight. He can't keep doing this to him, Nico hates that he's doing that to him.

"You'd be better off without me," Nico announces into the silence, tension as tight as a coiled bowstring, his voice worn and wearied.

Then, Nico heads straight for the door.

-

Something about the way that you always see the pretty view, overlook the mud and mess, always looking effortless... it's those times that I realise not only how much you mean to me, but also, somehow, how much I mean to you too.

Since truthfully, every motive I have is to make sure I never hurt you. Every single one. I couldn't bare it if I did, I love you too much to be able to cause you any pain. Now I realise that if I ever left, instead of lessening your burden I will only create one even more burdening. Now I get that you love me, and why too, and I promise I'll never let anything get between it ever again. I swear it on Bianca's grave.

-

Will's hand catches his wrist just before Nico leaves straight out through that door.

It tugs firmly, spinning him around until he almost collapses under the pressure of dry lips pressed against his.

The force of the kiss is bruising, but what's lacked in finesse is made up in sheer passion. Will's lips convey more than a message, it sears the meaning across his lips, delivered in a way that words never could.

Will's the one that pulls away, with a determined, steeled gaze piercing through his own.

"You don't get it, do you? I need you. I need you so much more than you need me. Do you know what it'd do to me if you leave?"

With the way he speaks, Nico can imagine what. He's lightheaded and overwhelmed, but one question still lingers.

"Why?"

There's not a trace of hesitance in the blond's reply.

"Let me show you why," he says before dragging him into the bedroom.

What follows is something that Nico would usually describe as a blur, but when he enter through that door everything slows down, savouring as he lives and feels through every moment. The searing kisses that press into his lips, the brush of a thumb against his cheek and the affectionate nips against his neck, they all ground him to this exact moment.

Somehow, somewhere, his shirt is gone but Nico's too caught up in the intimacy to register it's loss. When his back finds the bed, it's not because he's been pushed onto the mattress, Will lifts himself in the midst of a detonating kiss and lays him down as though he's his most precious possession, then he pulls back and Nico squirms underneath Will's soft yet surveying glance.

"If only you could see what I could see, Nico," he whispers before leaning down and catching his lips once more.

Nico parts his mouth to respond, but Will presses the kiss even harder to silence him.

"Don't speak. Just listen."

For some reason, he feels obliged to obey. So he does.

Will starts his trail from the corner of Nico's mouth, creating a path to his ear to the edge of his jaw with his purposeful lips. "Can't you see how beautiful you are? You're gorgeous. It's already enough to make me so insanely lucky to have you as mine."

He continues down to the hollow of his neck, placing a peck against his adam's apple. "But it's not just that. You're funny, you know you're funny. On most days you have me clutching my stomach and laughing my head off." Nico feels like cool breath of a soft chuckle against his throat, "It's so dry and sometimes so morbid. But it's great and so purely you."

Nico can't help but smile at the ceiling at that, Will's not wrong. He does have a fucked up sense of humour.

"I love how fierce you are," Will goes on as his winds a path down his chest, something beginning to stir warm within his stomach, "So sharp-tongued and driven. Sure, it's hot and I won't deny that but it also shows your passion, your commitment. How dedicated you are to keeping me happy."

Will brushes his lips just above Nico's bellybutton, and Nico is certain the blond's content with the way he's trembling underneath him. But he can't help it. Will always knows what he needs. Regardless, he keeps going. Scorching sentiment into his skin, follow with praising words that makes him keen.

By the end, Will lies on top of them, staring into his eyes as though they were taking in all the stars of the galaxy, and Nico can't stop his emotions running into overdrive.

"I love you." Nico breathes.

"I love you too, Nico. Every single part of you."

-

So thank you for taking a chance on me. I know it isn't easy, but I hope to be worth it.

AN:
WHAT A BITCH ASS CHAPTER TO WRITE GOD DAMN.

I made this so much harder for myself then it should've been. I'm not a poet, I can barely rhyme so thank you for baring through my attempts.

If you haven't already, listen to the song and just think Solangelo thoughts. It's so damn fitting.