Almost immediately after those messages, I put my bottle into the trash can and start walking... slowly, thinking through it.

I'm not sad..... I don't think.... I'm not heartbroken at least.... but I'm not heartless..... it hurt, sure....... but did it hurt more to be called his killer in a way? What did I do? Why did this hurt so much in the end.

Soulmates..... of course it would hurt. Soulmates are the a fullness in your heart and when that gets taken away, it leaves a hole for forever. I hear some people get a second chance. I doubt I'd ever have one, nobody really thinks I could.... I let go. I don't grief.... but I also have a hard time understanding it. Like.... they are dead, death is inevitable and that's just how it is. I don't understand grief at all actually.... grief is what stabs through the heart and kills without you ever noticing it do anything beyond scratching. It hurts more and is a painfully long death to experience because with a hole in your heart, you don't have anything left anymore.

That's why they doubt i'd take the second chance, I'm independent, I hated taking the first in a way.... but to not? I would ruin an another life! That would be terrible of me!

"Kyle! I heard! I'm so sorry!" Kenny says.

I smile a little and wave it off.

"I'm going to talk Stan about it currently."

"Want me to drive?"

"No no, I prefer walking. More time to think over. Go do your business."

He hugs me.

"Stay strong. I know it must hurt like hell."

I nod and continue to walk. If I had to give someone my second chance, it would be Kenny himself. But he has Leo and holds on tight to that. If Leo was dead, I'm sure we would be each other's second chances because of how close we are. We're great friends and I adore that in every possible way.

I put headphones back in. This song sounds eerily like it has been on Eurovision.

Let's run for cover.

Yeah. It is. Was he..... Swedish? Maybe! It was pretty good, as everyone probably understands from it being in my recommended. I would listen to an hour version while drawing. It's actually something. Nordic people have some charm, they always have me forgetting the situation. Expect this one Finn: I hated them but that doesn't really matter.

My phone makes a noise again,

'Are you coming?'

'Yeah, I just went an another route. I'm there soon!'

'Okay. What kind of tea while crying? Still like lemon when crying and ginger when everything is okay?'

'Yeah.'

'Doing it, come by or it'll get cold.'

'I'll get cold if I'm not coming by.'

'Is it that freezing?'

'For sure!'

'I could've picked you up.'

'I prefer walking. See you!'

I finally get to the house and knock on the door. When he opens, my heart does a backflip. From his face, his did the same.

"Well that's....."

"I didn't expect that."

We say them at the same time. My second chance is Stanley Marsh..... the fucking opposite of what my first was. Stan's always been really fucking gentle and kind and loving and all that.....

....so did my soul want me to suffer first so it would be broken when I come to this man? Holy shit.

"I um..... tea's waiting."

I nod and walk in, taking my shoes off at the sight of the carpet, closing the door behind me.

"This day has had too much in it."

"Trust me, I know."

"Do we have to decide now?"

"I doubt that we need to decide it anytime soon."

He nods and sits down, I sit opposite of him, waiting in silence as a drink the tea.

"Are you going home?"

I look at him from staring at my cup.

"Don't know."

"Stay."

I nod. We share an another while of silence.

"It felt so fucking empty for a moment... I've never felt emptier. I'm scared that if you leave, I feel it again."

I nod.

"I was like that for a shorter moment but hey, I know what you mean anyway."

He nods yet again and sips his tea. I smile a little before drinking mine.

"You've had a drink."

"Oh c'mon, I do not change quickly enough. One beer, not even fucking tipsy."

Stan laughs.

"Some people talk differently but your eyes lose colour. As weird as it is, I can see small changes. Maybe it's because I come from a childhood filled with alcohol but it's easy to tell for me."

I nod, closing my eyes for a moment.

"Alcohol isn't nice. It doesn't do nice things."

"I know that."

I open my eyes again to him nodding.

"But yeah.... I know it's also easy to know it and use it as an escape. Please don't, I can't stand to lose any more people I care for to that poison."

I nod.

"I didn't think I would come. I wouldn't have had it if I did."

"One beer? Nothing for me. It's when that one turns into a few... and those few turn into a few packs.... then those few turn into an amount that's worth a few hundred. That's when it's a problem and that's when it brings too many memories. I don't like to think about the fact I've been a drunk, at all."

I nod and drink my tea yet again.

"But personally, I can't have just one."

I look at the mug.

"It turns into more quickly and I just.... don't want to do that anymore. I've downed bottles to get rid of pain when tomorrow it's the same and a hangover."

I nod and take his empty cup with mine. We've always been quick drinking.

"I'll put these in the dishwasher?"

He nods and I do just that, looking back to him when he speaks

"Maybe.... maybe we should try."

I nod, smiling a little and closing the washer.

"I think so too."