You stared at him, with your big eyes - in disbelief. So that's it? So it was his well-planned game? Playing with your feelings, putting you in a corner when you no longer had control over what you felt? But he played it very well, you couldn't deny that.
He sat outside your door like a wet dog, waiting for a little mercy. You'd have to be a monster not to show it now.

You grabbed Jungkook's hand and he quickly got up. He obediently stood behind you, waiting for you to turn the key in the lock. You still didn't let go of his hand, and his heart sped up dangerously. Have you forgiven him? Did he have any chance? Isn't it a dream? Thoughts swirled around in his head, although it was quite a mess in there. Now he lived only this one moment, when you held his hand. He didn't want to let go of that hand ever again. He wanted to feel you stroking his cheek with it, running your fingers through his hair. He missed it so much.

You opened the door. The apartment was dimmed and you were surrounded by complete silence.
"Come in, Koo." you said softly, releasing his hand. He followed you obediently, closing the door behind him. You tossed your purse somewhere in the corner, turned on the light and sighed softly. You were terribly tired, but this unexpected situation somehow kept you on your feet. "Would you like some wine?" you asked, although it was more rhetorical - you were already reaching for the glasses, regardless of what his answer would be.

Jungkook jumped on the couch, trying not to make too much noise. This perfect silence somehow suited the moment, he didn't want to disturb it. He watched silently as you poured the wine into the glasses, as you placed the whole array of snacks on a small tray.
If it wasn't for this hopeless situation between you two, this is what your perfect evening would look like. Sipping wine, cuddling and maybe watching some boring romantic comedy, as long as you laugh out loud. He loved seeing you smile - he hadn't seen it in so long.
Or maybe you would watch a horror movie, and when the scene would scare you enough, you would snuggle up to him and he would protect you with his strong arms.
If only things were different between you...

You snapped him out of his thoughts only when you placed the glasses on the table. You were so close to him right now. All he was wondering if you were going to run away to the other end of the room again.
But this time you weren't afraid of his closeness. You sat just next to him, your shoulders almost touching. He immediately climbed onto the couch and turned to face you.
You gulped loudly. Being this close was harder than you expected.

He wrapped you in a blanket, that was lying next to him. You closed your eyes as the warm material rested on your arms. Oh, if you could, you'd fall asleep here and now, not even minding his presence. But you knew this conversation between you two had to happen. You knew, you couldn't just run away for the rest of your life and that it was time to finally solve this case.

You took your first sip of the red wine. Pleasant heat passed through your throat. You smiled slightly, relaxing a little. And then Jungkook decided to break the blissful silence.

"Tell me, YN, what must I do...to make you forgive me?"

You looked straight into his hazel eyes. You knew, if you would do that, you'd be lost forever. And you weren't wrong. You saw your own reflection in them. They sparkled like two diamonds, you could look into them every single day.
You were well aware, that your heart, completely against your reason, forgave him already, a long time ago. But should your lips say the same?

You were so calm today. Maybe you were too tired to tremble, like a teenager, in front of the love of your life? Maybe work has drained you of all emotions, or maybe you've been so imbued with them for a long, long time, that they've left you completely?
Or maybe you just started to control everything more? Maybe you knew, what you expected, what you would like to have, and what to close once and for all?
You took a sip of your wine. Then one deep breath.

You looked down, staring at your glass now. You ran your fingertips along the edge of it, wondering what your answer should be.
It was a difficult question. You didn't know what you expected from him. What would get everything back on track seemed unachievable. But maybe that's what he needs to hear, so that he understands, that your relationship never had a chance to become serious?

"I don't think you can do anything about that. Because... how can you make our dates, walks, cuddles... also possible in public? You know... how can we just become a normal couple? How can you become an ordinary boyfriend? You're Golden Maknae, International Playboy, an idol, the whole fandom is drooling over you. I didn't know that before, but now? I've read and watched enough. They're obsessed with you. You can't suddenly make everything so easy and ordinary for us."

Your words were almost as tart, as the wine, you poured into yourself like water, that evening.
This was the third glass already. You weren't sure, why you felt so peaceful today, so blissful. The situation between you, his closeness - this all should rather stress you out, meanwhile, ironically!, you felt safe with Jungkook, you didn't worry about drinking too much, going over your limit, that something would happen, that you would say something wrong. You just felt comfortable. Even though, you didn't clearly understand it at all.
Another sip. You winced slightly. The third one didn't taste as good, as the previous ones. You fixed your gaze on Koo. You knew he was analysing every word you just said. You knew, the situation was hopeless, so he shouldn't even bother to try to find some solution.

Jungkook stared at you, silently, for a moment. You were right, but only halfway. Because even though, as you thought, he analysed your words in all possible ways, it was not to find a solution, but to know how to talk to you about it. He had found the solution long ago, but he didn't want to talk about it so openly now. After all, he wasn't sure, what your stance was on even giving him another chance. From what he remembered, you wanted to end it all and you held on tight with this decision. He had to play differently.

You had no idea what to expect from him. He was killing you with that silence. He stared at you silently, and you were slowly loosing your patience. On the one hand, you've already made yourself clear, so what should you expect now? Yet you were waiting for something. Was there a spark of hope in you? Hasn't everything in you died?
You bit your lip. You wanted to yell at him, make him say something. Anything... That you're right or wrong, that he found something, or just the opposite. Whatever. If only he hadn't been silent. But he knew what he was doing, putting you kinda against the wall. He had to make you feel insecure again, make you feel something towards him, even if it was just impatience.

"Hmm," he purred after a moment, breaking the silence that was bothering you so much. You parted your lips and gasped, happy, that he decided to speak after all. Although now a strange feeling of unease has arisen in your heart. Jungkook smiled mysteriously. It's almost as if he knew, how you feel. You suddenly felt unsafe. You were afraid of your own feelings, which became completely unpredictable.
He looked at you with that smile - which you couldn't read.
The flames danced playfully in his eyes, he never stopped looking at you. You felt heat, pouring over your whole body. You wanted him to tell you everything, whatever he meant, let him finally spit it out, you finally wanted to feel the weight fall off your shoulders.
"And if I would do that... Would you forgive me then?" he asked slyly.

It wasn't what you expected. So he chose another game. You didn't know whether to give up and blindly enter this trap, or ask directly, cutting this childish play.
You didn't expect him to be so confident. That must mean he had a plan, but he didn't want to share it with you. You wanted to talk to him honestly, why was he starting to play like a little boy again? What was his purpose? After all that's happened to you already, why he wanted again to play and created some bullshit?
"If you would tell me, that everything that's happened between us so far, was just a bad dream... That we could become those two strangers again, strangers who..."

You stopped halfway, because you realized, you were letting yourself drown in the past again and you started wondering what if...
You were just so afraid, that you would ignite a completely unnecessary fire of hope. But Jungkook suddenly moved very close to you, completely baffling you.
He took the glass from you and placed it on the table. Then he took your hands and closed them in his, and as he leaned towards you, you automatically closed your eyes.
He smiled gently. Were you waiting for a kiss? Would you let him? But he shook himself out of those thoughts, returning to the main topic.

"Those two strangers who?" he whispered and you felt his warm breath on your face. "Please finish this sentence."

Every muscle in his body was screaming for you. You were so close, but he knew he shouldn't take any more, than he already risked. He held your hands and you didn't pull away. It was a lot to him anyway. Now he just wanted to hear, what you wanted to tell him. He knew, you stopped midway, because you were too afraid to say what you felt out loud. But he didn't want to keep his feelings inside anymore, and he didn't want you to do that either. He knew, you couldn't run from the world forever, and he was going to work it out.
All he needed right now, was a little willingness, forgiveness, and a little trust. But did he have a chance? He couldn't read you. You were sitting so close, yet he felt you were so far away.

Your eyes were focused on your hands. More specifically, on your intertwined fingers. You didn't even notice when it happened. You were so engrossed in trying to control your own thoughts, that you stopped paying attention to your surroundings.
But you didn't feel like he was putting any pressure on you, quite the opposite. You felt like you were going to be able to explain everything calmly for the first time.
Or was it just your imagination? You must have been very tired to take everything so calmly. It didn't bode well. In such a state, you couldn't fight the feelings, that were trying to break through you. And the last thing you wanted right now was to give him the false impression, that everything was okay.
You still weren't sure, how you two were going to work this out and you just didn't want to mess things up until everything was said.

"Two strangers who... fell in love." You finished this sentence silently, looking up at him again. Your eyes met. Jungkook smiled. It was one of his most beautiful smiles. You felt like it lit up everything around you. It made your head spin. Even though, you blamed everything on the wine.

He stroked your hands with his fingertips. You shivered gently under his touch. He didn't touch you like this from very long time. You felt your body subconsciously cling to him.
"Why am I so weak?" you thought, scolding yourself for responding to his touch. But you missed it. You weren't going to give in so easily to the feelings, that were trying to win you over. You were supposed to explain to each other everything today. And that's what you were going to focus on. You will not fail- that was your intention for now.

"I'll do it." he said suddenly, in a confident, firm voice, making your eyes widen in surprise. You certainly didn't expect that. You shook your head slightly, not understanding what he meant by that. You stared at him wordlessly, waiting for some further explanation.
"I will give you everything." He added after a moment. But that made things even more complicated. Now you had absolutely no idea what he meant, what he wanted to explain by that. You stared at him, hoping that maybe he would add a few more words, somehow develop the whole topic, because apparently only he knew, what he meant. But he sat proudly, obviously sure of what he had just said to you. You knew it was going to be a long night. Now, that he was starting to speak in riddles.
You started feeling slightly annoyed.

You took a deep breath. You blinked your eyes a few times, wondering what just happened to him. Was everything fine with him? Because Jungkook was sitting here, smiling, proud of his statement, even if you thought it was some stupid nonsense.
Has he completely lost his mind? After all, you asked him for the impossible, and yet, he wasn't even going to give up. On the contrary, he invented some non-existent solutions. It scared you a bit. If it had been possible, everything would have been different from the very beginning. You were starting to get tired. Tired of this conversation, and tired of his presence, which was making you more and more stressed. You were about to say something to him, but as soon as you looked at JK, all your anger magically evaporated.

You saw that happy, little boy you fell in love with, again. A lovely bunny, who laughs all the time, who crinkles his nose playfully, and his sparkling eyes narrow so sweetly. It was indeed your favourite view. You haven't seen him like this in so long. And now he has finally presented it all to you again. How can you break his heart now?

He ran his fingers through his hair. You followed his hand with your eyes. You wanted so much to entwine your fingers into it, ruffle his thick black hair, and pull him to you. Should you give in to it?
He was grinning as if he had just won the lottery. Although you didn't know the reason for this sudden joy, you wanted so badly to be inside his head right now, to understand even a little bit what was going on in it.

You were missing that sight, his contagious laugh, his smell, even his beautiful voice. You didn't realize it until he was so close to you. And now, that you had him at your fingertips, you finally realized it. Can everything still be fixed? You felt, that you would be happy with him, but were you able to forgive everything just like that? Start over and pretend nothing bad ever happened in your life? What was he expecting? He didn't say anything, he asked for forgiveness, but he didn't say how he imagined the future. And you didn't want to ask that first, lest you give him false hope. You didn't even know, what you yourself wanted after all.

Jungkook, sensing how tense your body has become, lifted your chin with his two fingers, forcing you to look at him.
He stared deep into your eyes. His gaze was serious, there was no childishness in it anymore, his whole face became totally different. He was just staring at you, piercing through your soul.
You felt that forgotten flock of butterflies, taking flight, like the first time you two met. You haven't felt it for so long. And it was such a great feeling.

"What?" you asked softly, when your gaze had been locked together for too long. You felt a blush creeping up on your cheeks. You had no idea, that you could feel this way again. His hand moved from your chin to your cheek, stroking it gently. The sensation was so wonderful, that you did not resist.
His gaze was so warm, he didn't have to tell you anything about his feelings, you could read everything in his eyes. You felt melting under his touch, the heart of the snow queen you've become over the last few months was melting as well. You couldn't help it. You didn't want to do anything about it. Right now...everything he did with you - he had your silent permission.

"Oh, it's nothing." he said softly and laughed nervously. He bit his lip and looked down for a moment. You laughed.

"Is Kook ashamed?" you accosted him, amused by a reaction you have probably never seen from him. Usually you were beet red when he was this close to you.

"No...I..." he began hesitantly, then took a deep breath and looked into your eyes again. "I'm just wondering...how angry you'll be with me." he finished the sentence, and a small, mischievous smirk crept onto his lips, which once again caught you off guard tonight.
"Because the fact that you'll be angry... I'm more than sure of that" he added, amused by your surprised face. There was no end to his games, he was starting to be a master at it. You tilted your head, staring at him.

You had no idea what he was even talking about. You stared at him questioningly, but it didn't look like he was in a hurry to answer. He stroked your cheek, revelling in your closeness.
"Are you sure you want to know?" He teased you even though, he was going to tell you everything anyway. His words "I'm just wondering...how angry you'll be with me" echoed in your ears. What did he mean by that?

"Angry?" you started. "Why would I be angry at you, Jungkookie? You didn't do anything, did you?" you asked, analysing everything that has happened today, since you came to your apartment. But there was absolutely no indication, that he might have done anything to make you angry with him. However, his mischievous smirk made you no longer know, what you could be sure of. You were hoping for a reasonable explanation. "You didn't do anything, did you?" you repeated.

But Jungkook just laughed out loud. He laughed for a long time, more and more amused by your expression. He was in no hurry. He reached for the glass, that was on the table and drank the entire contents in one gulp.
You stared at him in surprise, not understanding what he was playing. He was acting weird.
He drank it all - as if to give himself some courage. But three glasses wasn't enough for him, though his eyes shone like he'd drunk twice as much. He smiled and licked his lips after the sour taste. You mustered all your strength not to stare at his mouth like a hungry wolf. You knew, he was trying everything to seduce you, and you were really at your wits end, almost ready to jump into his arms and forget everything.

And Jungkook was having a great time. He delayed his answer, trying to get your attention in the most sensual way he could. He was a little annoyed, that you had the strength to defend yourself against each of his attacks. So he had nothing left but to tell you everything straight out.

Kookie put down his glass and cleared his throat. He chuckled softly once more, analysing everything he had decided. He finally looked you straight in the eye.
"I haven't done anything wrong. Yet. But I will. Now. And I won't regret anything. Because I fucking love you."

And before you could even utter a word, he leaned over and kissed you passionately. The sudden kiss took you completely by surprise. But you didn't protest. A pleasant warmth spread throughout your body. You weren't going to stop now. You missed his soft lips, his taste, his closeness. Jungkook was gentle, kissing you as if you had just met, without any pressure, gently and sensually. You moaned softly into his mouth, mentally chastising yourself for it. He chuckled deepening the kiss.
"I missed this," he told himself in his head, biting your lower lip lightly. He wondered if he should ask for forgiveness again. Or maybe that little silent act spoke for itself.

You kissed him back. One kiss after another, unable to even catch your breath. You wanted to respond to his confession, you wanted to tell him, how much you loved him, but he wouldn't even give you a chance. Just from the kisses you felt like you were about to go crazy, and when his hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you to him, you had already given up completely.

He pushed you gently and you fell back onto the couch. He hovered over you immediately, not breaking your kiss even for a moment.
A moment later you felt his sweet weight on you. You didn't even think to object. You missed him too much for that. You tilted your head back and he understood immediately. He pressed his lips to your neck, leaving hickeys all over it.
"I want the whole world to know, that you are my woman," he whispered in your ear.

"Jungkook..." you moaned and he grinned widely.

"I missed the way you say my name."
His hands began to roam your body, making marks on it. He didn't miss an inch, as if he was learning your body by heart.

This time everything was different. You already knew who he was.

You knew, that he wasn't hiding anything from you anymore. You knew, how hard living with a star could be, but right now nothing else mattered but your feelings. Until recently, you thought, that there was nothing left of love in you...

"Why do I have to love you so much?" You whispered to him in between kisses, giving up completely.

You felt him shiver. He hadn't expected this confession. He hoped for forgiveness, but your confession was a totally different matter. He felt happiness flood over him. He suffered for so long, finally everything fell into place. Is it a dream? Did you just say you love him?

Jungkook rekindled that spark, that had almost faded out.
But the love never quite died out.
That night a spark started a fire.

See you soon in an update as Book II - Fire.
Chapters will be published further here.
Thank you for all your support so far.
For every chapter you read.

~Sarae~