Title: Raindrops || PJM

Cover: See media at top of the page ^^

Genre: Fanfiction, Romance, Tragedy 💜

Description: You're sitting on the porch, reminiscing on past memories. The scent of rain comforts you like Jimin's embrace once did. You haven't heard from him and you miss him so much... but will you ever see him again?

Music: If you would like to, please play the following video while you read for an enhanced experience!

https://youtu.be/SGRuvR_uFHs

~ You ~

It rains outside.

It rains like the clouds will never cry again. Wind chimes sing in the storm as each drop of water patters a soothing melody on the windows and rooftops.

The clouds are grieving, an endless bundle of dull grey. Tree leaves rustle in the wind, whispering amongst each other while the world cries its heart out, a world of water and endless suffering. Puddles upon puddles of childhood memories are washed away, lost in the storm.

A world of sadness. Pain. One that no one seems to understand, and will never understand.

I used to sit on this porch with you. I used to hold your hand. I used to laugh with you and daydream about you.

I used to, I used to, I used to...

We told each other we'd never leave.

You told me to be my night... and to be my own light...

But where... where are you now?

I used to fly towards you, like a moth to candlelight. I used to cuddle into your warmth, mind at peace in your soft hoodies and jackets, and I'd feel this comfort that didn't exist anywhere else in this world.

Now the comfort is gone.

Gone like those sunny days, gone like your smile, gone like all the memories you said you'd never forget.

Will you come back?

The scent of rain surrounds me and engulfs me in an understanding embrace... but it's not quite like yours. Its scent is so similar, so comforting, and yet it also brings this foreign sensation of nostalgia now - of the days that once were and will never come back.

I remember how your arm would curl around me protectively and sit at my waist while I fidgeted and played with my hands, all shy and flustered. All the nice things you've ever done for me... does it make up for all the hurt you've caused?

My heart... it's shattered glass pieces. The pieces that you put together one by one while you held me tight in your embrace, the pieces that you mended for me... the wounds that you healed... was it worth anything if it all got broken again anyway?

There was a strong rope connecting us, but now it's broken. I'm drifting away.

It's cold. It's so cold.

I want to believe that this pain is temporary - that at the end of the night, it's a new day. But how can you expect me to do that... without you by my side?

The rain soaks into my t-shirt and mingles with my tears. It's okay though, because I've become numb to the loneliness and the empty feeling inside me.

It's like the wings of a butterfly.

Intricate. Beautiful. Colorful.

Like the flowers you gave me that Valentine's Day, like the watercolor painting you made of us running in an open meadow, carefree. Like the colorful hues of your bright personality that shone even in the dullest of days. Like the sunsets we'd watch together.

Like the promise we made to each other, with intertwined pinkies, on the last day of 2018... a promise that we wouldn't throw ourselves away even if we felt lonely.

But butterflies...

Butterflies can't fly in the rain.

I gave you the best of you, but you failed to give me the best of me. And yet you say it's my fault, because I was the one who refused to listen... despite all the times I reached out and tried to help. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

~

I'm apologizing because there is one last thing that I didn't get the chance to tell you:

I'd rather suffer through this loneliness than see you again. I'd rather find my home in the shadows than walk in broad daylight again.

The person I should love? Myself.

We're not a part of each other's lives anymore. But that only makes me stronger.

So, thank you.

Thank you for teaching me to walk on my own again.

Honestly, I miss you.

But now...

Now I'll erase you, because that will hurt less than resenting you.

~ End ~

Published: June 25, 2020 || ⭐ & 💬