"Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Le Petit Prince

Date: April 23rd, 2017

Occasion:
National Sovereignty and Children's Day
(Ulusal Egemenlik ve Çocuk Bayramı)

Countries: Turkey and Northern Cyprus

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VI | Turkish Delight

"Merhaba?"

"What up, it's me!"

"Yeah, you need to be a bit more specific about the me part."

"You are the music in me–"

"For goodness' sake, are you quoting Sharpay again?"

"What's wrong with Sharpay? She's fabulous!"

"Derya, why did you call me?"

"Well, when people call, they want to chat."

"Yes, but when you call, it means you want me to help you plot someone's untimely death."

"You're such a jerk."

"It takes one to know one."

"Do you know what day it is, dickbiscuit?"

"Hmm, is it Let's All Insult The Crap out of Serkan Day?"

"No, that's every day."

"Oh, screw you."

"Get in the queue."

"I'd be screaming at you right now if I wasn't grudgingly appreciative of your rhyming skills."

"Thank you, douchepickle. It's actually National Sovereignty and Children's Day and you're forgetting that we're children!"

"Last time I checked, we were angsty teens who waste our entire lives on the Internet."

"Last time I remember, our teacher was going to give us a quiz on the history of this holiday."

"He's going to give us a what now?"

"A quiz? Which he'd been preparing us for and talking about for almost two weeks now? The one worth twenty percent of our grade?"

"Oh God, Derya, how screwed am I?"

"Well, on a scale from Big Bang Theory to Fifty Shades–"

"Forget it, I don't want to know."

"What did the triangle say to the circle?"

"Wait, what? Why the sudden change of subject? What's going on?"

"It's a joke, silly! What did the triangle say to the circle?"

"Well, if shapes talked, that would be incredibly terrifying."

"The triangle told the circle that it was pointless! Ain't that a knee-slapper?"

"I have no desire to slap my knee."

"You're such a party pooper."

"Oh, shut your pi hole."

"Did you just make a pun?"

"If you tell anyone I made a math pun, I'll murder you in your sleep."

"Good thing I never sleep."

"This just got depressing real quick."

"You know what else is depressing?"

"No, I don't want to know."

"Your face is!"

"Wow, thank you, rude child."

"Anytime, Captain Grasshole."

"Hey, can you quiz me on some of that trivia about National– oh, fuck it, it's too long and I can't be bothered saying it. Let's abbreviate it to NSCD."

"NSCD? Isn't that some kind of cop show?"

"Well, both are stressful to endure, so what's the difference anyway?"

"Okie-dokie. So, are you sure you can handle my quiz?"

"I'm ready, Captain!"

"I can't hear youuuuuu!"

"Aye aye, Captain!"

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

"Spongebob– oy, stop distracting me!"

"How am I distracting you?"

"Last time I checked, Spongebob wasn't a Turk, so he's totally irrelevant."

"For all we know, he could be."

"Did you just quote Hermione Granger?"

"Of course not. Now, back to the quiz."

"Nokay! I didn't know you were a closet Potterhead. Why didn't you say so?"

"Serkan, we're five minutes into this conversation and I haven't taught you anything."

"We have more important issues to discuss!"

"Do you want to pass this damn quiz or not?"

"Wow, now you're even sounding like Hermione. What's gotten into you?"

"What are the three common symbols of National Sovereignty and Children's Day?"

"Derya!"

"If you bomb this quiz, it'll be on you! You'll be the one disowned from your family."

"Fine, I'll take your quiz seriously. What was the question again?"

"Er, something about flags? I don't know, it's been forever since I last said it."

"You said it thirty seconds ago!"

"That's exactly my point!"

"Okay, whatever, I think I know the answer to it anyway. Remember when we had to raise those three flags and you tripped over my feet?"

"Oh right, and I ended up accidentally ripping one of those flags. Whoops."

"Well, at least we know the flag is resting in peace. RIP."

"Daleks, unite! Exterminate the puns!"

"I personally prefer Cybermen, but that's just me."

"Whatever, now back to the question. I think I said something about three symbols?"

"So, the first is a circle of colourful children holding hands around a Turkish flag, right?"

"Correct, though also unrealistic, in my opinion. Those kids have obviously never heard of cooties. Most kids would never touch each other without screaming."

"Maybe they're just way more mature than us?"

"Hm, fair enough. I always wonder what the symbolism for it is, though."

"Maybe some guy was like, 'let's make these children rainbow colour because that represents different races! Oh, and why not have them stand around our flag? Better yet, we can have them holding hands! Boom, symbolism!'"

"That sounds about right."

"Alright, I'm going to quiz you now. What's the second symbol?"

"Oh, that's easy! The pretty blue globe made up of longitude and latitude lines, surrounded by the same circle of children who obviously had skin mutation problems."

"Bro, don't be harsh."

"I'm just joking around, Serkan. I'm not going to offend my own country."

"You just did."

"Shut your pie hole. So, what's the third symbol, then?"

"Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Obviously the Turkish flag. A red flag studded with a crescent moon and star."

"Congrats, you finally got something right!"

"What're you on about? I'm always right!"

"Egomaniac!"

"Bitch with an itch!"

"Just for that, I'm going to make you explain the entire history of National Sovereignty and Children's Day."

"What? The entire history?"

"Go on, chop chop!"

"You're killing me, woman. Okay, so there was this gathering of the Turkish Grand National Assembly on April 23rd, um, sometime in the early 20th century. I forgot."

"I'm docking a point for that I forgot part."

"I'm going to give you such a low rating on ratemyteachers.com."

"What? I thought we were friends!"

"You thought wrong!"

"No more homemade chocolate chip cookies for you. Anyway, continue."

"So, the gathering was during Turkey's War of Independence, and it was a big deal. This dude, Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, dedicated the Turkish Republic to children in Turkey and decided to build a new state, after the Ottoman Empire went boom in World War I."

"Ataturk slayed, yo. His morals were lit."

"Right, I'm choosing to ignore that. You continue."

"So from then, Turkey decided to have a week of celebration for us children starting from that day, like "you know what? How about you kids get a week of pure awesomeness and privileges for existing? Have fun!"

"Because unlike most cultures, where children were treated as inferior and not considered particularly important enough to have a say in parliament, the Turkish were all for children having a day to vote."

"So, goodbye, soft toys and hello, parliament elections of utmost importance."

"Damn, the two of us work well together."

"Yeah, at borderline offensive sarcasm."

"Isn't borderline offensive sarcasm the best sarcasm, though?"

"For once, we agree on something. Now explain the sovereignty stuff."

"I'm kinda fuzzy about that part, Derya. If you chucked that word at me in a spelling bee, I'd be running out the door before the timer even started."

"Fine, I'll explain. Essentially, it means that we're a self-governing country."

"Oh, now I remember! Everyone's opinions were taken into consideration. Like, cookies before bed as a tradition? Just ask. Harry Potter movies played at film festivals? Hello, suggestion box! Etcetera, etcetera."

"There, now you're getting it! Alright, let's sum this up. Firstly, kids can vote. Also, they gather a ton of kids aged eight to fourteen to participate in children's festivals. There's a gala on April 23rd, with a bunch of three-minute performances from children."

"Well, my friend, I think we're sussed."

"Am I finally being granted with the honor of becoming your friend? How quaint."

"Did I call you a friend? Must have been a slip of the tongue."

"Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night. Okay, you ready to take the quiz?"

"I sure am. You?"

"I suppose so, but an incentive would be nice."

"The one who gets the lower grade treats the other to Starbucks?"

"Bring it on, dickbiscuit."